How many times have you read an article or a story in the newspaper and thought “That was right on” or maybe “What a load of crap!”
Part of the beauty that makes up Bleacher Report is the comment section, you just don’t find that on many other sporting news sites. It is a place where you can really tell the author exactly what you think.
In my time here I’ve had my fair share of glowing reviews, humorous responses, constructive criticism, and some down and dirty insults.
All press is good press as they say, so at times even an insult is appreciated, at least you know that someone out there is reading your work and cared enough to tell you what a steaming heap they thought it was.
This weekend I was truly put to the test. I endured some of the most amusingly bitter heckling that I’ve ever seen in the NASCAR community, sadly most of it is not fit to reprint and the member has since been deleted.
But before his imminent departure he did leave me this tasty little nugget.
“You are the one that brought up monkeys lady. I’m quite sure that you are skilled in the ways of monkey spanking and it would not surprise me one iota if you peed standing up!”
Wow, how’d he know?
It got me thinking of comments past, which inspired this article. So please sit back and enjoy the first installment of my self indulgence.
All comments have come from my personal articles and a handful of ones that I've responded to that I found especially humorous.
I know that I have missed some real gems out there, so please feel free to add your favorites!
With the exception of one special writer, all names have been omitted to protect the innocent and guilty.
I take great pride in the fact that a few of my articles have been known to cause spontaneous liquids to be blown out the nose of the reader. That is my personal Pulitzer prize.
Let the Spewing Begin
“Your article should have come with a please don't take a drink of your soda warning LOL I've gotta clean off my monitor now!! Oh man that mullet. My dad... yes my very own flesh and blood rocked the mullet for a large chunk of my childhood.”
“HO! You did an excellent job with this. After a couple of chuckles I hit the lines "What is the real issue here? Did he bogart the pipe?" and snorted my milk (out not in).”
“I've laughed till I cried, had water, Coke and beer come out of my nose laughing at your writing, woke up my four Jack Russell's (getting that do you mind look as they are lounging around sleeping). Read every one of your articles, even if I didn't leave a comment.”
“You are queen of wit in here girlie girl. If I had had milk, it would've went EVERYWHERE!! Its bad enough people were looking at me funny when I read it.”
The Comic Relief
“This is the most disturbing, self-flattering, sexist article I have ever seen..................and I love it!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars and POTD.”
“Don't take this the wrong way. It's funny. Don't want to state the obvious but you tend to dwell on bodily functions.”
"I subconsciously decided to date myself. Not like that, although at least it would be going out with someone I love...and who loves me back. Wait that could have too many meanings..."
“Ouch... stop... my sides hurt... now the back of my neck is beginning to hurt... and I can't hide it with a mullet... I'm bald on top and my hair's too thin to grow one myself. but trust and believe when I say that if I could grow hair on the top of my head, I'd find some way to swirl and style it down my back into a mullet after reading this...”
“Yeah Smoke did pooped himself, I have seen a picture were it shows him between the golf cart and his trailer and you can see brown stains.”
“Without making everyone lose their brunch on the East Coast...I think he did. Or as my sister Tessie says, he made some food babies.”
“Regarding the "oh-dear" an uncle of mine was fond of saying "Take a whiff, it's springtime."
“Where the hell did you find picture of the kid with NASCAR underwear on his head---more importantly, who buys NASCAR underwear?”
“Actually, they do make underpants!!! They make "Winner's Circle" boxers for Junior, Gordon, Johnson, Kahne, and Busch. They sell them at Wal-mart.”
“I always found Ferris Bueller cool so the girl version of him has to be equally as neat. I'm prolly gonna be your Cameron Frye of NASCAR friends.”
"My advice, look for Bootie. Bootie makes everything better!" "Wow (Kara), you just dont hear that every day from a girl."
“Inspired insanity! Nice Job!”
“I'm not sure exactly what your point here was meant to be, but thank you for sharing... please drive through.”
“Men instinctively click on photos of women while online, therefore the extra attention directed towards these writers is unfair.”
“ha ha ha - that was sexy fun fighting . Of course - Girls RULE !”
“Can't we all just get a bong? - Ok, that needs to be your next T-shirt!!”
”Of course, there's also the original meaning for NASCAR: Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks”
“Geez , did ya forgot toothless, wife-beating and red-neck in your stereo type, eh? Tell us how ya really feel.”
“Ok so you're saying that people who get hot in a car are athletes? My fat ass Dad drives in a car that has its' air conditioning off because it doesn't work so I guess he's an athlete?”
“My Grandma can sit on her ass for 3 hours driving around a big circle, is she a athlete too?”
“wat doze NASCAR stand for? is it a hater grupe? i no i dont lik NAAPC, they are hatr people”
“I'd so very much like to comment, but I'm afraid I'd forever anger the gods of the English language by even attempting to interpret this...”
