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Forget About Swine Flu: E.D.S (Eli Derangment Syndrome) Is On The Rise!

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Forget About Swine Flu:  E.D.S (Eli Derangment Syndrome) Is On The Rise!
(Photo by David Banks/Getty Images)

You won't find this dangerous pandemic on Web Md, but the symptoms are fairly obvious and they are spreading like a California wildfire through the Giants' fandom.

If you encounter someone who cannot think rationally about Eli Manning, insists that he is the second coming of Ryan Leaf, and will not respond to any evidence to the contrary: IMMEDIATELY RUN TO GET YOUR SURGICAL MASKS!!!

We last saw this strain of the disease in people reporting B.D.S. (Bush Derangement Syndrome), where the afflicted could not and would not think rationally about W. Despite his obvious shortcomings, these folks were incapable of considering any evidence that would contravene their adamant conclusion that Bush was actually evil incarnate and the root cause of all of the world's problems (from hurricanes, to meteor attacks, to global warming, to Microsoft Vista sucking, etc.) 

However, this strain has mutated into other forms afflicting people's opinion of other prominent figures, who for whatever their failings have incurred an inordinate and unfair amount of the public's ire. Alert the CDC!!!

 

Recently Reported Cases

I get it; Eli Manning isn't Peyton or Tom Brady. He doesn't play in a dome, or run the spread offense, or play for a team that is candidate for being the next "Greatest Show on Turf." He hasn't put up gaudy numbers, and he may never. However, that is no excuse for the following severe manifestation of E.D.S:

"Despite the Giants Super Bowl victory, I am still not a believer in Eli Manning. He reminds me a lot of a Kyle Orton type quarterback, but with a much better supporting cast."

Kyle Orton? Really!? This is a classic case of irrational derangement. What aspect of Eli Manning reminds this poor diseased mind of Kyle Orton? The multiple fourth quarter comebacks Eli's engineered, one of which may possibly be the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. Are they particularly Orton-esque? 

Orton played 15 games for the Bears the year they went to the Super Bowl,  and he was yanked in favor of...REX GROSSMAN!!! Does that bear a striking resemblance to Eli's career thus far? What exactly is this poor soul waiting for to believe in Eli?

Waiting for him to lead his team to the playoffs every year Eli's been a starter? Oh yea, he's done that. Waiting for Eli to be a Super Bowl MVP? Riiiiight, Eli's done that too. Lastly, the Giants’ stellar supporting cast is this E.D.S. sufferer's justification for Eli's fluky success.

How's having a stud RB and a mediocre QB working out for the Vikings? Last time I checked Tomlinson, Merriman, Antonio Gates are a pretty damn good supporting cast for Philip Rivers. Where's his Super Bowl MVP? These kind of comments are just the classic symptoms of E.D.S. People are just irrational when it comes to Eli Manning, everything he does is bad. Damn any evidence to the contrary.

Here's yet another reported case of E.D.S.:

"He has delivered the Giants a Super Bowl title, in which he was a part of arguably the greatest play in sports history. Overall, a 76.1 career QB rating ultimately is mediocre at best."

And here's another:

"Excellent article and thanks for telling it like it is. Eli IS average."

Wow, Eli's career QB rating is 76.1. That IS pretty mediocre...I guess these guys were pretty mediocre too.

Simms' QB rating= 78.5. Namath's QB rating= 65.5 Bradshaw's QB rating= 70.9 Aikman and Elway, both Hall of Famers, 81.6 and 79.9 respectively.

 

Would Giants Nation sign up for Eli having the career of anyone of those guys? Damn straight they would! He's almost there already, and being young and not having even fully developed, he could still surpass most of them. But noooo, these E.D.S victims pay no mind to these arguments.

 

In the late stages of the disease, doctors have heard patients screaming, "SH-ELI YOU'RE A BUM!!! Hey, Coughlin put in Rhett Bomar already!" Unfortunately, there is no cure for this horrid disorder. All we can do is pray for our fellow Big Blue Brethren who have fallen to this dreaded disease. Anyone want to get a charity run organized for these folks???

 

 

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