Predicting the Second Round of the 2009 NHL Playoffs: BT Versus Burgundy

Welcome back to the NHL Playoff Previews with Bryan Thiel and Ron Burgundy!

After a fairly up-and-down first round where I went 2-2 in the West while Ron went 1-3, and we both went 3-1 in the East, we're back with fewer teams, and bigger matchups.

Ron: You...you misread the teleprompter.

BT: What?

Ron: You misread it. It says Tits McGee and Ron Burgundy. You're Tits Mcgee...

BT: Ron, I'm not an idiot. You wrote that on there.

Ron: LIAR! If I had written that one there, my name would've been first, TITS MCGEE.

BT: Seriously? Fine. Here's the second round according to Ron Burgundy and *sigh* Tits McGee.

Ron: Heh, heh, heh.

1. Boston Bruins vs. 6. Carolina Hurricanes

Well...Eric Staal is the man.

The fact that Martin Brodeur lost his third first round series in five series can be discussed somewhere else.

For their first playoff appearance since their 2006 Stanley Cup Championship though, the Carolina Hurricanes certainly made the wait worth while.

One overtime win, scoring the game winner with 0.2 left on the clock, and a two goal comeback with under two minutes to play?

The 'Canes aren't winning on skill alone. They're winning in a way that only happens to eventual champions, or at least teams that end up going very deep do.

They're winning off breaks.

With Boston going up against Carolina though, it'll be interesting to see how both team's match up.

Carolina's offense was going up against a well-developed defense, and Martin Brodeur. Averaging just under 2.5 goals per game may not seem that impressive, but it was the timing and impact of those goals that meant the most.

Tim Thomas and the Bruins' defense were able to hold the Canadiens to 1.5 goals a game, but consider that Montreal's two leading scorers didn't break 65 points in the regular season (they had 65 and 64 respectively), and one of their leading scorers (Andrei Markov) missed the entire series due to injury.

It'll be interesting to see how Carolina's four 20-goal scorers fair against the NHL leader in goals against.

But what about goaltending? In Montreal, the Bruins faced a team that was on the verge of disaster, collapsing around a rookie (well sophomore) goalie who was simply fending for himself.

Cam Ward, although not classified amongst the upper-echelon of keepers in the NHL (although if he takes Carolina deep in these playoffs it'd be hard to keep him out), is a whole new breed. Ward has been at his best during the playoffs, and gets even better when the games get tighter and later.

The Bruins though, can't be discounted.

The Eastern Conference Champs (of the regular season) have put forth a balanced offensive attack in the playoffs, with eight players recording a goal, and only three players not recording a point.

They also have yet to allow a powerplay goal, with a 100 percent penalty kill.

It'll be interesting to see the Bruins' depth and experience go up against a Canes' team high off of a huge game seven win, but it'll be up to the Bruins' role players to keep the little engine that could chugging.

Burgundy: People should stop nit-picking the best of society.

BT: What are you getting at Ron?

Burgundy: I'm looking at this list of "goofs" for my movie. It's completely ridiculous. Like "there are seven members of the Spanish news team on the stairs during the Anchorman fight, but only six of them fight."

First of all, we killed him. Get used to it, it's life, these things happen.

Second of all, it's a "News Team Fight". Anchorman Brawl. Hah. Amateur.

BT: And the point of all this is?

Burgundy: Don't discount number one simply because of a few gaffes. After all, it's not the Bruins fault they had to play Montreal. It's the Canadiens' fault they had to play Boston.

It's possible that playing a weaker opponent only makes these bears hunger for stronger flesh. And bears are vicious, let me tell you.

Bryan says 'Canes in seven

Ron says Bruins in five

2. Detroit Red Wings vs. 7. Anaheim Ducks

The Ducks are the least-surprising upset team in a while. Not only were they finally healthy and playing up to their potential coming in to the playoffs, but they were also playing a San Jose team that has had trouble making an impact in the second-season over the past few years.

When the Ducks won in their first round series, they were dominant. In the games Anaheim won, they outscored the Sharks 13-3.