"Is NASCAR the perfect mate? Absolutely not, but it remains faithful, always entertains me, has strong future goals, and still respects me in the morning!" Ha!! Great line Kara.”
“I want a champagne celebration as well. So I'm thinking that when I get married, me and whoever my wife will be will have this celebration at the reception. That's way cooler than someone standing up and giving a toast. Or maybe right when the preacher announces ,I now give you Mr and Mrs, we grab the bottles and start spraying everyone in the church. Think they'll go for that?”
Onto the Bad News
“Didn't your mother ever teach you if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all? I know you are entitled to your opinion but what did Tony (Stewart) ever do to you? I am a big fan of his, faults and all. Pick on someone your own size.”
“Hey Kara- just a question for you. you ever feel like guys on here ever gang up on you? I dunno seems to me there is a little something fishy going around. “
“Kara! You should be ashamed of yourself! ;) lol. Better get those Hail Mary's out of the way before the race.”
“What does this prove? That men and women can write equally well. So let this article be the last one that tries to promote women writers. Because you don't see men write articles trying to promote themselves.”
“Um....not trying to be a di*k here but how is this a POTD? I have read a few of POTD and I get it. This is just not what I anticipated when reading what was the best article of the day. Sorry, I guess I just don't understand the whole concept of B/R yet.
By the Way--Football and NASCAR are nothing alike. No comparison whatsoever”
And the Ever So Humbling
“Five stars, pick of the day, and chills down the spine...”
“And this is coming from someone who doesn't even follow NASCAR. The passion you fans of the sport have for your favorite drivers makes me want to join in on the fun!”
“My dear friend Kara, so first my apologies for previous comments. Someone who I respect tons on this site pointed me to this article and she was right to do so. I really like the writing in this and I humbly admit my stupidity a couple weeks ago. You are talented and I am glad I was re-directed your way. Good job.”
"Make it four - am speechless as well. What a wonderful, wonderful story. Thanks Kara for the many ways you bring help and hope to us all."
“Congrats Kara, your N is for NASCAR and The NFL won article of the day and I'm toasting you with a cold "High Life.”
“Congrats on getting your article on Fox!! I thought your article was very good and I did not think you needed any back up. You held your own there very well. Good feeling isn't it!?!?”
“You got robbed. :( Your last article was definitely POTD worthy.”
“I was reading your lady article again, almost made me write something like that. Looks like you have the writers touch.”
“You humbled me! (blush) Thanks for the sweet write, but more than anything else, thanks for linking other female writers....exposure never hurts.”
“Kara, Thank you for honoring me by including me in your well written article, that was so very nice of you. It is wonderful for me to meet someone who is as passionate about sports as I am. Thank you again most sincerely, you made my week!”
“Wow. You've become quite the writer since I left. Congrats.”
“From an "Old Timer" welcome to the fraternity...and as they say on the TV show "Car Crazy" you are a true "Car Guy" [as non-gender specific term]”
While I chose to omit the names of the authors of the comments above, there is one writer in particular who deserves a place of his very own. L.J. Burgess has blessed me with some of the best one-liners and zingers. I’ve ever heard. He can always make me laugh. I know many of you share in this appreciation as LJ is known to get around!
“OK...I really would like to have Martin, Edwards or David Regan's physique.
Maybe not Tony Stewart's though...I'm already there.”
“I'd be shocked that a true Sho'man would assault you like that...that guy was probably some illegal immigrant chicken necker from PA I'd guess.”
“I'll speak out! I am a stinking Liberal and proud of it!”
“This guy could stick a needle in a nun's eye and it would be forgiven and forgotten by next Friday's practice.”
“Actually there was an article pointing out left handed, balding, dual child men that drove U.S. built station wagons...just last year. I think it won a POTD.”
“You are so freakin' cool girl...if you weren't in between the daughter/granddaughter age I'd chase you down...don't know what I'd do when I caught you but it's all about the chase anyway...right? (NASCAR pun intended)”
“In the mid-'80's I had an 'extreme mullet' that I had to braid for the boardroom and kitchen before I went 'full metal Jesus' for a few years.”
“I have the Mullet picture in hand...damn, I loooked sooo hot...then.”
“I've gotta hand it to you, you beat a POTD out of me...Hunteress Thompson.”
“Your life is in constant transition isn't it? That picture on your last piece...haunting...and telling at the same time. That's called 'Art'.”
"Good that you strayed and played in those pigskinner's sandbox. They need a shakeup.Got yer back.”
“Sultry is good...sultry is very good.”
“Gawddammit. If I end up backing Jr. in this deal...I just don't know...I just don't know.”
“It's a full moon...the fangs are out. I told you years ago that Carl will bite your neck if you turn your back.”
“Your reasoning is borderline goofy.”
“That's goofy too...wtf?”
“Hey sparky pants, this is really well done from Europe.”
“You do nice work man.”