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No, seriously… they’re not very good. And they’ll prove that once again in the 2008 NFL Draft. Whoever they draft… will suck. The Raiders’ colors suck, their logo sucks, and the old guy in the sweat suit, he sucks too.

Oakland Raiders: Dear Raider Fans...Your Team Sucks!

by Dave Metrick [HUMOR]

40

4078 reads

Humor

April 19, 2008


No, seriously… they’re not very good. 

 

And they’ll prove that once again in the 2008 NFL Draft.  Whoever they draft… will suck.

 

The Raiders’ colors suck, their logo sucks, and the old guy in the sweat suit, he sucks too. 

 

The Raiders are the Michelangelo of sucking.

 

The Black Hole sucks. 

 

The idiots who turn football games into costume parties suck.

 

That Raider fan that stabbed the Chargers’ fan a few years back… he sucks.

 

JaMarcus Russell, LaMont Jordan and Sebastian Janikowski suck.

 

If they gave the Lombardi Trophy to teams that sucked the most, the Raiders would have 20-30 of them.  The Lions would have the rest.

 

If there were a “Mount Suckmore” Al Davis’ face would be carved into it.  Along with Vanilla Ice, Carrot Top and David Hasselhoff.

 

The Raiders suck more than lima beans, Steely Dan and snowstorms… combined! 

 

This article sucks because it’s about the Raiders.

 

I suck for having written it. 

 

You suck for having read it. 

 

Earth sucks for being the place where the sucky Oakland Raiders play their sucky games.

 

Suck, suck, suck, suck, suck!

 

Now… let the death threats begin! 

 

Suckingly Yours,

 

Dave

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40 comments Last one added 6 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Brendan Majev about 1 year ago

    I humbly request that Bleacher Report staff delete this article as soon as possible. It is worthless.

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  2. Raider D Richardson about 1 year ago

    Take a look at our history, get your facts right. You must not know much. Read my artical "Raider Nation: Why Were the Best"

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    • Anthony Tavera 10 months ago

      Raider D,

      I am a Raider fan as well and it is retards like you that make everyones point stand. Your article is Why were the best. Its Why we're the best you stupid assssshooolllleeee!!!!

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  3. Terrance Bryant about 1 year ago

    Does your little ego feel better now? I hope so, because we at Raider Nation already know how the Raider Haters out there feel and it is why we are who we are. So please... give us more fuel.

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  4. David Frink about 1 year ago

    Dave, you suck dead donkey schlong! You're a waste of human flesh. I hope you die a slow painful death from some horribly debilitating disease!

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  5. John Fennelly about 1 year ago

    Dave...what is this....?

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  6. Diego Gonzales about 1 year ago

    That was the most intelligent article I've ever read. No not really I'm just being facetious...and I'm sure you don't even know what that means. Genius.

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  7. Kyle Goings about 1 year ago

    Yep. Pretty sad excuse for an article. Took a whole lot of brains to come up with that one. Am I wrong or were the Raiders one of the best teams in the AFC with Rich Gannon. If it weren't for the "tuck rule," they would have been in two Super Bowls.

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  8. aaron k about 1 year ago

    I got two words for you shut your damn mouth raiders are team of the decades and every team goes thru a bad time but your ass wont be talking when we get thru the bad time and be the way we alway were dominite

    oh and way big man if you were in public where there were raider fans or even at a raider game you woulnt even be taling so SHUT THE FUCK UP

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  9. aaron k about 1 year ago

    oh and I forgot to ask you somthing did you pass kinder garden because the biggest word in this article is Janikowski so before you start hatting learn some vocabulary dump ass!!!!!!!!!

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  10. Acheifs NealandBob about 1 year ago

    I've gotta say, you must be a Chiefs fans from the great state of Missery. Yes Missery. Your teeth are rotten, you stink, you drive an old jalopy Ford truck with a lift kit because you have a small penis, you beat your wife and girlfriend because you have a small penis, and best of all.... you live with your prostitute mother who use to sexually abuse you because you have a small penis. The chiefs suck and will always suck, they haven't been any good for 50 years!

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  11. Jeff O'Brien about 1 year ago

    If they gave trophies for the team that choked the most then perhaps the Chargers would be an honorable mention (and not in a good way), they've never amounted to anything, and it's hard to imagine that that trend will change anytime soon. If awards were given for the fugliest-ass uniforms then the super chokers would take home every award (maybe the vikings would win a couple since theirs is rather lame as well), changing to those powered blues didn't help change their misfortune last season. Where was LaGaynian in the AFC championship game? He had a little boo boo, boo hoo. He should have continued playing, it wasn't like it was pre-season. Will we be treated to another commercial with his helmet on as he's sitting on the couch catching all the action from home? No.. that will probably be reality when.. more than likely.. he and the Chargers are knocked out of the playoffs again, falling short of playing for that elusive super bowl trophy. He'll need that helmet with the visor to help conceal his tears.

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  12. Chargers Are Bitches Dave Sucks about 1 year ago

    Dave sucks.....he probally sucks off the whole Charger team!!!!!!!!

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  13. Chris Radez about 1 year ago

    What happened Dave? A few too many beverages?

