The Most Important News Ever (My Wife Tells Me): Tom Brady Is Engaged!!!

Stop whatever you’re doing. Stop it right now.

This is the most important sports news story of the weekend. Maybe of the year. I’m thinking of writing my “Best of 2008” article on this event.

This single event will change the lives of millions. It’s so important, the Boston Globe had it as a Breaking News on its web site. The Boston Herald had one of those screaming headlines.

You’re sitting down, right?

OK, here it goes.

Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen are ENGAGED!

That’s right ladies (and lady-like gentlemen), Tom Brady is officially off the market. I know this because, aside from the screaming headlines in Boston, TMZ confirmed it.

And TMZ is always right, I’m told.

They even have a picture of a hand that may or may not belong to Giselle with a diamond ring on it. I mean, why would they have that picture if it weren’t true?!?!

I tried to contact Tom Brady to see if this were indeed true, but whoever I kept calling asked me nicely to stop calling him. Being a gentleman, I stopped immediately when the police showed up and told me to.

This is Earth shattering.

How will Tom Brady react? How will this affect his play? Remember when he was dating that chick from American Pie and it nearly ruined his career in 2002?  

Tom Brady and Giselle Bundchen are engaged. I can hardly believe it.

US Magazine and the Boston Globe report that Tom Brady is, in fact, NOT engaged.

Oh crap. Never mind. Forget this article ever happened.

Sean Crowe covers the Patriots-Examiner">New England Patriots for Examiner.com and writes a bi-weekly column for Sports-Central.org.

He is a Senior Writer and an NFL Community Leader at Bleacher Report. You can email him at [e-mail]. His archive can be found here.