Glen Davis Is..."Parenthood"?

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Glen Davis Is...
(Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

The free agent class of 2010 is the most ballyhooed event in basketball, even now as the Finals were going on. What about this years class? Don't they get a say? Some team is going to get some nice pieces to form a contender. I've decided to take this time and give the class of 2009 some due. But not by just talking about them, instead I'm going to give them some notoriety by comparing them to the new shows on the fall lineups of NBC, CBS, CW, ABC and FOX. I left Hedo off the list because it seems pretty clear that he'll resign with Orlando, because the Magic would be insane to not re-up him.

1). Ron Artest - New Fall Show: NBC's "Trauma"

Artest is a gritty, charismatic, unpredictable player that'll do anything to win."Trauma" is gritty, lots of shaky camera work and like Artest, lots of explosions. You can never count out Artest, no matter where you ship him. Too bad this show can't last long enough to match Artest's new contract.

Show's estimated contract: 13> episodes
Artest's estimated contract: 3-4 years

2). Glen "Big Baby" Davis - New Fall Show: NBC's "Parenthood"

That's not just because Big Baby looks like a child and had the belly of a pregnant woman. Heading into free agency there was much hype surrounding this big man: He had a team full of all-stars, he was maturing and came into his own when his "Big Brother" Garnett went down. "Parenthood" features an all-star cast and has been hyped by NBC every which way. With Ron Howard on board, this should be a can't-miss selection...but then again, what happened to "Arrested Development"? Some team will overpay for the big man much like NBC has overpaid for the cast.

Show's estimated contract: two-three years
Davis' estimated contract: five-six years

3). Chris Anderson - New Fall Show: CBS' "Accidentally On Purpose"

Chris Anderson is one of my favorite NBA players (although if I have to hear his story one more time...) and he deserves to make it big. However, I can't see this ending well...for the team that signs him. He'll play well, but this has all the looks of a "Jerome James" type signing. You'll get rebounds, you'll get blocks, and you'll get intensity - all at about $7 million per. "Accidentally On Purpose" looks real bad: bad scenario, bad acting and bad story line. The first line of the trailer ends with "Does it look desperate or empowering?" and that should go through the head of the GM that locks up Anderson for more than three years.

Show's estimated contract: 13> episodes
Anderson's estimated contract: four-five years

4). Shawn Marion - New Fall Show: ABC's "Cougar Town"

Hey, remember when Shawn Marion was a viable MVP option? Yea, me neither. But much like the lead character in "Cougar Town", Marion is there to remind us that being old doesn't mean you have to act old! He's still going to ask for the big bucks; whether or not he receives it is another question.

Show's estimated contract: one year
Marion's estimated contract: two years

5). Carlos Boozer - New Fall Show: ABC's "The Middle"

Boozer should command—and in the right circumstance receive—a large contract. Over the past few years, Boozer has been a top-15 player, if not top 10. He loves Utah (I know, weird right?) and wants to stay, just like "The Middle." Honestly, this is all the review says:

"A middle-class family in the middle of Indiana just tries to stay where they are and make it through."

So you KNOW it'll be good! Also, it stars Patricia heaton, who for the life of her can't land in a decent show after "Raymond".

Show's estimated contract: 13> episodes
Boozer's estimated contract: five-six years years

6). Mike Bibby - New Show Fall: ABC's "Flash Forward"

Bibby is coming off of a down year, where his age has shown and shown hard. I'm more bullish on him than anyone else in this group because I'm somewhat of a Hawks follower and he was just completely exposed during the Cavs series after being pretty good during the Heat series. "Flash Forward" is a show where everyone can see two minutes into the future, whereas Bibby can see two minutes into the past, especially on defense.

Show's estimated contract: one-two years
Bibby's estimated contract: three-four years

7). Ben Gordon - New Fall Show: ABC's "Shark Tank"

Ben Gordon...Ben Gordon...nope, can't find him here in the regular season. Oh-oh wow. It turns out that he only showed up to play in the playoffs! That's odd. What a great time to reach your true potential, and it has such a convenient timing that it was in a contract year. I chose "Shark Tank" because the point of the show was that a bunch of entrepreneurs plead their case to a panel of business tycoons in the hopes that they receive a boat load of money. I couldn't pass this show without immediately thinking of Gordon's agent:

"Yea, well, I know he didn't do much during the regular season, but he PROMISES to play well in the playoffs. He, like, super swears."

Show's estimated contract: two years
Gordon's estimated contract: five years

8). Jason Kidd - New Fall Show: FOX's "Brothers"

Jason Kidd is close to retiring, so what better show to be about him than this one starring retired New York Giant Michael Strahan! Both should be gone, soon.

Show's estimated contract: If there's any hope in America, two episodes
Kidd'es estimated contract: two-three years

9). Tevor Ariza - New Fall Show: CW's "Melrose Place"

Ariza is one of the hottest commodities in this class, and with reason. He's an amazing athlete (just ask Isiah!) who can shoot, a decent defender and rebounder, and by all accounts a good teammate. However, he has some issues, like every person on "Melrose Place". A little about the show "...revolves around the lives of its fabulously good-looking, boozy, thin and baggage-laden residents. And there's a pool." which will pretty much resemble wherever Ariza will move into.

Sorry about the length, but you should be proud of yourself that you made it this far! One thing's for sure: The free agent signings are going to be more entertaining than the fall lineup.

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