WWE Extreme Rules Review

FoleyIsGodContributor IJune 9, 2009

SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA - JUNE 15:  World Heavyweight Champion Edge during WWE Smackdown at Acer Arena on June 15, 2008 in Sydney, Australia.  (Photo by Gaye Gerard/Getty Images)

Extreme Rules Review Opening Match: Fatal Four Way
Kofi Kingston vs. William Regal Vs. MVP Vs. Matt Hardy

Prediction: Kofi all the way, he just won the belt for christsake.

This was actually a really good match, with most of the participants really putting Kofi over. He was able to showcase a lot of his talents. I'm glad WWE is giving him the opportunity on a title run as he's one of the few people I actually enjoy watching.

Winner: Kofi Kingston

No Hold Barred Match
Chris Jericho Vs. Rey Mysterio

Prediction: Chris Jericho, he's due.

These two are so talented. I've really loved Jericho's last few matches and I think his work has stolen the show at the past few pay per views. Combine his work with what Rey brings and its true in-ring magic. If you didn't see this match I recommend getting a hold of it somehow as this one was a classic.

Both performers were given equal footing overall, and you could tell the crowd was cheering for both, a true sign of a great match. Both these guys deserve praise for the show they put on, easily two of the best workers in the company.

Winner: Chris Jericho

Samoan Strap Match
Umaga vs. CM Punk

Prediction: CM Punk has gotten his ass kicked by Umaga so much lately I don't see any way he doesn't walk out of this with a win.

YAWN. Holy shit this match was as boring as it sounded on the lead up. And can I just say that I don't like CM Punk. "The straight edge superstar"? [Sic] that holier than thou bullshit. Have a beer and find something else that is the least bit exciting to watch.

CM punk is like the anti-stone cold not only in his straight-edgedness but also in his abilty to suck the excitement out an arena. I may have only started watching wrestling again at the beginning of 2009 but the only good CM punk match I've seen was the Wrestlemania 25 and he has like seven other guys helping so I don't count it.

Anyway, by the time my nap was up CM punk was not drinking or doing drugs in the ring so I assume he won.

Winner: CM Punk

Triple Threat Hardcore Match
Jack Swagger vs. Christian vs. Tommy Dreamer

Prediction: Not sure dreamer is leaving quite yet as if he loses he has to "retire", going with dreamer

Somewhat exciting made all the more interesting by the inexperienced announce team who I actually consider the most entertaining just because they are the most annoying. Swagger has been consistently making good matches, save for that one with Finlay way back when. Kudos to ECDUB for putting together an action packed match.

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

Hog Pen Match
Santina Vs. Vickie Guerrero

Prediction: Who gives a shit?

If you care about what happened in this match, you are the idiots that the writers on RAW have been [sic] up that show to "write" for.

Winner: Shit

Steel Cage Match
Randy Orton Vs. Batista

Prediction: Batista. Just can't see how Batista can lose after how much they've built up how much of a bastard Orton is.

Somewhat disappointing. Wait, I take that back, really disappointing. Look, I get Batista isn't the most technical guy they got, but Orton is a talent and I feel like he was holding back this entire match. Maybe he was injured or something but he got in almost no offense the entire match.

He literally spent the entire time trying to escape from the cage, painting him a coward. I get that psychologically that gets the crowd behind Batista. However, the crowd was already behind Batista from the beginning.

Mick Foley wrote a lot about how you want to build up your opponent no matter what so when you beat him or vice versa you beat a giant rather than a coward. Randy Orton was a coward. Therefore Batista beat a coward. No big deal. This match sucked just because I've seen Orton work so well with less before.

Winner: Batista

Submission Match
Big Show Vs. John Cena

Prediction: Cena. He's super f**king man. Plus he's gotten his ass kicked around so much there's no way they can let their golden boy lose this one.

I havne't heard a good "Cena sucks" chant in awhile. I'm going to check one out on youtube. Much better. The big lead up to this match were promos touting how cena couldn't get Show to submit with his "patented" STF, and so Show would win by default, you know, because Cena has no other moves on his roster.

Seriously, there's like four. And that's if you count the you can't see him bullshit. I still don't understand why they don't pull him out for month and spend eight hours a day teaching him new moves. Think about it 30 days + one new move a day + four moves he already knows = 34 moves in arsenal. Sounds almost too easy.

Cena matches, in my opinion, are only as entertaining when they are piss poor. Fortunately, this one didn't dissapoint. This match was hilarious for several reasons. 1) Lawler talking about Cena doing an improper sleeper hold and Show selling it anyway.

When I was eight I put this on my little brother after watching the Ted Dibiase the Million Dollar Man do it hundreds of times. Seriously, its pretty f**king easy, even if you are hanging on his back.

2) Anytime you're watching a match and Big Show is the coordinated one some type of magic is going on and 3) The bungled finish. Of course.

Cena put his leg into the ropes as "leverage" for the STF but the leg came undone seconds after the STF was applied. The camera smartly panned away to a shot that didn't include the legs. But Show still submitted. Whatever.

Winner: "Somehow, someway John Cena has done it again!" BARF.

Ladder Match
Jeff Hardy Vs. Edge

Prediction: Edge. Sure he needs to lose the title, but Jeff Hardy still hasn't signed a new contract, and I don't see WWE giving him a run without a long term commitment.

Note to WWE management: We get it. You own a shitload of ladders, but really they only need one to get to the belt. And what the f**k is up with Jeff Hardy not wearing the face paint for the match? They advertised him looking like the Crow and he shows up for the main event all de-enigmad. Disappointing.

Anyway, some great spots during this match including Hardy dropkicking Edge off the top of the ladder, dropping Edge on an upside down ladder, Jeff hanging from the belt, whisper in the wind off the ladder not to mention one "no way" moment where they came off a ladder together snapping another horizontally placed ladder in the process.

These spots were very creative and congrats to these guys for putting on a spectacularly planning and coordinated match. Got the bitter Cena flavor right out!

Winner: Jeff Hardy. Fantastic finish, great match! Straight edge superdick notwithstanding.


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