Boston Red Sox vs. New York Yankees: Do You Feel the Hate?

This Article Originally Appeared on GETOUTOFMYBALLPARK.com

It's that time of year again. The weather gets warm, the sun (and tits) come out, and a young man's fancy turns to banging everything he can get his hands on. But there is something else out there, something more insidious as the Best Sports Weekend of the Year comes along.

It's the stench of the dirt and leftover food rotting in CC Sabathia's folds of fat, the .222 average that Leigh Teixeira's lapdog brings to the ballpark (.194 career in the Fens), Joba, and the rest of the most expensive team money can buy.

That's right, boys and girls, the Yankees come to town tonight to kick off the weekend. In a weekend with the NFL Draft, NBA and NHL playoffs (I got this text from MN Preacher in response to my message about his Habs the other night "I'm on a silent spiritual retreat right now. But I got your message, and have to say, F#$% You. Go Habs!" No, really, he's someones spiritual leader), and all of the glory that is April Baseball, there is nothing that compares to Red Sox-Yankees.

When the two clubs played in Spring Training, I thought about how it didn't really pop to me at that point. The Pinstriped Assholes missed the playoffs last year, their pitching was suspect, and all of the guys we have grown to hate (Posada, A-Rod, Giambi, Matsui, The Traitor, Rivera, Etc.) were either gone or are aging so badly that worn out hookers turn them down.

Even the new guys don't impress me (OK, Sabathia's ability to move when he weighs 800 lbs is a bit impressive. There was no thrill to it. Their Captain and our two best position guys were playing together in the WBC (F#$% You WBC, Give me Daisuke back).

For the first time in a while, even in Spring Training, it didn't matter (though the Sox won).

Tonight, on the other hand, is a whole other story. The Sox and Yanks come in with identical 9-6 records, and the Sox have won their last 7 in a row (sorry for the lack of an update after the sweeps of the Twins and Canadiens the other day, I was playing Heroin Hero and couldn't catch the effing dragon).

The new Ass Hole of the Universe is giving the Yanks the idea that they can hit bombs at will, but leaving that launching pad that they call a stadium (and is empty because nobody can afford $2600 for a seat) will settle them down and leave their power numbers lagging on the road. Think Coors Field, only more evil.

These two teams are ready to bring the hate back in to their relationship with the latest midwinter battle seeing it's first glimpse of the jilted fenway crowd tonight. I will pay $100 to the man (or woman, those bitches can be nasty) who makes Teixeira cry. It's just too bad that Douche-Rod is going to miss this one because he is too busy making out with a mirror image of himself.

Chamberlain (I love when his fans call him Joba the Hut. Do they realize that they are comparing him to a giant slug who was killed by a chick in a metal bikini?) is pitching and his habit of throwing at Youk's head is eventually going to cause things to get interesting.

You just know at some point that The Beard That Should Not Be is going to jump off of his face and strangle Joba if he gets too close (Ortiz might do it for him). What happens when the Sox' bats get past the starters and into the Yanks' pen is going to tell the entire tale of this series, and possibly the season. 

This weekend might have little effect on the standings (which are a lot clearer now that the Rays have returned to form), but it will go a long way to set the precedent for dominance in the division.

Oh, and the possibility of a B's - Rangers series in the next round makes me almost giddy.

I hope New York is ready for a giant dick slap this weekend.

Go Sox.

Done.

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