College Football 2013 Week 5 Simulation

Adam KramerNational College Football Lead WriterSeptember 25, 2013

College Football 2013 Week 5 Simulation

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    Image Via EA Sports
    Image Via EA Sports

    It was only a matter of time before NCAA Football 14 got hot, and the world’s most outstanding simulating machine found its rhythm in Week 4.

    The video game finished with a 4-1 record, raising the overall season record to 11-9. This is not where it needs to be, but all great runs require a spark. This was that spark; expect that momentum to be carried over to Week 5.

    For those of you who are pulling up a chair for the first time, here’s the syllabus: Using NCAA Football 14, all games from the college football weekend are simulated. The results are then relayed here exactly as they appear. Doctored video game simulations are pathetic, after all.

    There’s a big slate of games ahead; let’s do this.

Washington 14, Arizona 12

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    Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

    I, for one, expected more points. Regardless, Washington’s defense limits Rich Rodriguez’s potent offense to just 229 yards, and the Huskies hang on to win.

    Washington quarterback Keith Price accounts for the team’s two scores, throwing for 217 yards and running for 27 more. Running back Bishop Sankey does not have his best game after a hot start, although he is still solid. Sankey rushes for 87 yards on 22 carries and catches three passes for 34 yards.

    B.J. Denker struggles at quarterback for Arizona, throwing for just 144 yards and three interceptions on 31 throws. Star running back Ka'Deem Carey also never really gets going. Carey finishes with 68 yards rushing on 23 carries.

    For those of you who were expecting points and would like a refund, you can send your requests to NickSaban@Trolling4Life.com.

Oklahoma 37, Notre Dame 27

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    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Notre Dame finishes with more yards, but Oklahoma capitalizes off of three second-half turnovers to walk away with the road win.

    Multiple Oklahoma quarterbacks see the field and all are productive. Blake Bell and Trevor Knight combine to throw for 195 yards and three touchdowns. Bell also does ample destruction on the ground, running for 65 yards and another score.

    Tommy Rees shows off the good and bad for Notre Dame. The good is actually quite good, and Rees throws for 288 yards and three touchdowns, two of which go to wideout DaVaris Daniels. The bad is, well, quite bad, as Rees throws for three interceptions.

    And that’s how the Crayola crayon “PurpaRedBlueRage” was invented, the color of Brian Kelly’s face as Tommy Rees walked off the field following his third interception.

Alabama 56, Ole Miss 7

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    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    This one is over shortly after it begins. Alabama finishes with 567 yards of total offense and Ole Miss, well, does not.

    The Crimson Tide running game goes berserk, and four running backs finish with at least 50 yards on the ground. Together this group combines to run for 337 yards and five touchdowns. Quarterback AJ McCarron is also on point, throwing for 203 yards and two scores.

    For Ole Miss, Bo Wallace does not have his best game (as you probably predicted from the score). Wallace throws for 147 yards, a touchdown and three interceptions. Running back Jeff Scott rushes for 47 yards on 17 carries.

    The asking price for Nick Saban just went up another million, Texas. In fact, just put a blank check on the table in front of him and see if he takes it. (Note: He will not, but rumors are fun). 

Ohio State 34, Wisconsin 17

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    Kirk Irwin/Getty Images

    Wisconsin jumps out to an early 17-0 lead, putting the favorite on the ropes. Ohio State responds, however, scoring the final 31 points to take this Big Ten tussle.

    Buckeyes quarterback Braxton Miller indeed plays, and apparently he is very healthy. Miller throws for 330 yards, runs for 86 and scores five touchdowns. Yes, Ohio State missed an extra point, which isn’t all that important but somehow felt worth noting because no one ever misses extra points in this game.

    Wisconsin quarterback Joel Stave throws for just 99 yards. He also adds two touchdowns and two interceptions. Running backs James White and Melvin Gordon combine for 165 yards on the ground in a losing effort.

    Shortly after the game is finished, Urban Meyer “accidentally” texts Bret Bielema “scoreboard.”  Hey, old habits die hard, man.

Georgia 35, LSU 7

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    Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

    The game of the weekend is all Georgia from the start. The Bulldogs go for more than 500 yards of total offense, and the Tigers don't even crack the 200-yard mark.

    Georgia running back Todd Gurley is beastly (shocking, really), finishing with 188 yards on the ground on 23 carries. He also catches three balls for 53 yards and scores three touchdowns. Quarterback Aaron Murray is also solid, throwing for 279 yards and two touchdowns.

    For LSU, the box score isn’t pretty. In fact, it’s brutal. Quarterback Zach Mettenberger completes 11 of 25 passes for 134 yards, a touchdown and an interception. The impressive running backs are also held in check, rushing for just 54 yards on 27 carries.

    By halftime, Les Miles is already playing Angry Birds on his phone. And by on his phone, I mean he was having backups reenact his favorite levels on the sideline, using extra footballs as birds.

Notable Scores

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    Thomas B. Shea/Getty Images

    South Carolina 24, UCF 19

    Kentucky 24, Florida 21 - ALERT: WILL MUSCHAMP RAGE METER IS APPROACHING LEVELS UNKNOWN. EVACUATE YOUR COMPUTER AREA.

    Virginia Tech 24, Georgia Tech 21

    Oklahoma State 37, West Virginia 21

    Boise State 38, Southern Miss 10

    Florida State 49, Boston College 39

    USC 17, Arizona State 14 - Don't look now, but Lane Kiffin is going to get a raise. I don't know if I'm serious or not anymore, which is sad.

    TCU 38, SMU 23

    Clemson 35, Wake Forest 21

    Oregon 38, Cal 21 

    Pitt 35, Virginia 26

    Purdue 34, Northern Illinois 0 - Oh, look at you, Purdue. And I mean this in a nice way (for once).

    Utah State 31, San Jose State 28

    Missouri 28, Arkansas State 13

    Iowa 44, Minnesota 7

    Stanford 38, Washington State 7

    Texas A&M 49, Arkansas 10 - Oh man, Bret Bielema has to see that Urban Meyer text message after this? He is not going to be thrilled.