The news was broken late Friday by John Breech, Reporter Extraordinaire (Level Seven) of the BleacherReport.comthat Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner, has been secretly talking to Brett Favre, formerly of the Green Bay Packers, New York Jets, and the Mississippi Rumor Mill about playing for all NFL teams this year.
For clarification, Brett will not be playing this year for the Packers, the Jets, or, as was reported by John, the Lions.
Editorial staff has held onto this piece of the story while waiting for sources at the NFL, ESPN, Yahoo, FOX, CIA, and Wal-Mart to be certain there could be absolutely no primary, secondary or tertiary source connected to the story.
In this economy it had been decided at the owner's meeting that if Favre is really retired, the loss of No. 4 merchandise sales, in particular jerseys, would result in the layoff of another 120 employees throughout the NFL.
Fans and media alike have noted that Favre was released from the Jets after Mark Sanchez was drafted. However, the draft this year was about picking the best available man whose popularity would sell thousands of team jerseys.
This week Reebok confirmed that Sanchez jerseys had sold to the tune of 20,000, making them the biggest seller of this draft pool.
Only then could they let go of Brett Favre, the player who has sold more Jerseys than any player in the NFL for more years than anyone else has played in the NFL. Yes, your favorite quarterback also sells a lot but just not quite enough to keep everyone employed.
They called upon Manny Ramirez's rules interpreter to comb the rules of the NFL to determine how to keep Favre involved enough to keep those jerseys selling. It was determined that any rule could be made with less than (4x + 9y/2 squared) blackballs.
A hot topic was the fact that Green Bay had wanted to be the chief licensee for Brett Favre products. Since sales of jerseys are divided evenly in the NFL, it was felt it just could not be trusted to the smallest (though best, fastest, and coldest) franchise in the NFL.
Stories were leaked that Favre might be coming back to maintain interest in sales.
It was determined that Reebok would produce a No. 4 Favre jersey replica of every participating franchise. Conveniently, Minneapolis papers published pictures of Brett in purple so Goodell could see that a variety of colors do, in fact, compliment Favre's complexion.
Favre, then, would dress with the team, throw out the first pass, and then sign jerseys around the stadium. Several of the weaker teams hoped he could sell some PSL's during this time, too.
X-rays of Farve's damaged right shoulder were requested to be sure he could lift his arm often enough to put on and off all 29 different jerseys. It had already been determined putting on the pants did not aggravate his shoulder.
Starting Quarterbacks in several franchises have expressed concern. The NFL may insist that for each game Brett signs a "Do Not Compete" clause so he will, in fact, leave the field after throwing out the first pass.
Collectors have already been clamoring to have these jerseys sold in a complete set for a discount.
In an unusual moment of candor, Roger Goodell stated, "If it will help us make a few more bucks, you can be sure we will find a way to do it." He added he hoped they could find a way to fairly rip off NFL fans.
While this plan is still locked in a safe in NFL's offshore bank, when Reporter John Breech of B/R broke the news of Brett's itinerary, it was time to tell you...
The rest of the story.
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