Halloween is on the way and you know what that means—every weirdo on your block is actively preparing to scare the living grease out of you and your loved ones.
As you read this, fake blood is being purchased and corpses are being hanged from trees in residential neighborhoods—all in the name of a holiday designed for children.
The truth, however, is that adults fear way more things than kids. We're the ones who feel a hand on our shoulder, assume it's a killer with knives for fingers and end up apologizing to our best friend in the waiting room of an emergency center. We have many fears, that's just our nature.
If you've been the victim of irrational fear (or a scary prank), the only consolation I can offer you are these images of athletes (and coaches) reacting with horror to various circumstances. They're like posters for terrible, made-for-TV movies, and as such, I've provided them with equally terrible movie titles and taglines.
These are athletes being completely terrified.
"The screaming stopped, but he just (shudder)...kept hacking. Until there was (sniff) nothing left."
To this day, Phil Mickelson has never felt more terrified or helpless than the day he watched Sergio Garcia splash three balls on the final two holes of the 2013 Players Championship tournament.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Silence of the Mickelsons.
Tagline: "Based on a true jackass."
The Lions laundry crew groaned and began to pick straws when they saw this look wash over Matt Stafford's face.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: The Crappening.
Tagline: "See what we did there?"
Martell Webster was the first to notice the small, wet-haired girl crawl out of the television on the scorer's table.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: The Ring 3: Answer Your Cellphone.
Tagline: "Seven days ;) "
This is Jennifer Reilly discovering that she had been disqualified from an international meet in 2002.
Or it's Jennifer Reilly noticing that big upended barrel labeled "Hydrofluoric" laying by the pool's edge.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Acid Pool 2.
Tagline: "It's in my hair."
Steve Mariucci lost his beans when the cannons at Raymond Jones Stadium began going off before Thursday Night Football last week.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Dr. Proctor: The Surprise Exam.
Tagline: "You're going to feel some slight pressure."
GIF via B/R
An angry Tyler Hansbrough was ready to chest-up after someone tangled arms with him over a rebound.
The Raptors forward soon realized that person was Metta World Peace, however, and chose an alternative form of conflict resolution—a resolution which involved reeling in abject horror.
Made-For-TV Movie: Psycho T vs. Metta
Tagline: "Winner kills all."
You want Reche Caldwell to go down and check out the cellar? Nope. Not happening.
Reche has seen that movie, and it ends with his gallbladder being eaten al fresco.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: The Foxborough Funhouse Massacre
Tagline: "Funny mirrors do funny things to Bill Belichick."
They meant well, but the creators of Death Volley continue to overestimate the appeal of a movie about killer volleyballs that haunt the beaches of Hilton Head Island.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Death Volley 2: Heads Will LOL.
Tagline: "Bump. Set. Dead."
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Weekend at Dantanio's.
Tagline: "Mark was a stiff, now he's the afterlife of the party."
Abandon selective targeting. They've breached the outer walls.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: 28 Serves Later.
Tagline: "Wimbledon't shoot for the heart."
Brady Hoke must instill the fear of God in his special teams units, because punter Will Hagerup looked like he bobbled a live grenade after loosing the handle on this punt.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Snapped.
Tagline: "Coach offered him a full-ride. To Hell."
GIF via GIFulmination.com
Two men walked onto the field. Only one walked off still a man.
Mark Sanchez jumped like an ax murderer was coming his way when Bills corner Drayton Florence pump-faked him with a bull rush. It continues to be a highly underrated Sanchez moment, and one of the best things to happen anywhere.
Made-For-TV Movie Title: Marked For Death.
Tagline: "You can run, but you can't slide."
GIF via @CJZero
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