Dear U.S. football fans, many of you have grown weary of Tim Tebow, so I would like to make a Canadian appeal for you to export him to your friendly neighbours (that's how we spell it) to the North.
I am nothing more than a self-appointed spokesman for my country's football fans; I have not done any polls or canvassed the vast space between Newfoundland and British Columbia to inquire about the potential mania for a Tebow move to my native land.
Heck, I don't even live there anymore.
But I love football, I love Canada, and, I'm not afraid to admit it--I love Tim Tebow.
Tebow's fearless head-first carries remind me of the "rock-em-sock-em" nature of our national pastime. You probably know that it is in Canadian DNA to like hockey, but it is less well-known how popular football is among us.
There is a Canadian form of your American game, but one that has a unique set of rules that can leave a first-time U.S. viewer flummoxed.
I doubt, though, that Tebow has the instinct to run to Canada. Such a move would likely be perceived as failure.
Sending a one-time playoff-winning NFL QB to the CFL with all its quirky rules and frigid temperatures could seem like a punishment fit for egregious football offenders. What has Tebow ever done to deserve such chilling exile, you might wonder?
It is what he hasn't done.
Most notably, his career completion percentage is well below average, and for all the extra credit he seeks with various throwing tutors, he can't seem to get over the hump on a consistent basis.
For the time being, he's not getting any opportunity to do so with the Jets.
The threat that Tebow the Jet poses to opponents has looked decidedly singular in these early stages of the 2012 season, even though he was supposedly going to keep defenders off-balance with a dual potential to throw or run.
After breaking out for a 22-yard run in his first Jets appearance against the Steelers, Tebow was yanked so swiftly out of a subsequent must-pass situation that I was ready to throw on my replacement-ref jersey and call a horse-collar on Jets coach Rex Ryan.
If the coaches aren't showing much confidence in Tebow's diverse skill set, New York fans have been even less affirming.
Tebow is currently so unpopular in New York that Jets' fans booed him in his very first regular season "home" game for doing what he was asked to do—spell Sanchez for a play in the red zone.
Surely those boos were more of an indictment of the decision to pull Sanchez on a successful drive than a direct attack on Tebow, but such vociferous signs of displeasure must make Tebow a little less "excited" to be in New York (even if he won't admit it).
New York may not want Tebow, and few (if any) NFL teams have clamored for his QB (rather than marketing) services, so it’s time for Tebow to start learning the grammatical function of the word "eh" and singing "God keep our land." (Think of it as a missionary field, Tim.)
Heading north to the CFL would not definitively close the doors to an NFL future for Tebow.
To reassure him on this point, Tebow could call Warren Moon to hear how it feels to be inducted into both the Canadian Football Hall of Fame and the NFL Hall of Fame.
Yes, I know Tebow is no Warren Moon, but he does have a striking resemblance to another QB who also did professional football duty on both sides of the border.
At 5'11'', Doug Flutie could never pass for the 6'3'' Tebow, but they have very similar styles and accolades.
As an undersized QB, Flutie made his living scrambling like crazy out of the pocket and extending plays long enough for receivers to find open spaces. If we substitute undersized for oversized, that sounds an awful lot like Tebow.
Flutie was wildly successful in the CFL and also proved Pro Bowl worthy in the NFL.
Could Tebow be Flutie-like in the CFL?
In some ways, there would be less margin for Tebow's passing errors in Canada since he would have to get it done in two rather than three downs. But he has a much better chance of achieving a feat up north that he has yet to accomplish in his still young professional U.S. football career: start at QB for the entirety of a season.
Imagine the strides Tebow could make under such circumstances. CFL success is not guaranteed for Tebow, but he has never been perceived as a sure thing, and Tebow has seemed to like it that way—as long, that is, as he gets a chance to defy the odds.
Right now Tebow is not getting that chance.
For the faithful remnant of Tebow fans in the U.S. who would miss Tebow terribly if he departed on an Air Canada flight, you will be relieved to know you can still watch him; there are increasing opportunities to catch CFL games on television and online.
NBC Sports now covers the CFL, and you can watch quite a lot of CFL action streamed live on ESPN3.
Besides, we have already sent you Canadian icons to play for American teams in a variety of professional leagues: Wayne Gretzky, Steve Nash, Jason Bay (whoops, sorry about that Mets fans). And that's just to name a few.
Time to return the favor (well, for the first two I mean).
In the contentious confines of chat rooms and during fraught encounters at water coolers, there is one slogan that could unify Tebowholics—who are experiencing withdrawal during this tame and lame Wildcat stage of Tebow time—and those legion of NFL fans so sick of hearing about him that a mere glance at the number 15 sends their pulses soaring.
Ready everyone. Say it like you mean it: "Send Tebow to Canada!”