Washington, D.C. Sports: I Live in Loserville

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Washington, D.C. Sports: I Live in Loserville
Larry French/Getty Images
This sign sums up a lot. Just one more win would suffice at FedEx Field

My name is Tom and here are the professional teams that I am an avid fan of: Washington Redskins, Washington Capitals, Washington Wizards and Washington Nationals.

Go ahead and laugh. I would love for the attention-seeking Dallas Cowboys fans to make fun of me. Hey Lakers fans, please point and laugh that the team I love hasn’t won a damn thing in 30 years. Supporters of the Pittsburgh Penguins, please have yourself a chuckle and make fun of my Capitals who can’t do anything in the playoffs (or anything at all this season). Yankees and Red Sox Nation, yes it’s true, there are some Nationals fans out there (formally the Montreal Expos). The Expos team that was so bad that they were owned by Major League Baseball and they had to play some of their home games in Puerto Rico. Does this sound fun to anyone? Let me assure that it is not.

So why do I do it? Why do I continue to put myself through agony rather than choose the easy route and root for the other teams that I mentioned above?

First of all, I’m loyal to my place of birth and I follow the teams that my father grew up watching, except for the Nationals of course (he was a Senators fan, so that’s close enough). In my years of a being a knowledgeable sports fan, it has become increasingly debilitating, depressing and downright maddening.

Frequently I tell myself to stop watching and spend my nights doing something else. Well, I can tell you right now that it is impossible. How about changing teams? The Ravens are close enough to my hometown, the newly-assembled Los Angeles Clippers look appetizing, but that’s not going to happen either.

I live in Loserville. Yes, I just made up my own place; however, it should be synonymous with Washington, D.C. and their terrible sports teams. Here a few of the amenities that are involved with Loserville: less-than-average fan experiences (excluding Caps games), overpaid and annoying “leaders”(DeAngelo Hall and Andray Blatche), lingering injuries and bad luck that defies the law of physics (Mike Green and LaRon Landry) and free agent busts that studio executives could probably make a movie out of (Jayson Werth and just about anyone signed by the Redskins, besides London Fletcher).

I am writing therapeutically to let you all know that I am not well. After 20 years of misery in virtually all four sports, I am closing in on my breaking point. I can’t help but be envious of opposing fan bases that get to have fun. That may seem strange to you, but fans like me can’t nonchalantly enjoy watching one of the teams in this area. I’m starting to find gray hair due to Rex Grossman. My vocal chords regress when I have to impolitely yell at JaVale McGee or Andray Blatche to stop dribbling. I have a pain-inducing fear of the playoffs because of the Capitals' continuous failures.

In conclusion, I can only hope and pray for a miracle. That one day, my city gets to experience the excitement of cheering on a championship-caliber organization. That one day, an athlete like John Wall, Bryce Harper, Roy Helu (too soon, I know) or Alex Ovechkin can become the face of their respective leagues.

My only wish is that I selfishly get to see it firsthand and as soon as possible because I’d rather have my sanity by the time I’m 25. As the year 2011 comes to an end, I will reflect on how this is rock bottom for Loserville and there’s nothing I can do about it. Please feel free to enter all expletives necessary.

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