Every year, millions of football fans spend money on all sorts of NFL season preview magazines, myself included, and I think it's about time somebody delivers a preview in CliffsNotes. Not only will it create a challenge to this writer, but hopefully save somebody out there money on an aforementioned preview magazines. Probably not, but hey, let's give it a shot.
Buffalo Bills: Terrell Owens brings some much needed attention to a team suffering a playoff drought eclipsed only by the Detroit Lions, but getting their popcorn ready isn't going to get them over that hump.
Miami Dolphins: If 2008 showed us anything, it's to always expect the unexpected, in terms of offensive formations and quick turnarounds.
New England Patriots: Tom Brady has a chance to take his legacy to the next level if he returns the Pats to prominence after a year off.
New York Jets: Baltimore players used to rave about their former defensive coordinator, so they followed him to the Big Apple.
Baltimore Ravens: A sophomore slump may prove Joe Flacco was a fluke-o.
Cincinnati Bengals: Carson Palmer has got to be looking forward to the day that his contract is up.
Cleveland Browns: Eric Mangini has more than his fair share of work cut out for him, but at least he is turning over that awful roster as quickly as possible.
Pittsburgh Steelers: Big Ben and Co. want to let everyone know they deserve this decade just as much as the Pats.
Houston Texans: Behind a suddenly-stacked defense and the explosive play of Steve Slaton, this could be the darkhorse team of 2009.
Indianapolis Colts: Have done very little to make significant strides to return to the Super Bowl, and they might miss Tony Dungy more than expected.
Jacksonville Jaguars: Jack Del Rio should be praying that Torry Holt can bring back the David Garrard of 2007.
Tennessee Titans: Have a big void to fill with the loss of Albert Haynesworth on the defensive line.
Denver Broncos: Josh McDaniels, what are you thinking?
Kansas City Chiefs: Matt Cassel is a solid quarterback, but let's not forget he had a team around him in New England.
Oakland Raiders: Yawn.
San Diego Chargers: The only team that can stand in front of the Chargers in the West is, well, the Chargers.
Dallas Cowboys: The departure of T.O. should give us an answer on what the real Tony Romo looks like.
New York Giants: The return of Osi Umenyiora should provide the team enough of a spark to overcome the loss of Plaxico Burress.
Philadelphia Eagles: Brian Westbrook continues to be the most underrated player in the NFL today, if not all time.
Washington Redskins: The Redskins once again spent tons of money on a player they hope will turn around their franchise.
Chicago Bears: Jay Cutler gives the team a legit NFL quarterback, with no legit NFL receivers.
Detroit Lions: The team should paint a mural on the Ford Field roof, so Matthew Stafford has something to look at while he's on his back all season.
Minnesota Vikings: If the Purple People Eaters want a turnover machine at quarterback, they should just stay with Tavaris Jackson and avoid the drama.
Atlanta Falcons: Brought in Tony Gonzalez to make sure Matt Ryan doesn't suffer the sophomore slump.
Carolina Panthers: The Panthers will once again try to escape NFL mediocrity and return to relevance.
New Orleans Saints: The Saints hope the Drew Brees aerial show can make them the division's elite team.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: It's put up or shut up for a team that just fired its Super Bowl-winning coach.
Arizona Cardinals: Organization finally has some swagger, now it's time to see if it can shake the Super Bowl loss to come back stronger.
St. Louis Rams: Only interesting note here is the team is up for sale.
San Francisco 49ers: Mike Singletary has the team headed in the right direction, but major questions remain on defense and at quarterback.
Seattle Seahawks: They keep on signing receivers instead of offensive line help.