20 (Fake) Questions With(out) Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe

Matthew HockingCorrespondent IMay 20, 2009

CHICAGO - OCTOBER 19:  Chris Kluwe #5 of the Minnesota Vikings has his punt blocked by Craig Steltz #20 of the Chicago Bears during the first quarter at Soldier Field on October 19, 2008 in Chicago, Illinois. Garrett Wolfe #25 of the Bears returned the ball 17 yards for a touchdown.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)

Nobody wants to ask the punter questions, but for my fictional interview, except me of course. I am fascinated by the oft maligned position, and the men who’d put themselves in the role.

1. With the odd exception, like Mike Scifres during last year’s playoffs, you usually don’t hear too much about punters unless they’re playing poorly. What’s the draw to the position?

2. Last season, against New Orleans, Reggie Bush returned two punts for touchdowns in a game the Vikings almost lost. How do you pick yourself up after a game like that and move forward?

3. One of your best attributes is your ability to pin the ball inside the opponent’s 20-yard line. What’s the technique involved in angling the ball so that it drifts to where you want it, but doesn’t end up as a shank?

4. Punters and kickers have an unusually long lifespan in the NFL. How long are you planning on playing?

5. While punters and kickers do have a long lifespan, they are on a remarkably short leash. You were a training camp cut in Seattle a few years back, do you ever find yourself looking over your shoulder even just a little?

6. Think back over your whole career, and tell me, what was your best punt?

7. Your worst?

8. Last year, the Jets found themselves without a kicker when Mike Nugent was injured. In an emergency, do you think you could kick a field goal? Is that something you drill?

9. On the flip side of that, do you think Ryan Longwell could punt?

10. In the same vein, the Viking’s emergency snapper is Jared Allen, how much time to you get to work with him?

11. How does kicking in a dome most of the season change your strategy as compared to kicking in an outdoor stadium?

12. Former Vikings Special Team Coach Paul Ferraro left the team at the end of last season for a position in St. Louis. How has the adjustment to the new staff been?

13. You’ve lived all over the U.S. from Philly, to Los Angeles, to Minnesota. Where do you think of as home?

14. Do you ever sit back there, it’s 4th and 1, and think to yourself, “I could make this. I’m going to run.”

15. One thing many people might not know about you is that you’re a world class Guitar Hero player. What’s your best song?

16. Does playing Guitar Hero help you punt at all? With hand-eye coordination maybe?

17. Have you talked to the Madden people about making punting in the game rhythm based?

18. Ok, the looming question. Better raid DPS: Rogue or Mage?

19. Do gnomes deserve a healing class? And a follow-up: have you ever wanted to punt a gnome?

20. Seriously though, as a special teams guy, do any of your teammates other than Cullen Loeffler and Ryan Longwell ever talk to you? Or is it pretty much just the three of you out there?

I'd like to thank Chris Kluwe for...er...not answering these questions.