Jonas Hiller has also played outstanding hockey so far in his first playoffs. He's currently one of only two goalies to play in six games and have a goals-against average under 2.00 (1.64).

The Ducks also come into the second round with the sixth-best powerplay (21.7%) and they've generated the fifth-most goals-per game while only averaging the second-fewest shots amongst playoff teams.

Anaheim's good fortune though, seems to stop there.

Detroit is now one of, if not the, most complete teams in the playoffs.

Chris Osgood simply shrugged off the doubters and transformed a wretched regular season into a sparkling first round performance, as the Wings flexed their championship muscle over the new-born Columbus Blue Jackets.

Outside of a messy 6-5 in in Game four, the Wings simply stymied everything Columbus threw at them, and potted four goals every single night.

Think about this: In the first three games of the series, RJ Umberger was the only Jacket to score—he accounted for three of Columbus' 8 goals that series.

While Detroit has the sandpaper, Detroit has the experienced-touch mixed with the finesse game. The Wings have a different attack for each line, each with their own dangerous components.

If games were measured in skill, Ryan Getzlaf, Bobby Ryan, Cory Perry, and Teemu Selanne would have their hands full with Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Hossa, Franzen, and Hudler—and those are just the forwards.

In the end though, finesse and skill will only win so much in this series—the true victories will come from the trenches, based on which team can out-work the other.

With an aggressive team like the Ducks though, they may play right into the hands of Detroit's patient, yet debilitating style (and keep in mind we haven't seen the best from Pavel Datsyuk yet).

The goaltending (if Chris Osgood's rebirth stays true to form) seems fairly evenly matched, while both defenses can generate endless rushes and control the puck.

This one is going to be good.

Ron Burgundy: Detroit's alter ego has usually been quoth as "HockeyTown USA". However I've always wondered why.

Why does the USA need a "HockeyTown"? Not many of us here like hockey here do we? I certainly don't see a need for it. Much like an all-cooking network, the name is ridiculous.

My feeling is that Detroit wins so often, we should change the name to "PleasureTown" USA.

I've been to "PleasureTown"...it's a nice place. Unless we're actually talking about Detroit, then it's kind of damp.

BT: What exactly are you talking about?

Burgundy: Marian Hossa wants to go to PleasureTown USA.

BT: You mean win a championship right?

Burgundy: Oh...you'll see.

Bryan says Wings in six

Burgundy says Wings in seven

3. Vancouver Canucks vs. 4. Chicago Blackhawks

Burgundy: My friend Brian Fantana, you may have heard of him, has a cologne. It's called London Gentleman. Needless to say, that Mike Cammalleri fellow isn't a gentleman. Nor do I believe he's from London. Making him a liar.

BT: Has he ever told you he's from London?

Burgundy: No. But I know these things. Look at him. He emanates the stench of erotic lies—things that can't possibly be true, but he'll tell them to you anyways.

BT: Can we at least talk about this series?

Burgundy: Well you see, I don't really pride myself on "hockey knowledge". If there's one thing Ron Burgundy knows, it's women. And how to refer to himself in third person. But mostly women.

Looking at this series from the perspective of a woman, the Blackhawks are immediately the better option. They have young, athletic skaters on their team, who are bound for long, prosperous careers.

The Canucks have a pair of twins, which is exotic, but they're male twins. I don't know why, but women don't fantasize about being with male twins. Well they might, but I don't know if they do, meaning they don't. They're missing out.

Roberto Luongo also has a small child. That's baggage. And Mats Sundin? No thank you.

BT: Wow.

Needless to say, this series has the ability to be as exciting as Carolina and New Jersey was in the first round.

The Canucks have the advantage in goaltending talent in Roberto Luongo, but don't discount Nikolai Khabibulin. The 'Bulin Wall' knows what it takes to will a team through the playoffs, and aside from some trouble in Calgary, he was great for Chicago in the first round.

Whether Bulin's Canadian struggles continue or not though will be interesting to see, especially with the Canucks having home-ice advantage.

