John Cena Thinks You're a Child: Analyzing His Latest Blunder

Andy SoucekFeatured ColumnistJune 26, 2012


As in, "I'm going to win the whole fudging thing."

Have you ever heard a grown man say “fudging” in your entire life? Think about it for a moment.

If you have, did you think that guy was cool?

I don’t mean to start another article on how Cena sucks or how I hate him. I’m just trying to say he baffles me. Completely.

John Cena seems to have given up on trying to appeal to anyone over the age of 12. That’s a shame.  He’s alienating a huge part of the WWE fanbase, as the actual average age of a RAW viewer is in his 30s.

Not nine.

According to John Cena, it’s okay to say the word “fudging” because it’s a PG show and the average viewer is still in grade school. Now, even if you are a Cena fan in your 20s, 30s, 40s or older, he basically made you sound like a fool for watching a show catered to a nine-year-old.

Can you imagine The Rock or Steve Austin saying something similar? 

Can you imagine Steve Austin standing in the middle of the ring, yelling out “Oh heck yeah, I’m gonna stomp a mudhole in your butthole,” and then explaining to The Undertaker that he can’t say “hell” and “ass” because his average viewer is nine?

No matter what Cena tried, he wouldn’t be at an Austin-type level. No one is.

What I just don’t understand is why he continually has to cater to children exclusively. Many kids are going to watch wrestling no matter what. They always have.

Kids are always going to think a top babyface is their guy, like Austin, Hart, Michaels, Goldberg or DDP. They’re always going to think he’s cool. There’s no need to pander directly to them with poopy jokes and second-rate Jim Carrey facial expressions. 

Just be the best-perceived fighter in the company and back up your talk with your game. That's it.

The goal of a wrestling promo is to get people to believe that you’re about to fight someone you don’t like. Each guy should talk about how they want to win. At it’s core, that’s basically it. 

John Cena doesn’t let anyone under his skin. He breaks the fourth wall and does impressions while he smirks his way through his promos. 

The way Cena goofs off leaves the heel to be the only one to take the fight seriously. Why exactly should the audience like the goof and not the guy who actually looks like he cares he's going to be in a fight?

In the end, there’s no reason on a show that has a twisted love triangle in one segment to then have your main star doing over-the top-acting usually reserved for silent films .

If any wrestler is the nine-year-old in professional wrestling, it’s John Cena. 

And it’s time to grow up.