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  14. Raider Card Addict about 1 year ago

    Hey Dave, when you were changing your son's diaper, some of it must have fallen on this article.
    Try writing something with a little bit of substance, other than being a basic Raider Hater.
    It gets old, reading pointless dribble, like your article.

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  15. Bryan about 1 year ago

    I think this article should be DELETED!! It just shows that people have there oppinions. so keep ur oppinions 2 ur self.

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    • Kosty Yablon about 1 year ago

      I'm not saying this article is good or bad, cuz i couldnt care less about the raiders or what people say about them, but this dude bryan just said "It just shows that people have there oppinions. so keep ur oppinions 2 ur self."

      are you serious bryan? bleacher report is a bunch of people analyzing stuff and putting their own opinion on it. this website wouldnt excist without opinions dumbass.

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  1. Luis Jim about 1 year ago

    If the was an award for worst writing, we have a winner. I hope it did not require that much thinking.

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  2. S K about 1 year ago

    And people wonder why Raider fans act the way they do. NO FANS take MORE shit than Raider fans do, ALL YEAR, WIN OR LOSE, 2-14, 14-2, it just doesnt matter. I actually think its pretty funny, because Honestly, I dont give a fuck about ANY other team. But bitches like this guy who wrote this weak ass article, deep down, LOVE THE RAIDERS. They just dont have the balls to put that Jersey on. And I love that last line, "suckingly yours". I bet.

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  3. Raider Card Addict about 1 year ago

    Ever wonder what would happen to the sports writers, if the Raiders actually won the Super Bowl? They'd all die of boredeom, because they wouldn't have anything to write about. Heaven forbid they write anything positive about Oakland. Well, 99 percent of them hate Oakland.
    Still call it Super Bowl Envy. Giants can't say they're better, when they are tied for Super Bowl wins with the Raiders.

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  4. TJ Zwarych about 1 year ago

    The raiders suck, they will suck for quite a while. Anyone who doesnt realise that doesnt know much about footballl.

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  5. chetan ranchod about 1 year ago

    For this Writer to hate use that much we should be doing something right.. Raiders nation 4 Ever~~~

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  6. Chris Radez about 1 year ago

    This article bothered me enough to write a response.

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/18808-Oakland-Raiders-A-Response-Column-200408

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  7. Marcus Hagness about 1 year ago

    hahahahahahahahaha that was hilarious

    One thing..... leave "THE HOFF" out of this!

    it's about time i read something on here about the oakland raiders that wasn't explaining why they are going to win the next 10 super bowls. thank you for a change of pace

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  8. dick bo about 1 year ago

    steely dan does not suck - they are awesome. same for limas. agree on the snowstorm.

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  9. Jeff O'Brien about 1 year ago

    It looks like Eli made the right move afterall by not wanting to play for the Chargers, he's got a super
    bowl ring, and San Diego still has zilch, lol, what a pity. You have to feel bad for that franchise and their fans, being that I'm not so sympathetic however.. I really don't. Duh Bolts suck ass.

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  10. D F about 1 year ago

    Freaking Hilarious!!

    What's funnier are the crybaby Faider fans with their panties in a bunch. How do you defend the worst owner in sports history running your team into the ground?

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    • Raider Card Addict about 1 year ago

      How do you defend Davis? Pretty simple....
      *waves three championship rings under your nose*
      Unlike a lot of clubs, we've at least tasted victory....and have done it quite a lot, in our history. Heck, more wins than the Patriots, if you do your history....but if that's what you got a D in....guess history repeats itself....we win, you still suck.

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    • Dave Metrick about 1 year ago

      *waves three championship rings under your nose*

      The last time the Raiders won a Super Bowl, I was ten years old. Congratulations.

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  11. Rendon Ellis about 1 year ago

    You're completely right in everything you said, except for the fact of saying I suck for reading it and you do for writing it, bc 1 I dont suck, and 2 neither do you, bc this is completely true lol. Raiders Blow

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    • Raider Card Addict about 1 year ago

      Hmm, another wannabe who's afraid to show who he roots for....of course, rooting, you might be from across the bay...and since you're a professional sucker, ya, that would be across the bay too....
      Oh no, it's a whiner fan!

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  12. Jeff O'Brien about 1 year ago

    You'll get that typical response from your typical Raider hater who thinks because their last SB victory happened so long ago it has no meaning, which it always will, and doesn't make it any less significant, those 3 titles can never be taken away from them. Someone who's team has not won one probably wouldn't understand that.

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  13. bob james about 1 year ago

    raiders suck...... stop living in the good old days raider fans.... your team isnt the bad boys of the nfl anymore.... there the pussys of the nfl.... darren mcfadden was a good choice though

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  14. Raider Revenge Payback 10 months ago

    Dave: Damn your father for his condom leakage. You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot!!!

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  15. andrew deheer 9 months ago

    fuck the chargers, fuck the chiefs, fuck the broncos, fuck dave, fuck everyone not related to a raiders fan, RAIDER NATION FOREVER

    Raiders will be in the playoffs in about 2-3 years

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  1. art rodriguez 6 months ago

    fuck da raiders ..the bolt motha fuckas!!!

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