The Blackhawks though, have the experience of going up against a much more complete team. While many had St Louis beating the Vancouver Canucks based mainly on momentum and Chris Mason's beard, the 'Hawks matched up against a physical Calgary team with a lot of skill, capitalizing on the fact the Flames were walking wounded.

The variance in the offensive attacks between the 'Hawks and Blues could be devastating for the Canucks. The Blues were able to muster only five goals throughout the entire series—the 'Hawks did that once during their series with the Flames, and came close two other times with four goals.

Then again, Miikka Kiprusoff is no Roberto Luongo.

Vancouver also has to have their power play ready. Although they held St Louis to just a 4.2 conversion percentage, Chicago is head and shoulders above that with a 29.2 percent success rate—second only to Detroit in the playoffs.

The second-rated penalty kill of the Canucks is going to have their hands full, but if they can handle the 'Hawks blustery style and keep Andrew Laad away from Roberto Luongo, the Canucks have an excellent opportunity to go to the Conference Finals.

If Chicago starts to skate circles around the Canucks (or skate through them, as the 'Hawks have eight players with 10 or more hits), then the ride could get bumpy for Canada's only hope.

Bryan says Canucks in six

Burgundy says Blackhawks in five

2. Washington Capitals vs. 4. Pittsburgh Penguins

Burgundy: I only have one thing to say: Gary Bettman, your massive erection is showing.

BT: Shouldn't this be kept PG?

Burgundy: It's not my fault that this is the one dream matchup that coerce him to appear in any series prior to the Finals and Conference Finals.

Plus you said Tits McGee like four times.

BT: Uh huh. So you're saying he's excited?

Burgundy: Yes. He'll be going to PleasureTown USA with Marian Hossa.

BT: (Scared to say anything)

Well, if you chose to ignore everything that Ron just said, then I guess I have to tell you that Gary Bettman just got his dream matchup.

The Washington Capitals against the Pittsburgh Penguins. Alexander Ovechkin against Evgeni Malkin. Seven games of a slap-fest between Alexander Semin and Sidney Crosby.

All crude humor of that last point aside, you better getcha' popcorn ready.

The Capitals and Penguins finished second and fourth in the East in goals-for this season and each team has it's share of momentum: Washington and their dynamic comeback series win against the suddenly sputtering New York Rangers, and Pittsburgh with Dan Bylsma's re-invigoration of their playoff hopes.

No one needs a run-down with regards to the offenses of these two teams. Washington needs to hope that they can keep their attack balanced, and prevent Mike Green from running himself into any more walls.

Pittsburgh needs to hope that Crosby and Malkin don't suddenly go AWOL. And that Jordan Staal shows up too.

Both teams have been fairly equal in special teams, finishing seven-eight in penalty killing with Washington opening up a bigger advantage with the man advantage (7th at just over 18% while Pittsburgh was 11th with 12.5%).

Like everything in the playoffs though, the series will come down to goaltending. Marc-Andre Fleury did his part against the Philadelphia Flyers and he'll be expected to continue his development behind this offensively gifted team.

Simeon Varlamov however, is reminding people of Cam Ward circa 2006.

If he expects to keep those comparisons coming, he'll have to stymie the powerful Pittsburgh Penguins.

If the first round was any indication, this kid may have the hand hot enough to do that.

Bryan says Caps in six

Ron says Penguins in seven

Well, that's the second round. How do you feel about your picks Ron?

Burgundy: I feel exquisite. Especially because I didn't copy my choices from a money.

BT:What exactly makes you so sure that she didn't copy them from me?

Burgundy: The fact that I'm smarter than both you and the monkey, therefor I can determine who is smarter between the two of you.

The monkey is.

BT: How exactly did you come to that conclusion?

Burgundy: It's science. It's fact. Maggie the Monkey is smarter than you.

BT: I'll see you in the third round folks...Ron I'm not so sure about.

Panda jerk....

Bryan Thiel is a Senior Writer and an NHL Community Leader for Bleacher Report, as well as a correspondent for HockeyBarn.com. If you want to get in contact with Bryan, you can do so through his profile or email him at [e-mail]. You can also check out all of his previous work in his archives.