With the suggestion and insistence of medical professionals, I have been keeping a diary of my nightly REM sleep disturbances over the past couple of weeks. Ignoring the medical implications, I thought it might be interesting to see who among my compatriots are afflicted with these kind of images as well.
Nightmare: The Patriots did not make the 2008 playoffs. (This one came true.)
Dream: The Patriots are able to make the trade for Julius Peppers.
Nightmare: Laurence Maroney does not get hurt this year and gains 1,500 yards going in to his free agency year. What do you do then?
Dream: Fred Taylor gets the nod because Maroney gets hurt, again, and Taylor gains 1,500 yards for the season for cheap money.
Dream: Joey Galloway proves the Patriots right and ends the season with 75 receptions and 1,000+ yards for the season, for cheap money.
Dream: The Patriots 2009 defensive squad is No. 1 in all categories.
Nightmare: The Patriots 2009 defensive squad is mediocre at best.
Dream: Bill Belichick proves that he is a shrewd talent scout when wide receiver Greg Lewis gets just less than 1,000 yards receiving while sharing time with Joey Galloway.
Dream: Randy Moss does not get 1,000 yards, but he does break his old record with 25 TD receptions.
Nightmare: The Miami Dolphins figure out an exercise routine (not 'roids) for Chad Pennington that works so well, nobody can call him Noodle Arm anymore.
Dream: Shawn Springs and Leigh Bodden both get four interceptions for the year.
Nightmare: All four AFC East teams go 11–5 for the season.
Dream: Three of those teams do well, but the Patriots do much better and make the playoffs.
Nightmare: The Chiefs make it to the Super Bowl with Matt Cassel as their QB.
Dream: The Patriots put together another undefeated season and a Super Bowl win.
Now if any of you out there are experiencing similar nightly disturbances, I’m not going to say that anything is wrong, but you should consider consulting your family practitioner. Just to be safe.
The medical staff promised me the nightmares would be going away. And, if there are no nightmares anymore...well, we all know that dreams do come true.
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!