So, after—what is it now, 16 years?—I think we can all safely agree that there are three constants in life: taxes, death and Arsene Wenger’s teeth-gnashingly mysterious public persona.
Honestly, Wenger’s mystique never fails to baffle me. You are about as likely to squeeze a transparent answer out of Arsene Wenger as you are to see Donnie Brasco pop up on a Magic Bullet infomercial.
Wenger’s ambiguity is beautiful. It’s also damn sickening. God, I don’t actually know what it is. I don’t know whether I like it or not, it’s kind of like...computer updates. I know they’re a reality, and I know that they obviously serve a function and I love that mysterious function that they serve.
But I still hate them for existing in the first place.
Anyway, I was thinking about something (I can’t remember what it was, probably the earth-shattering concept of a Doritos milkshake) and came to a conclusion about something that I would love:
To be stuck in a locked room with Arsene Wenger and some Veritaserum. Which is the truth potion from Harry Potter. Duh.
Obviously, reality crushed my dream quite abruptly. But the song wasn’t over, and my silly brain asked itself a silly question that kept silly Emile awake until three in the morning:
“If you had five questions to ask Arsene Wenger, and he was absolutely going to answer them with complete frankness and honesty...what would you ask him?”
Well. Here they are. But before you read on, you have a think about it. Post your questions at the bottom of the page, and if you think you can answer someone else’s, give it a shot. Who knows? Arsene Wenger might have a B/R profile...
Stranger things have happened...