Nothing says "Happy 29th birthday!" like a mariachi band. Just ask Chris Bosh.
I didn't think so.
Hiring a folksy Mexican band is so Bosh. He seems like the type of guy who might even sport the occasional sombrero and jam on his ukulele while lounging around his pad.
Still, this picture Bosh provides is slightly astonishing. Not because he towers over the band (we knew he would), but because he looks downright possessed.
I'm not sure if these are his crazy eyes, birthday eyes or "I'm down with the musical equivalent of Mexican folklore" eyes, but they're creepy. Like, really creepy. Like, I-probably-won't-be-able-to-wear-a-sombrero-ever-again creepy.
Regardless, you've still got to wonder what the rest of Bosh's birthday festivities included.
Professional athletes of Bosh's pay grade can afford to do just about anything. Was the mariachi band just the appetizer? What did the cake look like? Will a mariachi-inspired version of the Harlem Shake ever surface? Will the band perhaps be accompanying him to the AmericanAirlines Arena, where it'll sing "Happy Birthday to You" in front of a capacity crowd with dozens of maracas?
And will Bosh attempt to play defense using only his birthday eyes? If he does, Kemba Walker will definitely be too afraid to attack the rim.
Either way, Bosh seems to have set a new precedent for celebration.
The rest of the NBA's players can throw their lavish parties. They can have their fancy cars. Dwyane Wade can keep his custom-made McLaren, and LeBron James his Rolls Royce Phantom (courtesy of Shaquille O'Neal).
They can have anything they want.
All Bosh needs is a designer sombrero, a band of six and a ghoulishly glossed look on his face to make his celebratory parties worthwhile.
Happy birthday, Chris.