WWE Worst of the Week: Cena, Khali and More

Andy Soucek@Andy_SoucekFeatured ColumnistMay 12, 2013

WWE Worst of the Week: Cena, Khali and More

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    The countdown to Extreme Rules is on!

    It feels a bit strange actually, as WWE usually had only three weeks between WrestleMania and Extreme Rules the past few years. 

    It's good to see that the company used that extra time wisely to hype its upcoming matches, instead of doing stupid things like promoting dance competitions and having us watch a man pull a truck.

    Now that's extreme!  

    I know I can't have been the only one who was hoping that Sheamus would jump out of the semi in a trucker's hat and Brogue Kick a defenseless Mark Henry as he was about to cross the finish line. 

    Anyway, enough daydreaming—let's jump in and take a look back at the WWE's most inconsistent, baffling and absolute worst moments of the week.

No. 5: Cesaro’s Bragging

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    Ah, the circle of life. 

    Zack Ryder is fed to Antonio Cesaro, who in turn is fed to Randy Orton, who in turn looks like he's bored for another year. 

    Oh, WWE, you're a tricky one. For a moment there, I actually thought you were going to give Antonio Cesaro a push again!

    On Monday’s Raw, Cesaro handily defeated Zack Ryder (for the sixth time in the past nine months). He then let us know that there was no one left for him to beat.

    Now, this would have made some sense had he not just lost his last nine televised matches, but still maybe, just maybe, this was the end of his punishment.

    Not so fast. 

    On Main Event, Cesaro lost to Orton (for the fifth time in five months). Well, that mini-push was fun while it lasted.

No. 4: Undercover Khali

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    Can the WWE just tell us who Kaitlyn's secret admirer is?

    As far as I'm concerned, whoever it is, they're the biggest heel in the company, since we have to sit through so many bad backstage segments until he/she reveals themselves. 

    First up, Khali put on a Rey Mysterio mask, and sang his theme song for us. Vince McMahon loves wrestlers singing, and he loves broken English, so this must have been comic gold for him!

    Khali then topped it off with a mustache to imitate Cody Rhodes. Next week he'll probably bust out some wigs and other props to keep this undercover story going.

    Now, I'm all for long term stories, but I don't know how many more undercover Khali skits I can sit through.

    Although these segments do keep Khali out of the ring, so maybe they're not all bad. 

No. 3: Dance Off, TV off

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    Fandango and Chris Jericho are set to duel in their first ever dance off!

    Of course it's their first dance off—when else would they have had a dance off?

    Is the "first time ever" slogan supposed to get people excited? Just because it's the first time ever, it doesn't mean it's a good idea. That would be like saying The Big Show and Mark Henry are going to have their first ever pie-eating contest and expecting people to tune in! 

    It would be nice if WWE scaled back on these contests. Between arm-wrestling, truck-pulling and dancing, the show is quickly turning into a bad game show. At least they could do something fun and see which wrestler could last longer in a steel cage with a bear or something.

    That's all I'm asking for. 

    And most importantly, why should we care about Fandango in a dance contest when he couldn't beat the freaking Great Khali in one?!

No. 2: The Big Help

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    WWE seems to be having a hard time getting their heels over lately. 

    One of the many reasons that the heels aren't generating the heat that they should be is because the company continually shows us that they're really not that bad of guys on their own show!

    On Raw, we saw the friendly Big Show accompany Stephanie McMahon for her Yahoo! pregame show unveiling.

    Big Show was excited and all smiles. Stephanie must have called him up and politely asked him to come with. Sure, he could have said "no" because of his "iron-clad contract," but he must just like to help out.

    This all would have been fine if WWE hadn't felt the need to air it on TV. This could have easily stayed online, or they could have just not shown The Big Show with Stephanie.

    We're supposed to hate Show and pay a lot of money to see him fight Randy Orton at Extreme Rules. But showing him being a good guy was counterproductive. It would be like if, halfway through Star Wars, they cut to James Earl Jones hyping that Disney just bought them out. 

    We've seen heels promote reading and rallying against bullying on Raw, but did we really need one to help announce a 30-minute Internet show that airs before their three hour show?

    Were John Cena or Sheamus busy that night?

No. 1: Cena Does It Again

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    "And, yes, I do do it, only when I'm alone, bored, and know no one is watching."

    - John Cena

    With humor like that, John Cena may not have to worry about anyone watching soon.

    Cena is supposed to be in the business of promoting wrestling matches. But John Cena is in the business of promoting John Cena at the expense of everyone else.

    On Raw, he went face-to-face with Ryback. It would have been a good time to get serious and not tell Betty White jokes. But Cena has never met a bad joke that he couldn't resist sharing at inopportune times.

    The guy probably shows up at funerals (dressed in his shorts, hat and over-sized shirts of course), and cracks Vickie Guerrero granny panties jokes to anyone within earshot. 

    Sure, his impression of Ryback was fairly good, but you can only guess how many pay-per-view buys they lost during that segment. When the top face in the company doesn't take the top heel seriously, then it's hard to get excited about their upcoming match. 

    Maybe WWE could just give us a break this month, cancel all the matches at Extreme Rules and just let John Cena do stand-up for three hours on the show.

    That way Cena's humor would actually have some relevance to what is going on, and it would give everyone else a great excuse not to watch the show.

    That's all for this week! Agree? Disagree? What was your worst of the week moment? Sound off below, and thanks for reading!