The 15 Most Punchable Faces in Sports Movies
Do you know someone with Punchable Face Syndrome?
If so, you'll know that PFS is a potentially life-threatening condition. The disease often targets lawyers, business magnates and others in positions of power, causing their facial muscles to contort into smug, (bleep)-eating grins.
While incurable, Punchable Face Syndrome can be treated with a series of fists delivered to the affected area. Like any other radical treatment, the process isn't without its risks, but it has proven effective.
The following is a number of characters from sports movies who struggled with serious cases of PFS. They possess some of the most punchable faces in the industry—and while I'd never tell you to actually punch someone, I can confidently say these characters deserve some advanced knuckle therapy.
15. Mr. Swackhammer ('Space Jam')
Just imagine it: a hammy, brass-knuckled fist blasting into Mr. Swackhammer's pudgy mug.
Oh, God. Imagine the goosebumps you'd feel as his cigar exploded and hot ash flew into his open, dumb mouth. I'd punch him just to see the look on the Monstar's big, dumb face.
That goof wouldn't know whether to change his shorts or jump for joy.
14. Professor ('The Waterboy')
Got anything to say about Bobby's momma now, Colonel?
13. Pete Dunham ('Green Street Hooligans')
Being one of the "good guys" in a movie doesn't give you a free pass from any and all face poundings.
Pete Dunham dished out beatings for an occupation, but there was something incredibly punchable about the overzealous, bad boy smirk he always kept plastered across his grill.
Just ask Tommy Hatcher, whose own face was punchable enough to have been designed by a boxing equipment company.
12. Timo Cruz ('Coach Carter')
Timo Cruz turned out to be a good guy, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't spend the first half of Coach Carter wanting to put this kid's trash stash into the back of his mouth.
The moment he took a swing at Coach Carter, every fiber in my being screamed for Samuel L. Jackson to end the confrontation with a right cross counter and yell, "NEXT?"
11. No. 66 ('The Blind Side')
"Coach ain't here to protect ya now!"
Oh yea, Jethro? How about Michael Oher rearranges your face worse than that time you tried to sneak up on the mule?
Fortunately for No. 66—a racist jerk portrayed in The Blind Side—Oher chose leniency. Instead of picking him up with one hand and punching him with the other, the big lineman mercifully blocked him over the fence surrounding the field.
10. Danny LaRusso ('The Karate Kid')
A little-known but pivotal part of the Crane Technique is making a face so annoying that your opponent has no choice but to run straight into a ridiculously predictable front kick.
From his constipated fighting stances to his derp-y facial expressions, Danny LaRusso stands tall as one of the most punchable heroes in martial arts' movie history.
9. Ludmilla Drago ('Rocky IV')
This is an equal opportunity punch-fest, and smarmy, femme fatales like Ludmilla Drago aren't exempt from a fist to their rouged pout-faces.
When Drago's wife isn't spouting off pompous lines at press conferences or leisurely skinning baby otters (presumably one of her fancies), she sits silently with a smug look on her face that cries for a big right hook.
Send in Ronda Rousey. By the time she's done with Ludmilla, the Russian's mole will have retreated to her ankles.
8. Guard Lambert ('The Longest Yard')
If you don't want to drop a haymaker on Lambert, the juice-head guard from The Longest Yard, well, that just means you don't want to punch out former NFL linebacker/crazy person Bill Romanowski.
If that's the case, I guess you and I have nothing in common.
7. Phillips ('The Sandlot')
Everyone wanted to see Ham Porter slug Phillips in the face, but for once in his life, the young man took the high road and didn't unload on this preppy mope.
We all knew a kid like Phillips growing up. He was the guy who got the Razor scooter before everyone else. He bragged constantly, and he'd only let you come over and play his PlayStation every once in a while.
And by "play his PlayStation," I mean let you watch him play PlayStation. Just the worst.
6. John Kreese ('The Karate Kid')
Few men on Earth deserved a Crane Kick to the face more than John Kreese.
The Cobra Kai gym leader verily reeked of CrossFit and self importance. He used vainglorious "there is no pain" monologues and over-the-top militarism in order to turn a group of teenage boys into blood-thirsty, Lord of the Flies zombies.
When Kreese stares (and he ALWAYS stares), my hand automatically balls up into a fist.
5. Shooter McGavin ('Happy Gilmore')
This face was designed to be uppercutted through the ceilings of Mortal Kombat.
3. Val ('Brink!')
You know what would go along way toward fixing Val's gap-toothed grin? A Falcon Punch to the face.
The captain of Team X-Bladz had a smile that begged and screamed for pain to be inflicted upon it. Like a Swiss Army Knife of smugness, his face was an endless array of expressions designed to push your buttons.
In a perfect world, Val's face would've replaced the cars in Street Fighter destruction challenges.
3. Bob Sugar ('Jerry Maguire')
Jay Mohr has made a career on being the most punchable face in the room. I say this out of respect.
At a certain point, an actor's ability to piss you off becomes art—and sleazy sports agent Bob Sugar might be Mohr's magnum opus.
2. Judge Smails ('Caddyshack')
A fist covered in fire and the judgment of elderly family members is too good for Judge Smails.
This man and the convulsing hide of leather strapped to his cheekbones deserves the worst kind of punch—a Hulk punch.
1. Norman Snively ('Air Bud')
Drunk and painted is no way to go through life.
Considering he worked as a clown, Norman Snively's face automatically started near the top of the charts in terms of pure punch-ability.
Clowns are terrifying, and their very auras provoke natural hostility in others. Pile on the fact that Snively was an alcoholic dog abuser, and the impulse to sock this man in the mouth shoots up to meteoric levels.
Forget sports movies—Norman Snively makes a strong case for Top 10 Most Punchable Faces in Cinematic History.
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