IMPACT Wrestling Quick Thoughts for March 22, 2012: Help Wanted!

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IMPACT Wrestling Quick Thoughts for March 22, 2012: Help Wanted!

Victory Road has passed and TNA is looking forward to Lockdown on April 15.

We’re officially on the road to one of my favorite pay-per-views, Lockdown. LOCKDOWN!

Let’s just jump right into this.

 

- Dixie Carter is a better actress than Eve Torres.

- I’m not so sure about Sting’s decision to become a full-time wrestler again. C’mon Stinger, you’re 50 somewhat years old and you’ve been the best authority figure since Jim Cornette. TNA doesn’t need Sting, the wrestler, they need Sting, the general manager

- Sting shows signs of his concussion and head injuries by recommending Hulk freaking Hogan as the general manager.

- At least Dixie isn’t sure. It’d be stupid for her to be sold on the idea within 5 seconds.

- The X Division looked good tonight. High-flying action, risk-taking spots and even TNA’s classic Tower of Doom!

- Joseph Parks may not have found his brother, but I think he did find Anthony Nese, Kid Kash and Hernandez. Why’d he find Anarquia, though?

- Bully Ray turns out to be a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.

- Tony Nese took to Twitter by saying he wants a rematch, one where nobody can interfere! Lockdown? Please do.

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- Buzz Kill Ray may have kicked Austin Aries into a face turn.

- Anarquia doesn’t make his car payments. He should switch to Direct, they saved Kurt Angle $600 a year!

- Anarquia is just comedic relief. There’s no way anyone, and I mean anyone, can take that guy seriously. Even some of the TNA wrestlers refer to him on Twitter as “#TheOtherGuy.”

- Anarquia is funny. He actually believes he and Hernandez are going to beat Samoa Joe and Magnus. 

- Sarita is the hottest Knockout in IMPACT Wrestling. Back off, it’s my opinion.

- Does anyone else think Eric Young should just stop wearing pants? What’s the point if he takes them off every match?

- TNA Knockouts fall for EY and his shaggy, disgusting beard. If that beard attracts girls like Sarita and Rosita, I’m gonna stop shaving immediately.

- We still never heard what EY did with his engagement ring. ODB asked him, then just made out with him.

- How come their wedding has to be on the final show before Lockdown? Seriously? They could plan a wedding within a month?

- Matt Morgan’s Direct Auto commercials will launch him to superstardom in Hollywood. TNA knows this, which is why they keep him so busy between IMPACT and Ring Ka King. They don’t want to lose their Blueprint.

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- Crimson is pretty awesome as a heel. When my new Crimson t-shirt comes in the mail, I’m going to spear the hell out of the delivery guy for taking too long.

- Crimson proposed a match against Morgan? What?! A heel actually challenging a face to a wrestling match?! That’s unheard of!

- Is it me, or did TNA really beef up their security squad? Is Murphy reading this? He must be, since I said their security is weak.

- Kurt Angle hates Jeff Hardy for having hair. Jeff Hardy hates Kurt Angle for being a cheater. That’s as simple as it can get.

- Joseph Parks is still walking the halls of the IMPACT Zone. How ’bout Joey Parks becomes IMPACT General Manager?

- Bobby Roode’s legal advisor was OVW wrestler and TNA prospect Shane Haste. Haste and his tag partner, Mikey Nicholls, worked the dark match on IMPACT. Google ‘em.

- James Storm’s Last Call superkick is illegal in six states and all of Canada. That is one deadly kick.

- With Bobby Roode’s legal advisor murdered by James Storm, he has no choice but to hire Joseph Parks or David Otunga.

- Why was Garett Bischoff so nearby when Angle was talking with the cameras? That was weird.

- Since Angle couldn’t beat Garett in a five-minute challenge, the next logical thing would be a three-minute challenge. Wait, what?

- Why’s Kurt Angle wasting his time with Garett Bischoff in the first place?

- Kurt Angle wasted a full minute just smiling at Garett. That’s one full minute of a possible “Garett Bischoff beatdown” we were cheated out of.

- OK, let’s have this talentless kid beat up on a former multi-time world champion and Olympic gold-medalist. Is Garett going into a world title match or feud? No. So why is he beating on Angle?

- Garett Bischoff’s finishing move looks like a version of The Stroke done by Jeff Jarrett. Are you sure Hogan was the one that trained Garett?

- Anarquia flat-out sucks. Give Hernandez a new tag partner, please. Maybe then he’ll have a believable shot at championship belts again.

- Repo man Josh Lewis took Anarquia’s car. Sarita and Rosita also ditched Hernandez and Anarquia for having no car and/or money. Hernandez and Anarquia may be done for! YES! The end of Mexican America!

- Where could Josh, Sarita and Rosita possibly be walking to in the middle of the night and in an empty parking lot?

- James Storm went 3-for-3 with Last Call superkicks tonight.

- Yes. After Hulk Hogan stole TNA from Dixie Carter and dragged it through a horrible year, let’s just hand TNA over to him this time. It’s easier and saves the paperwork.

- If Hogan becomes General Manager, expect to see guys like Jeff Hardy and Garett Bischoff as TNA world champions.

- I would rather see Hogan in his porn video than as IMPACT General Manager.

- IMPACT this week was pretty fun. Worst part was seeing Anarquia again. No one I hate more than that guy.

- And we should all expect Hogan to accept the job because he and his ego are hungry. The porn situation burnt out, so Hogan needs something to stay relevant.

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