We all know who the best smack talkers are in MMA. But who are the worst?
To me, bad smack talking is not someone who regurgitates boring cliches. Someone who tries can't fail, after all.
No, bad smack is someone who wants to be a witty verbal jouster, but it just doesn't quite work. It could be because the guy is simply too nice—in those cases, inclusion here is kind of a compliment. In others, there's a lack of creativity, a momentary lapse in judgment or a shortage of, uh, intellectual acuity to blame.
These are the top 10 (or bottom 10, I guess) guys. Some of them are on here for a career body of work, some for more isolated incidents. In any case, here's hoping someone gets them the gift of gab this holiday season.
Hughes does try to talk smack, but only because he's a good company man trying to hype a fight.
Most of the time, halfway through a speech about his latest opponent, he actually doesn't even seem to be paying much attention to himself.
Around the time of his superfight with Chuck Liddell, Silva said he wanted to "**** Chuck." And he didn't say "four asterisks" either.
There was rhyming involved. It wasn't so great.
"Where's your kid at?"
That was his oft-repeated refrain toward an Ultimate Fighter castmate who was having child custody issues. Not only a little below-the-belt, but also not particularly inventive. He only succeeded in alienating himself from his fellow house occupants and a good portion of the TUF audience.
He won the season, though, so it wasn't exactly catastrophic.
I love me some GSP, but let me put it this way: I am not impressed with his smack-talking performances.
"Hi, guys! It's me, Urijah! So yeah, just wanted to touch base with you guys about Dominick Cruz. I don't wanna be like a jerk or anything, but I find him to be, like, a not-too-friendly guy, right? And I think I would like to defeat him for the following reasons..."
One of the UFC's favorite Octagon girls recently dove into the deep waters of verbal provocation with one Chael Sonnen, who had the audacity to question her brain power.
Her tweeted response:
"Hey what's ur name.. after @spideranderson kicks your [expletive]..u won't even be able to count to 5!! Get ready to kiss brazils [expletive]!"
So take that, Chael, you stupid head! Sonnen of course fired back with another tweet of his own:
"Seems easy to wear a bikini and seems easy to walk in a circle, but try walking in a circle while wearing a bikini. Talented girl."
Things have been a little quiet since then. And that's well-advised, because when you mess with the bull, you're bound to get the horns. And no one wants to see you get hurt, Arianny.
Evans will face Phil Davis next month at UFC on Fox 2. In a recent interview, Evans said of Davis, a Penn State grad, that he would "put those hands on you worse than that other dude did at Penn State."
A lot of Evans' smack has been pretty good over the years. But this particular one? Ehh, not a real strong example.
He tries. Gosh bless him, he does. Like when he told "Cain Velaskwez" to go eat a burrito. Or when, after defeating Heath "The Texas Crazy Horse" Herring, he said he "fell off the horse against Frank Mir," but just "rode the house out of town."
Or, in the buildup to Mir-Lesnar II, when he stopped in mid-sentence (more than once, I think) to go smash things.
And I'm not even going to say anything about his UFC 100 Bud Light and marital duties meltdown.
While coaching opposite St-Pierre on The Ultimate Fighter, how many times did he walk up to GSP to start talking smack, only to have GSP and his team smile vaguely and sloooowly walk away? He was like the guy at the party that no one wanted to talk to.
And the fact that GSP broke his face in their meeting kind of undermines Koscheck's contention that he was in St-Pierre's head.
He'll say whatever he feels is necessary to get under others' skin, but for whatever reason, he's a little too easy to ignore. He also has a crucial weakness for a smack talker: He has trouble swallowing his own medicine. Remember the "male nurse" from TUF who got in Kos' head just a little too easily?
Bottom line: Hurling verbal dung piles at anything that moves is not good smack talk. It's trolling. Put it this way: Koscheck is an excellent troll.
Technically, he's still in MMA, so technically I still get to use him.
In the most infamous example of trash talk fail, Shamrock told then-rival Tito Ortiz that he was going to "beat [him] into the living death." Ortiz broke into peals of stage laughter, followed by Shamrock having one of his signature freak-outs.
To this day, it remains the gold standard of bad MMA trash talk.