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Fernando is more fashionable than you.
Ferrari was no match for the Red Bulls and Mercedes in qualifying. The Italian team haven't scored a dry weather pole since Singapore 2010, and both drivers struggled to qualify well last season.
For both drivers, qualifying was a season-long damage-limitation exercise.
Massa started the season brightly, and his second place in Malaysia was Ferrari's only front-row start of the year. But Alonso fought back with six consecutive "wins" and at the halfway mark the score stood at 7-3.
Alonso's average at this stage was 5.4, while Massa's was 8.7—but that includes 22nd in Monaco, where he failed to set a time after damaging his car in practice.
The second half of the season began with Alonso ahead at Spa, then it was announced that Massa would be leaving Ferrari at the end of the season.
Whether it was the freedom of knowing he was no longer fighting for his Ferrari career, a greater liking of the new tyres or Alonso's head dropping as the title slipped away, Massa went on a roll.
Much to the surprise of just about everyone, he outqualified Alonso five times in six races.
Once Massa was assured of a seat at Williams for 2014, his performance dipped again and Alonso rounded out the season with two wins.
In the final nine races, Alonso's average grid slot was 7.0, for a season total of 6.16; Massa's was 7.66, giving him an overall average of 8.21. In terms of time difference, Alonso was on average 0.224 seconds quicker (thanks to F1Fanatic for those stats).
So a win for Fernando, but it was far closer than he might have expected.