Luckily, we here at B/R have a pre-set group of rules for drinking during a UFC broadcast.
To keep things simple, we'll just create a "Drink __ times every time Joe Rogan says ___" format. Of course, there a few wild cards thrown in to keep things interesting.
Grab a drink, take a seat, plug in the closest UFC show you have on DVD and prepare for a long evening on "The Joe Rogan Drinking Experience."
During the opening segment of every UFC show, Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan exchange in a yelling contest about the night's matches.
This is pretty much a guarantee, and it's a great way to get the game started off.
Besides having a cold sip of your drink, it possibly makes the yelling seem even louder, depending on how hard you pre-gamed.
Like the other "one-drink" item, this one is pretty much a gimme. It's just to get you into the flow of drinking and to get started off on the right foot.
If you look closely, Joe Rogan is always wearing an Affliction button-up (or button-down). Generally, it's always black as well.
Pop the top and take a sip for Rogan and his black Affliction shirt.
Following an impressive victory by a relative unknown fighter, Joe Rogan likes to proclaim said fighter is for real.
Since this happens in a moment of happiness (an unknown fighter making it big), consider this a time to raise your glasses for a social drink.
If you're drinking by yourself, I guess a social drink really isn't for you so feel free to give "Ted" the stuffed bear a sip to comply with the rules.
It's no secret Joe Rogan is the biggest MMA fan on the planet. That's one of the reasons we love to hear him talk on a UFC event; he gives the fan's perspective on most events in the Octagon.
Of course, that also means Rogan has his favorite fighters and guys he loves to cheer for. It's clear in some of his announcing that he plays favorites during fights. Whether it's over-hyping a guy or completely ignoring the fact the other fighter is scoring more points than his guy, Rogan loves to back his fighters.
You have to take two drinks if Rogan is clearly backing one of his guys. This, of course, can be disputed, in which case the two parties can share the double drinks.
Joe Rogan loves to be an inside source on everyone's ground game. Even if a guy has had no real jiu-jitsu experience, they somehow have an underrated ground game.
This is the first instance of a "wild" thrown into the mix.
The drinks are doubled if he's talking about Forrest Griffin, as that's undoubtedly his favorite fighter to credit with an underrated ground game. Luckily, Griffin is almost to the end of his career so you don't have to worry about the double effect coming into play too much.
Perhaps just as guilty as Joe, Mike Goldberg tends to do this a lot as well. But the game is for Rogan, so the rules apply only to Rogan in the game.
Any time a fighter connects on a solid strike or gets a near submission, Rogan likes to call fights over well before the referee steps in.
This could work out in your favour, as the fights will only get better after your five drinks. And with most guys looking to clinch and hold on for dear life after a near knockout, the extra alcohol will make the following seconds not take as long.
This is the ultimate end-all.
If a fighter goes for rubber guard, be prepared for Joe Rogan to get carried away explaining what rubber guard is to the fans.
Rogan is in love with anything remotely related to Eddie Bravo, so be prepared for a "Bravo love-fest." Rogan also likes to go into great detail explaining the different avenues a fighter can take once applying rubber guard.
There's a wild factored into this drink as well. Shots should be on standby for whenever Rogan mentions a different position, such as mission control or chill dog, when a fighter uses rubber guard.
If you're still willing to drink following this, you're obviously a pro at this game. Which means it's time to get some noobs involved in "The Joe Rogan Drinking Experience."