WWE Worst of the Week: The Bella Twins, Kane and More
The beard is still here, and so is WWE Worst of the Week.
SummerSlam is right around the corner, and it's becoming more and more likely that something screwy is going to go down.
Instead of this week focusing on Daniel Bryan vs. John Cena, the McMahon family drama amped up to new heights, and Randy Orton got more involved. HHH is also convinced that his pops is going to screw things up somehow.
It's too bad that the two top guys in the company just couldn't have a match. That's too much to ask for when spending $50 to watch.
This week we also had the return of the inferno match announced, John Cena's freaky-looking elbow and the much-anticipated debut of Kofi Kingston's pants.
Also, let's wish for a speedy recovery to Sheamus, who may be out for four to six months. Since he usually takes up one of these slides every week, this article has become 20 percent harder to write.
Ah, just kidding fella, enjoy a pint on me.
So now it's time to sit back, relax, take out your shiny new Money in the Bank briefcase and relive WWE's Worst of the Week.
No. 5: Miz Makes a Match
Since when does hosting a pay-per-view allow you to book a match for a show?
Not only do Vince McMahon, Stephanie McMahon, HHH, Brad Maddox and Vickie Guerrero have the power to book matches whenever they feel like it, but now The Miz has that power for the next couple of weeks?
Why is he bothering booking mid-card matches when he could just add himself to the WWE title match?
And shouldn't the host of a show be someone special? It was cool when The Rock hosted WrestleMania, but The Miz hosting SummerSlam?
In the immortal words of Seth Meyers: "Really?"
No. 4: Kane vs. 3MB
Any time that WWE books a handicapped match, it's bound to be the worst.
On SmackDown, Kane took out the entire 3MB at the same time by himself. Now, 3MB has been pushed as losers for months, so most people probably weren't very upset.
But if three professional fighters can't last two minutes against one man, they shouldn't be employed. Basically, this should be the end of 3MB. Let them go away and be repackaged.
This won't happen, though. They'll likely be on for months jobbing in one-on-one matches even though they couldn't handle one dude.
Now I'm all for squash matches. They make the star look good and give them a chance to showcase their moves. But one man squashing three does more damage than WWE seems to realize.
On Raw, it took Christian over three minutes to defeat just Heath Slater. What a wuss!
And poor Drew McIntyre—he actually defeated Kane in 10 minutes at Elimination Chamber 2010.
No. 3: Finish This!
Since when does attacking a man on the outside of the ring constitute a disqualification?
WWE pulled this one when CM Punk attacked Paul Heyman at ringside on Raw. Heyman didn't land a single punch on him, though, so why was that the end? WWE could have just had Heyman strike first to try to remain consistent with its own rules.
And since when does three guys breaking up a pin count as a DQ?
This scenario went down at the end of Raw when The Shield started to beat down Daniel Bryan. You see stuff like that in nearly every tag match, but this time it was too much for the ref. Maybe he just wanted to go home and decided to call things off early.
WWE gets to create its own storytelling universe, but then it breaks the rules whenever it's convenient. One-time rule changes like this are just lazy writing. It's like when WWE brought in instant replay at Extreme Rules for exactly one match!
No. 2: Lumberjack Smack Talk
Ah, the old slap and run.
Well, that was painful. Not the slap, but the segment.
Who wants to watch the Bellas argue over who is responsible for Total Divas' success?
As for the segment itself, how does Eva Marie have a job? That was an F minus performance at best. She only had two lines, yet she made the Bellas look like Oscar winners.
Secondly—and I've harped on this before—it just doesn't make sense for WWE to promote Total Divas on Raw in terms of storylines. The company is asking us to recall their lumberjack contest with John Cena and Daniel Bryan but to forget that Bryan and Cena were actually there.
Because if they did, then it makes fans wonder why the two top male babyfaces are romantically involved with the top two female heels.
It's a strange mix of storytelling and reality that doesn't need to happen.
No. 1: Stephanie's Tears
Remember that scene in Dumb and Dumber when Jim Carrey makes the most annoying sound in the world?
That sound has now been topped. Stephanie McMahon's fake crying is the new winner.
I'd rather watch Mae Young and The Great Khali star in a remake of Stop or My Mom Will Shoot than sit through five more seconds of Stephanie's crying routine.
How can someone who has such a high-profile position in a major company be so completely oblivious to their own acting skills? Does she not watch the show afterwards?
How many more months are we going to be subjected to this McMahon family nonsense? Maybe those three should just skip SummerSlam altogether and try to work out their differences off of TV. It would be better for everyone involved.
They could always go back to happier times at the pool.
Well, that's all for this week. Agree? Disagree? What was your worst moment of the week? Sound off below and thanks for reading!