Dear Alex Rodriguez,
Given your busy schedule, I realize you may not spend as much time on the Internet as many of us, but you must be familiar with it, no? How about Wikipedia? See, Wikipedia is an online encyclopedia through which a Web surfer can look up almost anything, especially when it comes to celebrities.
It took me only about 10 seconds with this site to ascertain that you are an American citizen—natural born, to boot. So, why are you spitting in the face of your country and playing for the Dominican Republic in the World Baseball Classic?
Wikipedia can sometimes give less-than-valid information, so let me check some facts with you. You were born in in New York City in 1975. Although your family did move to the Dominican Republic, it was only for a few years. You spent the rest of your formative years in the Miami area, yes?
I certainly mean no disrespect to the nation that you plan to snub the U.S. in favor of. I've never been to the Dominican Republic, but I believe it to be a place with honest, hardworking folks who truly love baseball.
However, the same can certainly be said of these United States. Being that you have chosen the U.S. in which to play your professional ball and earn your gargantuan salary, it seems peculiar that you would thumb your nose at the U.S.A. on this very global stage.
I know that, with your wealth, you have ample opportunity to travel the world. I know you've been to Canada because you made the news that time you had your picture taken with that "professional" gal. Toronto is a wonderful city, so I'm told.
I have not had much chance to travel to world. To be honest, the ticket prices for Major League games are about the upper limit of my entertainment budget. I don't mind, though. I mean, someone has to pay your salary.
I was wondering also if I might be so bold as to ask for your advice on something. I have a nephew who idolizes you. He's confused about how to watch the World Baseball Classic this year. Should he be rooting for the United States, or for his No. 1 role model?
Some have suggested to me that your seemingly un-American choice to play for the D.R. is a slap in the face of sorts to the county that has helped make you the icon that you have become. I argue with them very aggressively. Really, I do.
It would assist me greatly in my efforts to lobby for your good name if you could explain your choice to me. Why is it that you've chosen to play for another team?
Thank you for your time, Mr. Rodriguez. Oh, and tell Madonna I said, "yo!"