Gary Bettman Dart Boards Sell Out

The NHL's Gary Bettman Dartboard series has completely sold out in Southern Ontario.  Plans are being hastily made to transfer unsold inventory from the southern part of the States (where he is virtually unknown) to meet the unprecedented demands in the Hamilton area.

The product features a solid plastic dartboard with a full-coloured portrait of the NHL Commissioner. 

The board is stain-resistant and can be used repeatedly if foods such as eggs, pies, pasta, or even more organic materials, such as mud and feces are thrown at it. 

A spokesman for the NHL refused to comment on the rumour that the Bettman dartboard is clearing the way for a full line of other products. 

Other Bettman products have been popping up in various parts of Winnipeg, Manitoba.  The Gary Bettman toilet cleaner and brush is a huge seller in the Winnipeg retail market. 

Recently, the Canadian military and the RCMP have been getting in on the act.  In Trenton, military ceremonies were highlighted by a huge air balloon adorned with the image of Gary Bettman, floating slowly skyward. 

Without warning the balloon was blown out of the sky by the army's anti-aircraft guns. 

As the shredded and destroyed balloon fell to the ground, an RCMP charge was led and completely trampled what was left. 

The visiting public were amused by the show.  One witness said, "All I can say is that when I saw the balloon after all the drama, I never saw Gary Bettman look so good."