It’s probably safe to assume that Santa is a Kansas City Chiefs fan because he wears red, Al Davis sued him in 1838, orange makes him look like a pumpkin and he prefers his women in the kitchen serving cookies (as opposed to on sandy beaches in a bikini).
According to an elf with knowledge of the situation, Scott Pioli has also been on the naughty list for the past four years. The source said Pioli’s position on candy wrappers angered Santa about as much as Matt Cassel.
With the Chiefs likely to fire Pioli, Santa could be more inclined to deliver toys to the Chiefs this season.
Santa can’t possibly know what to get the Chiefs if he doesn’t get a list!
Dear Santa, please bring the Chiefs…
Not this kind of pink slip...
Please deliver pink slips to all of the following: Scott Pioli, Romeo Crennel and Brian Daboll.
You can send them FedEx overnight or UPS if you want. They must arrive no later than December 31st. If it makes you feel better you may deliver them with peppermint candy canes, hot chocolate or sugar plums.
Please Santa, all of the following gifts depend on this one.
Please bring the Chiefs Chip Kelly for Christmas. I realize you probably like cookies better, but you look like a man that can get on board with a good Chip.
Please consider that he gave $439 to a fan in 2009, he wears a lot of green and his offense is the only thing that operates faster than your sleigh.
Please bring the Chiefs a good quarterback. Alex Smith is just another Matt Cassel, so please be careful which quarterback you deliver.
Geno Smith from West Virginia would be the preferred option and the Chiefs are willing to wait until April to get this gift. That means you can save money by sending this gift via the United States Parcel Service, but don’t forget the delivery confirmation as we wouldn’t want this package getting lost.
Since you are shipping the gift, you won’t have to put as many miles on the sleigh or the magical reindeer. It’s a win-win!
Thank you, Santa!
Please drop a long-term contract offer at Dwayne Bowe’s house. The Chiefs may not have always treated him right, but they are sorry. Without Charles and Bowe, the Chiefs' offense has stunk worse than reindeer dung and you, of all people, should understand.
The Chiefs are not doubting your magical powers, but they figured a multi-million dollar contract offer was more realistic that asking you to turn Jon Baldwin into a good NFL receiver.
Having Smith without a good receiver is like getting a new toy without batteries. We need the batteries Santa, so please don’t forget this gift.