Corey Feldman is still playing a huge role in fantastic stories. Sadly, his latest turn isn't as one of the Frog Brothers but as a down-on-his-luck dodgeball player who may or may not have been bullied by teenagers.
Oh, also, this isn't from a weird after-school special, but from an actual dodgeball game.
SportsGrid's Rick Chandler spotted some wonderful tweets that really should find their way onto the feed of some Hollywood producer, because I would pay to see this all happen.
Rather than muck up a perfectly good story (too late?) we present to you dodgeball à la Corey Feldman:
OMG OMG OMG. I cannot fully articulate how great a moment I just witnessed during a birthday party my kids were at.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
We were at one of those trampoline park places, and one section of the thing is a big dodgeball court. Both of my kids jumped in to play.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
There were two older kids, like 15 or so, who were targeting everyone, and they spotted an older guy and started hitting him over and over.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
They pegged the dude in the head four times in a row, and he finally marched off to where the referee was standing to complain.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
He stands there, a fully-grown man, in angry tears, demanding that something be done about the kids, who are now in full-on hysterics.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
He finally storms off, refusing to play anymore. Best part... IT WAS COREY FELDMAN. IT WAS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
@BriguySalisbury I actually said to him, "I think they're just targeting you because you're taller than the others." "BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!"— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
Unfortunately, we have to point out that there was an actual crime that occurred within the confines of this story: Nobody thought to capture all of this on video.
Now, we take the story with some skepticism, but there is no reason not to think McWeeny wasn't privy to some awesome dodgeball encounter.
It's still unfathomable that phones weren't busted out the second someone like Feldman hit the gym. I know I was in the same bar as The Lost Boys' Jason Patric and had a hand on my smartphone just in case anything crazy occurred.
So if Feldman is getting in on some trampoline dodgeball, you call in the amateur video crews.
Still, there is nothing better than the thought of Edgar Frog storming off in a fit after getting one too many balls sent his way.
The best part is McWeeny's son, who offered the following:
Toshi asked me quietly in the car on the way home, "Dad... was that Mouth?" I love that he played it cool at the place.— Drew McWeeny (@DrewAtHitFix) November 18, 2013
Yes, that was indeed Mouth from The Goonies, the same kid who chided Chunk to do the Truffle Shuffle, and he is now getting it returned to him tenfold.
It seems this bullying epidemic has spread to all corners of the sports world, taking over the frantic and beloved pastime known as dodgeball.
Now, don't worry too much about Feldman. If you believe half of what some of the various very NSFW stories have to offer (NSFW link), he is doing just fine in the ego department.
You had one job, world. Get video of Feldman playing dodgeball. It's like I don't even know you anymore, Internet.
Hit me up on Twitter, just not with a dodgeball: