Andruw Jones Thrown Out on His Fat Ass

Luigi TollisCorrespondent IJanuary 15, 2009

Well, we all knew this day would, or at least should, come. Andruw Jones was told to hit the bricks. Or, if you like Biff Tannon, make like a leaf (of course that would be one big f'ing leaf).

No response as of yet from the normally ubiquitous players union. Want to know why?


No, that's not how many pounds overweight he was when he showed up to camp.

No, its not the amount of dogs he choked down during the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest on Independence Day.

Although, it could be the Richter Scale if he attempted a diving catch in CF.

You know it's bad when Jason Varitek his for more avg and power than this once sure-fire HoF'er. I mean, Jones just fell off the earth. Here was a guy who you could count on to hit 20+ dingers. Between 1999 and 2008 Jones hit over 25 HR every year.

Funny side note, has his weight listed at 170 lbs. has it at 210. At any rate, we can all agree that neither number is right, and that buffet owners start filing the Chapter 11 paperwork when they see him around the corner.

But what happened? What makes a guy just lose it like Jones? He had all the talent in the world. I remember when he hit two dingers in a WS game against the Yanks like it was yesterday.

Maybe it could just be chalked up to the injuries he sustained last year. After all, he did have knee surgery early in the season. Prior to last year, you could bank on the fact that he would be patrolling center field for about 155 games.

Last year? 75 games.

That's $241,333.34 per game. Or, $68,952 and change per hour per game played (I used three and a half hours as an approximate time). I'm really bad at math, so I think I'll just divide 18.1 mil by the three home runs he hit to show is 'true' value.

So, what's left for Jones to do?

I hear Stephon Marbury has some free time, maybe they could get together, play some xBox, eat some bon-bons, and talk about how they both were once great players.

Now however, they're both great wastes of talent.