The Funniest Rants in Sports History

Justin SparksCorrespondent IIIDecember 28, 2011

The Funniest Rants in Sports History

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    "We're talkin' 'bout practice?!"

    "I'm a man! I'm 40!"

    "You cannot be serious!"

    Those are just a few quotes from some of the funniest rants and tirades coaches and athletes have provided over the last few decades in sports.

    There have been plenty of coaches that have blown a gasket and numerous players who forgot their media training. However, we're not going to complain because it's downright hilarious to watch over and over and over again.

    Some of the following slides are unedited and contain profanity. Those are labeled "uncensored" in case you want to skip through to the next one.

    Now that the caution flag is up, let's get right to it.

Bob Knight Throwing Chairs

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    One of the more infamous moments in college basketball history took place in 1985 when Bob Knight lost his cool.

    Rather than calling the ref over to give him a peace of his mind, Knight decided to toss a chair his way.

Tony La Russa Confronts Reporter

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    Tony La Russa didn't take questions by one of the local St. Louis reporters too kindly and called the reporter out.

    After they exchanged contentious remarks, La Russa tried to end the press conference before leaving the reporter with some closing suggestions. Hopefully he didn't take them to heart.

Jim Mora: "Playoffs?!"

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    Jim Mora came to the press conference as hot as a hornet and provided one of the best sound bites in NFL history.

    That's the only introduction it needs.

    Enjoy this gem.

Rick Pitino's Message for Bostonians

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    Rick Pitino was clearly feeling the pressure coaching for one of the NBA's most heralded franchises. The Boston Celtics faithful were voicing their opinion of the coach, and said coach decided to voice his opinion about them right back.

    Pitino gave a direct memo to all of Boston about the way he felt about his team. He even seemed to add in a little Bostonian accent for the occasion, or maybe that was just his New York coming out.

Jim Calhoun: "You're Not Really That Stupid, Are You?"

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    A brave and mostly naive reporter asked Jim Calhoun about his salary provided by the state of Connecticut. Calhoun tried to push the question aside until the reporter made a stupid remark.

    This clip is quite entertaining. Calhoun tears the reporter apart.

Tommy Lasorda Unloads on TV Crew (Uncensored)

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    Tommy Lasorda apparently has a very short fuse. After waiting for a TV crew to get its equipment into place, Lasorda lost his patience and let them know what he thought of their lack of preparation.

    Warning: The video attached contains numerous "F-bombs."

Serena Williams: "I Truly Despise You"

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    Serena Williams returned a hit during the US Open and screamed "come on" before the ball reached her opponent.

    A serious lapse of judgment by Williams led to an entertaining back-and-forth with the official.

    Williams also reminded the judge that she "screwed her over last time." That wouldn't have exactly been my choice of words in an attempt to make peace.

    After all, it was the US Open. It's kind of a big deal in her sport.

Phillip Wellman Tosses a Grenade?

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    Welcome to the world wide web, Phillip Wellman.

    The coach's tirade has to go down as one of the most comical displays by anyone in managerial history.

    Wellman blew a gasket and took losing your cool to a new level.

    I mean seriously, halfway through it, he knew he would be ejected, right?

Mike Tyson: "I Want To Eat His Children"

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    Mike Tyson was asked a question but decided to talk about what he wanted to talk about.

    Upon being asked a second time, Tyson went on a rant about his friend, Allah and who knows what else.

    To be honest, there are parts I couldn't understand. Mike, enunciate. However, I did hear that he would eat Lennox Lewis' children. Classic.

Colin Cowherd: "Shoot Yourself"

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    Colin Cowherd is the only radio host for ESPN who takes callers on his national radio program.

    A caller asks why ESPN has an agenda against the Kansas City Royals and doesn't give them enough love.

    If that question wasn't stupid enough, the caller states they can't get acknowledgement for the record for Mexican-born pitchers with the most saves in a season. Cowherd cuts him off and tells him to shoot himself.

    I agree with Cowherd.

Hank Williams Jr. Compares Obama to Hitler

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    The now former voice of Monday Night Football gave an interview that had even Fox News pundits at a loss for words.

    Hank Williams' remarks got him swiftly kicked off Monday Night Football.

    Monday Night Football just won't be the same without that crazy Hank Williams Jr.

Tiger Woods: Frustration Overload (Uncensored)

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    Way back when Tiger Woods was winning championships for fun, Woods would yell out in frustration after a bad shot.

    You could say he went more sailor than saint during his outbursts.

    Tiger, a message from all your fans: Ignore the haters—show your emotion again on the course.

    Warning: The video attached contains several uncensored profanities.

Ozzie Guillen: "We Gotta Deal with S***"

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    Chicago lost one of its best sound-bite providers of all time when Ozzie Guillen left.

    Guillen goes off about how his team is not performing up to the South Side's standards.

    Ozzie, keep being you. We may not understand everything that comes out of your mouth, but we know it's funny.

Mike Singletary: "I Want Winners!"

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    Mike Singletary's legend grew exponentially after infamously dropping his pants to prove a point to his team. Unfortunately (or fortunately), my YouTube sources do not have video of that tirade.

    What we do have is Singletary explaining that he'd rather play with 10 players than 11.

    Yes, you read that correctly. He's "old school" and wants "winners."

