Daniel M. Snyder,
Before you get too involved in this upcoming offseason, I would like to take this time to look back on your current stay with the Washington Redskins.
Since you became the owner of the Washington Redskins in 1999, you have made the Redskins one of the most profitable teams in the NFL. We would like to thank you for giving us the biggest capacity stadium in the NFL with over 84,000 seats. In honor of your name, I'd like to review all your great personnel decisions you've been a part of over this millennium.
Mr. Snyder, your first wave of great players acquired through free agency or trade began with guys like QB Jeff George, DE Bruce Smith, CB Deion "Prime Time" Sanders, LB Jessie Armstead, LB Jeremiah Trotter, and WR Laveranues Coles. But you didn't want to do it alone, so in June of 2003 you moved Vinny Cerrato to Vice President of Football Operations. After that things really got moving.
Next players like WR Brandon Lloyd, S Adam Archuleta, RB T.J. Duckett, CB Troy Vincent, WR David Patten, WR Todd Pinkston, LB Randall Godfrey, WR Reche Caldwell, and WR Keenan McCardell. Then you gave Cerrato the Executive title in front of VP this past offseason, leading to P S Stuart Schweigert, DE Erasmus James, RB Shaun Alexander, and DE Jason Taylor.
Your success doesn't end there though, Mr. Snyder; you and Cerrato's "eye" for talent have created numerous successful draft classes. You have drafted young talents like WR Rod Gardner (15th overall), QB Patrick Ramsey (32nd overall), WR Taylor Jacobs (44th overall), and arguably players like QB Jason Campbell (25th overall), WR Malcolm Kelly (51st overall), TE Fred Davis (48th overall), and P Durant Brooks (168th overall).
Let's not forget, you need great coaches to coach your great players, and no one understands that better than you. After axing Norv Turner, you brought in Marty Schottenheimer, Steve Spurrier, and dragged Joe Gibbs out of retirement to improve his already illustrious career.
Then after his retirement you hired an offensive coordinator before a head coach, but you're smart and you realized your mistake, so you just named Jim Zorn head coach.
Now I'm sure I missed some players or other outstanding decisions you've made. However, I didn't want to over-flatter you.
In reading this, I'd like you to sign below on the dotted line confirming that you agree to the above statements.
Daniel M. Snyder x.....................................................................................................
(*Real Small Print: By signing the above line you are immediately relieved of all your duties within the Redskins organization. You are to leave with your accomplice Vinny Cerrato, and the two of you are to never return to the Redskins organization in any extent.)