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Yankees to Start Lefty Dave Righetti against Boston (Satire)

TORONTO - 1988:  Pitcher Dave Righetti #19 of the New York Yankees pitches during the game against the Toronto Blue Jays at Exhibition Stadium during the 1988 season in Toronto, Ontario, Canada.  (Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)
Dan PazosCorrespondent IJune 10, 2009

With the Yankees current situation in Fenway getting worse, the Yankees are desperate for a win.

The Bombers, now are 0-6 against Boston, are looking for someone who can get the job done against the potent Red Sox offense.

They are just looking for a guy who won't let up a home run to Big Papi.

I mean, Yankee fans cant joke about David Ortiz having a terrible season, and then watch AJ Burnett hand him a gift fastball for his, record breaking, third home run of the year.

Apparently Burnett thought he could fool Ortiz with a fastball right down the middle.

He may have got me, but then again, I’m not a major league hitter.

Chien-Ming Wang is scheduled to start on Wednesday night, and from what the Yanks have seen from him this season, the future looks bleak.

Wang is currently sitting at 0-3 with a 14.46 ERA, and coming off a, let’s say less than stellar performance in his last start.

Due to the media pressure over Burnett's horrific start last night against the Sox, Joe Girardi has decided to call in a former Yankee starter to handle the Sox on Jun. 10, and get the season series to 1-7.

That pitcher is Dave Righetti.

If you do not know who Dave Righetti is, a quick Google of his name will reveal that he is the last Yankee pitcher to throw a no-hitter against Boston.

The game, played on July Fourth 1983, was a landmark in Yankee history, as the first and only no-hitter against the Red Sox.

Last night, Boston compiled a total of nine hits in their 7-0 win over New York.

The result against Wang on Wednesday, who has given up a total of 39 hits in 18.2 innings, may be worse.

The only real answer the Yankees have against Boston is to let "The Big Ragu" throw his signature sauce, and let the Boston hitters fall right into another hit-less game.

I can see it now; Ortiz will strikeout at least three times, Jason Bay will only be able to manage a few ground ball outs to Derek Jeter, and Mike Lowell won't even get the ball into the outfield.

Then, the potent Yankee offense can awake from their current slumber against the Sox and actually put some numbers on the board.

Mark Teixeira may even hit a homerun.

Unfortunately for the Yankees, "Rags" is currently 50 years old, and works as the pitching coach for the SanFrancisco Giants.

At his current age Righetti would be tied for the thrid oldest player, ever, to start a major league game, surpassed in age only by Sachel Page(59) and Nick Altrock(57).

Yankees GM, Brian Cashman, is reportedly working on a one game, $20 million, deal with Righetti, in order to talk him out of retirement.

But, in true Yankee fashion, no pitcher is too old or too expensive to save a season.

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