Carlos Zambrano and Alfonso Soriano are still on the team.
And Chicago's ace, Matt Garza, is rumored to a different club every few days, because apparently good pitching is a position of strength on the North Side (rolls eyes).
Carlos Peña and his team-leading 28 dingers are gone, along with his positive clubhouse presence, leaving fans to ask in all seriousness: Who's on first?
David DeJesus, the Cubs new right fielder, hit .240 with 10 home runs last season. Yep, new guy, same old results.
Pitching phenom Yu Darvish is going to the Texas Rangers, a World Series contender.
Meanwhile, Prince Fielder is nowhere in sight.
Wait, weren't the Cubs supposed to be legit contenders, too?
Somehow, Hoyer & Co. are going to spend in the neighborhood of $135 million this season. But it's (shockingly) unclear what that buys for the Wrigley Field faithful, as Chicago has been effectively dormant in free agency.
Not to criticize Team Epstein, but someone has to ask:
When are the Cubs going to get better?