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I decided to do some research on what NBA players, coaches, and teams will be trying to accomplish in the New Year. Here are the NBA’s 2009 resolutions. Dwight Howard: Learn a post move...

2009, the Year of Ricky Rubio: NBA New Year's Resolutions

by Brandon Gallawa [HUMOR]

2

500 reads

Humor

January 02, 2009


I decided to do some research on what NBA players, coaches, and teams will be trying to accomplish in the New Year. Here are the NBA’s 2009 resolutions.

 

 

Dwight Howard: Learn a post move. At some point it has to happen, right?

 

Kyle Lowry: Be seen in the same room as MA$E. Until this happens, I won’t be convinced they aren’t the same person.

 

Ricky Rubio: Roll the dice and declare for the draft. Sure he could end up in Minnesota, OKC, or Sacramento, but he also has a chance to land in a large market like Washington, L.A., or Golden State. As Zach’s favorite movie, Summer Catch, would say, “If you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks.”

 

Jose Calderon: Pull a Tanya Harding on Rubio so he can continue to be the best Spanish point guard in the league.

 

Joe Alexander: Bring unintentional comedy to a new level by taking part in the 2009 Dunk Contest.

 

Kevin Garnett: Be more intense.

 

Chauncey Billups: Move in with George Karl already. Karl may love Billups more than I love the Nintendo Wii.

 

Oklahoma City Thunder: Plan their parade through downtown OKC when they manage to get nine wins and Blake Griffin.

 

Joe Dumars: Hope that no one catches on that the Iverson deal was strictly a salary dump and that this season was a waste.

 

Mike Woodson: Pray that the Hawks keep flying under the radar this season so there won’t be a huge letdown when they’re bounced in the second round.

 

Lawrence Frank: Give half of his salary for this season to Devin Harris.

 

Jeff Green: Eat more. You’re a power forward and should weigh more than 150 pounds.

 

Jason Thompson: Challenge Peja Stojakovic for the “Who Can Keep His Mouth Agape More?” Contest.

 

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2 comments Last one added 6 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. David Cohen 6 months ago

    Rubio needs to stand pat until next year so the Knicks have a better shot at him, lmao. He's the next Steve Nash and would be cheaper then bringing in really old Nash in 2010.

    Alexander isn't great at dunking but he ain't no Chris Anderson.

    Larry Brown, lmao.

    And as a Knicks fan, Nate Robinson needs to go away from this contest. Seriously. What they need to do is get someone in the NBA to sign James White in time for him to enter.

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  2. David Elias 6 months ago

    great article! although i think andrea bargnani would win the "who can keep their mouth agape" contest hands down....lol

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