Wake up! Up I say, you cads!
We've got a game to win, men! And we're not going to bring home the brisket with half our roster passed out in the media room.
There's a time and a place to dream about trekking through the Rockies alongside the animal cast of Homeward Bound, and that time is not now. While infinitely wise and inexhaustible in his perseverance, Shadow will not help us beat State!
We must guard ourselves against lethargy, men—as sleep is a coy mistress. It creeps up on you at odd times and leaves you bent over in public places.
As Jameis Winston once said, "I asked my team: 'Are you sleeping?' They said 'We're sleeping if you're sleeping.' I said 'We're sleeping, then.'" I believe that's how it went.
Regardless, falling asleep with cameras around can leave you in strange and compromising positions. The following are sports figures and fans who dozed off under...unique...circumstances. Take in their follies and learn from their lessons.
There is rest for the weary, just not on live television, you jagaloons.
Coach Mike Ditka needed a little help from his friends to stay in the game after falling asleep on Sunday NFL Countdown during Week 17.
Factor in the sheer man-hours he spends on daily mustache maintenance, and Ditka is working the same—if not longer—hours than he did as head coach of the Bears.
Probably Dreaming About: Mr. Berman, bring me a dream; Make it a bratwurst, with hot onion rings...
What do you do when you're a passenger on a long, miserable car ride through ugly country?
You sleep and hope to dear God you wake up when the journey is over and the reek of White Castle has faded from the interior.
Unfortunately for Carmelo Anthony, he can't snooze through a dumpster fire of a season—not in the New York media market. Sitting out of New York's Christmas Day game against the Oklahoma Thunder with an ankle injury, the Knicks forward appeared to nod off for the final minutes of the first half.
It wasn't a good look for Melo, and the image of him sleeping bass-mouthed on the sidelines quickly spawned a Deadspin photoshop contest.
Probably Dreaming About: Dishing the ball to the wing and finding anyone but J.R. Smith.
Prior to his triple arrest bender in May 2013, Titus Young kept things relatively subdued.
According to Drew Magary of Deadspin.com, the former Detroit Lions wide receiver walked into an AT&T store in Detroit with his sister and began demanding employees for free technology. Young's sister intervened, however, and attempted to pacify the situation.
Sometime during this scenario, Young lay down on a bench in the middle of the store and began snoring. No mention was made of whether or not repercussions were assessed for passing out with his shoes on.
Probably Dreaming About: The only thing that can help you sort through important issues.
[Shakes fist at the Lord] Is nothing sacred anymore?!
Unlike some featured in this slideshow, DeAndre Jordan had a free pass to sleep, perchance to dream while traveling on a team flight in 2012. You're allowed—if not required—to sleep while hurtling through atmosphere at 500 mph in a flying cattle car.
Unfortunately for the Clippers center, the moment he dozed off was the same moment Blake Griffin and Chris Paul began crumbling some sort of vile, loaf-ridden pub mix on his inert body.
Probably Dreaming About: Teaching Chris Paul's son about the universe.
A Tempur-Pedic it's not, but based on my own experience, the top of a desk chair can feel like goose down to a tired high schooler.
If you've never dozed off in class, it's difficult to understand the caliber of slumber Reuben Foster is experiencing in this picture. Taken prior to his enrollment at the University of Alabama, the blue-chip linebacker recruit was napping hard in class in early 2013.
It should be noted that Foster awoke from his slumber, realized he had been caught and proceeded to go into a sleep-standing routine for the camera—because class clowns gotta clown.
Probably Dreaming About: Sugarplums and title games.
As I've mentioned in prior articles, Mike Francesca appeared to fall sleep and began mumbling about "pizza mice" during this 2012 interview with WFAN's Sweeny Murti.
Francesca sees it differently, however, claiming he did not slip off for a brief dream adventure involving mice made out of pizza and "Mayhem" from the Allstate commercials. He claimed he was simply tired from a sleepless night at home tending to his children.
Probably Dreaming About:
Image via Bleacher Report
"(Snore) I told 'em bout it..."
"I said no ham on the cats, Calbert...Not in my house..."
It's unclear if Bob Knight was sleeping or suffering through migraine-like symptoms during this segment of College GameDay in 2012, although his co-host Digger Phelps felt it necessary to give the college hoops legend a poke to alert his senses.
It was a bold move by Phelps, since conventional wisdom suggests Knight is the last sleeping dragon you'd ever want to rouse.
Probably Dreaming About: Fishing, or some strange act involving Calbert Cheaney, house cats and lunch meat.
For the first few moments of this footage, I was convinced that Jack Nicholson was merely doing his civic duty as a Los Angeles Lakers superfan/celebrity and telling his director to pound sand via iMessage.
All of that goes out the window at the eight-second mark, however, when his head shudders and his eyebrows assume the posture of half-confusion only used by the recently awakened.
Probably Dreaming About: Verdell.
Summer afternoons in Chicago are about as sluggish and sweaty as they come, but there's no excuse for sleeping in plain sight at the beginning of a day game.
This point eluded (then) Florida Marlins pitcher Edward Mujica, who draped a towel over his head and grabbed a few Z's during a 2011 game against the Chicago Cubs.
One sportscaster eviscerated the yet-to-be All-Star reliever, saying he didn't know who Mujica was and couldn't believe he'd sleep on the job in front of everyone. Let's just say he's learned to pull his head out of his...naps...since this day.
Probably Dreaming About: His yet-to-be-realized brand of "Mujica Mojitos," which would sell like funnel cakes in Boston, which wolfs down awful plays on words by the pound.
Here's the one case where it's OK to sleep in sports: When you're hip deep, big-spooning a shiny, blonde beauty like the Wanamaker Trophy.
Probably Dreaming About: Sweeping over a meadow of pizza and Sprite Remix rivers in Bubba's Hover.
Forearm pillows? Check. Headset askew? Roger.
New York Mets announcer Keith Hernandez didn't traipse into dreamland during the extra innings against the Giants in 2010—he put his head down and charged heedlessly into the teeth of hibernation.
Unfortunately for Hernandez, hitting the hay during a live broadcast continues to be frowned upon in the mainstream media, and he was forcibly returned to consciousness in order to complete the show.
Probably Dreaming About: The second spitter.
The sideline reporter walks down a dangerous and thankless road.
Being on the front lines of sports is taxing on the body and soul. On the best days, your work is under-appreciated, while your worst days end in brain bruises.
For that reason, we can't dump on Craig Sager for falling asleep in the lobby of a Milwaukee hotel in 2013. He's a hardworking man, and if needs to crash in an arm chair to achieve even the semblance of sleep, that's fine. We also can't really dump on the college kids for photobombing him, because holy God —it's Craig Sager!
Also, it should be noted that woke up and took pictures with the kids. The guy can't be fazed.
Probably Dreaming About: The best comeback ever for his next interview with Gregg Popovich.
I lied—"now" is always the right time for nap time.