How Chris Webber Buried the Kings...Again

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How Chris Webber Buried the Kings...Again
(Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

Last night could prove to be a devastating night for the Sacramento Kings.

Despite having the best chance at the No. 1 pick (25 percent), the Kings fell to the fourth pick.

They will now likely miss out on Blake Griffin and Ricky Rubio. What happened? What caused this disaster?

Was it bad luck? Was it the ping pong balls? An NBA conspiracy?

No, no, and no.

The answer is really quite obvious. The blame can all fall on the shoulders of one man: Chris Webber.

That's right, Chris Webber has done it again!

Webber, you say? How could he have affected this? Following basic logic, the answer becomes clear.

Last night at the lottery, each team sent one representative from the organization to represent them. The Kings sent Webber. From there, the catastrophe that is Webber took over.

The teams were announced one by one until they got to No. 7. At this point Webber obviously channeled the negative energy from his crippled knee, forcing the order of the lottery into a tailspin.

First the Timberwolves leapfrogged the Kings. Then the Thunder. Then finally the Clippers, leaving the Kings with the fourth pick instead of the first.

Why would Webber do such a thing to an organization that just a couple of months ago retired his jersey? I believe the answer lies in Webber's unconscious mind. He obviously couldn't handle the idea that the Kings could get respectable again without him. This is the only possible explanation.

Ping pong balls? No way. Bad luck? Nope. This is all Webber's fault.

Remember, also, this is not the first time he has killed this organization.

In the '03 playoffs, about to go up two games to none in the Conference Finals against the Mavericks, Webber decided victory was not an acceptable option. He had to do something, but what could he do? Then it came to him like a lightning bolt. He went up for a simple layup and landed awkwardly (allegedly) and destroyed his knee forever.

The Kings went on to lose that series. He would soon have microfracture surgery on his knee and never even come close to fully recovering.

This injury ended the Kings run of success as, “the Greatest Show on Court".

Receiving the money on his max contract, Webber effectively killed the Kings for the next several years.

The remnants of his foul-play remain to this day in the form of Kenny Thomas' back-breaking and cap-killing contract.

Now some five years later, with the Kings on the cusp of regaining respectability, Webber couldn't bear to see the Kings succeed. He had to act. He had to do something.

During his jersey retirement ceremony, the Maloof brothers invited him to be their representative at the lottery. Webber had his chance and he knew it. He would be able to screw them over once again.

As soon as the lottery started and Webber was there, you could almost feel the disaster coming.

As the cameras zoomed in on him it was obvious. He knew what was about to happen.

Ten minutes later, it was all over but the crying. Webber had sucked the life out of an entire city.

Not since Len Bias overdosed on cocaine has one man killed an organization as much as Webber has killed the Kings.

Chris Webber giveth, but mostly, he taketh away.

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