You're not going to believe this, but according to Steve Henson and Tim Brown of Yahoo! Sports, who have heard from another source, not only was the drug Manny Ramirez taking not a steroid or HGH, it was not used for weight room performance enhancing.
However, it was still a performance enhancer: in the bedroom.
"The source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the substance is supposed to boost sex drive. It is not Viagra, but a substance that treats the cause rather providing a temporary boost in sexual performance, the source said... The source [also] intimated that Ramirez might bring legal action against the physician."
I can't help it. Even knowing Manny's gonna be out for the next two months, I'm laughing my head off.
First off, to everyone who is now backing Jose Canseco and saying he's right, how would Jose know if this is accurate?
On second thought...don't answer that.
Secondly, Manny would likely have been allowed to have the substance had he asked the commissioner for what is known as a Therapeutic Use Exemption.
So imagine walking up to Bud Selig and saying, "Hey Bud, I'm having a little trouble in the bedroom and am going to be taking a, uh, *ahem* 'performance enhancer,' so to speak, that's not on the allowed list. Mind giving me a pass here?" Bud Selig looks back at you after a fit of laughter (can Bud Selig laugh?) and says, "All right, but I'll need a doctor's note."
I can understand his reluctance and that his ego—not even as Manny or as a ballplayer, just as a man—might have gotten in the way. But he still should have "manned up" and submitted whatever paperwork might have been needed when he first came up positive in Spring Training—at least, if he wanted to keep swinging on the field, as well as off of it.
But this has got to be the worst thing that can happen to Manny. This is an ego killer all around. Poor guy.
Yes, this is juvenile. No, it shouldn't be funny. But it is. It...just...is.
I'll stop laughing when the Dodgers start losing. That's scheduled for, oh, this weekend, when Tim Lincecum comes into town.
But for now, this is hysterical, and for me totally absolves Manny of any guilt.