    Us new-school folk apparently don't like winners.

Jim Everett: aka "Chris" Everett

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    Jim Rome tries to act tough in front of Jim Everett by purposely calling him "Chris" to rattle the man. Everett did what I wish I could do and flipped the table onto Rome.

    Literally.

John McEnroe: "You Cannot Be Serious!"

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    I seriously could make an entire slideshow on John McEnroe outbursts. In fact, I just might.

    McEnroe was famous for his on-court antics. The man from New York certainly knew how to represent his city's stereotype quite well.

Ryan Leaf: "Leave Me Alone!"

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    Ryan Leaf was one of the biggest busts in NFL history, and he doesn't like to hear about it.

John Chaney: "I'm Going To Kick Your @$$"

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    John Chaney explodes at a press conference with the then-babyfaced John Calipari.

    Chaney tries to fight off reporters holding him back and even goes as far as to threaten to have his players go after Calipari's.

    As a fan of Big 5 basketball and the Temple Owls, I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or applaud his Philly-esque tirade.

    I'm leaning towards the latter.

Allen Iverson: "Practice?!"

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    From one Philadelphia basketball legend to another—Allen Iverson loves when you ask him not about a game, but about practice.

    Definitely one of the undisputed best sound bites in sports history.

    Ever.

Mike Gundy: "I'm a Man! I'm 40!"

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    This is probably my favorite one of the bunch.

    It never ceases to make me laugh.

    Oklahoma State's coach loses it in front of reporters defending one of his players after the player was criticized in an article. He then goes off about the newspaper itself.

    Although Mike Gundy went off in support of his team and his player...it's still hilarious.

Herman Edwards: "You Play To Win the Game!"

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    I'm not sure if it was the pressure of New York or the stupidity of the question, but Herm Edwards did not like it.

    Edwards proceeds to explain that winning is why you play football in the first place.

    Get 'em Herm!

Deion Sanders Cools off Tim McCarver

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    During his time with the Atlanta Braves, Deion Sanders was the subject of criticism by reporter Tim McCarver. "Prime Time" did not exactly take criticism well.

    Deion decided he would remind McCarver who was the superstar athlete and whose locker room he's in.

    The video says Sanders acted like a jerk, but he was just cooling down the reporter in "Hotlanta."

Mike Ditka: "Talk to the Trainer"

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    Mike Ditka was not exactly in the greatest of moods, and according to him, we shouldn't care that he wasn't in a good mood.

    When asked about injuries, Ditka simply responded by saying, "Talk to the trainer."

    Short and brief. That's Coach Ditka for you.

Kellen Winslow Jr.: "I'm a Soldier"

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    Although you can gather what Kellen Winslow was trying to convey to the media, he didn't exactly choose his words correctly.

    The United States were fresh into two wars at the time, and Winslow referred to a football game as "war" and that he was a "soldier."

    Certainly not the most articulate thing to come from a player's mouth, but then again, he did go to "the U."

John Tortorella: "You Were Probably Beat Up at the Bus Stop"

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    For those of you who have not seen HBO's 24/7 Flyers/Rangers, I suggest watching it for this man alone. Okay, Peter Laviolette is entertaining as well, and so is renaissance man Ilya Bryzgalov.

    Dealing with the New York media is not what you would call a glamorous part of your job, no matter what profession.

    John Tortorella goes toe-to-toe with a reporter he's had a rocky history with during a postgame press conference.

    Tortorella refuses to answer the reporter from the get-go, but the reporter asks him questions anyway. Pretty entertaining back-and-forth.

Arizona Cardinals: "We Let 'Em off the Hook!"

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    Dennis Green's Arizona Cardinals blew a huge fourth-quarter lead, and he was pissed.

    His team knew that they were playing the Chicago Bears, yet they "let 'em off the hook."

    Green's time in Arizona didn't produce too much, but this sound bite is worth their time.

Hal McRae: "Put That in Your Pipe and Smoke It!"

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    Hal McRae rivals any other manager who has had a profanity-laced outburst—except the difference is McRae throw half of his desk during his rant.

    Kansas City reporters got a nice earful about their repeatedly mundane questions.

Lee Elia: "I Don't Know How To Make It Any Clearer to You" (Uncensored)

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    Lee Elia goes off.

    And when I say he goes off, he provides an illustration for the different uses of the "F" word.

    I can't tell if he was insulting reporters, the fans that actually went to games, the fans that didn't go to games or himself. Either way, the man needed to blow off some steam, and he had plenty of it.

    Warning: The video attached contains numerous "F-bombs."

Dan Hawkins: "It's Division I Football!"

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    Not many coaches like parents. That's just a fact, no matter what age.

    They're annoying, get too involved and all think their child is God's next gift to the game.

    Dan Hawkins agrees with me and did not let an anonymous letter from a parent go unnoticed.

    As they say, "If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen." Hawkins expressed that sentiment by telling his whiny player who had Mommy write a letter to Coach to "go play intramurals."

Will Ferrell: "I'm Talking to the Juice Box Guy"

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    Just for kicks, I had to throw this in.

    Will Ferrell—as a soccer coach loaded on caffeine—is not someone you want to argue with. Just get the man his juice box.

     

    Justin Sparks is a Featured Columnist for Bleacher Report @JustinSparks22