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After constructing a new $1.3 billion stadium and doling out another $423 million to three players, the New York Yankees have agreed to purchase the Ford Motor Co...

New York Yankees Bail Out Ford Motor Co. [Satire]

by Tim Parent [HUMOR]

41

11,772 reads

Humor

December 26, 2008


After constructing a new $1.3 billion stadium and doling out another $423 million to three players, the New York Yankees have agreed to purchase the Ford Motor Co.

The financial terms of the deal have yet to be released, but insiders estimate the sale was priced at upwards of $9 billion. 

In a statement released to the press, Yankees president Randy Levine confirmed the Bronx Bombers had purchased the ailing American carmaker, noting the shared history of these two organizations was key to the final sale.

"The New York Yankees were first established in 1901 and started playing ball in New York in 1903, the same year the Ford Motor Co. was born," said Levine.

"In the last 105 years, both the Yankees and Ford have become integral parts of the American experience and culture. We just managed our money a little better."

News of the sale came as a shock to Chrysler and GM, both automakers having to rely on a government handout in order to stay competitive in a tough automotive division.  In recent years, the heavy hitters in the auto industry have been based in Japan.

"Had we known the Yankees were considering a foray into the automotive industry, we would have flown our private jets to New York instead of Washington," responded CEOs Robert Nardell and Richard Wagoner of Chrysler and GM, respectively.

A few short weeks ago, Ford was part of the Big Three contingent to beg for money from Congress or risk going under, putting tens of thousands of people out of work and throwing American institutions into the dumpster.

In mid-December, however, Ford backed out of the proposed bailout package, preventing government fingers from paging through the company's financial records and business plans. 

Ford had still wanted a $9 billion line of credit from the feds, as well as an additional $5 billion from the Energy Department program. It's unknown if Ford has since pulled the plug on that proposition based on what the Yankees may have offered instead.

The Yankees have been playing fast and loose with the budget. It has all but completed construction on its new Yankee Stadium at a cost of $1.3 billion.

Since the beginning of December, the Yankees have secured the rights to heavyweight pitcher CC Sabathia for $161 million, pitcher A.J. Burnett for $82 million, and slugger Mark Teixeira for $180 million. The Yankees have committed more money to those three players than the other 29 teams have all offseason. 

The Ford Motor Co. has been down on its luck for some time now, losing American drivers to Japanese carmakers Toyota and Honda. Ford also has an unfortunate number of acronyms associated with the brand, such as First Out Race Day, Found On Road Dead, and Fixed Or Repaired Daily. 

The New York Yankees, by contrast, are the most celebrated and successful team in baseball despite being dubbed the "Evil Empire" by its critics, notably Boston Red Sox fans.

The statement by Levine did not address the negative associations with the Ford brand, instead focusing on the positives. 

"Ford has a wonderful history of great cars, from the Mustang to the Focus. We welcome such names alongside the likes of Ruth, Gehrig, and DiMaggio."

To celebrate the deal, Ford plans to release a 2009 Mustang "Pinstripe Edition," a white, two-door coupe with Yankee pinstripes that will retail for close to $250,000. The hefty price tag is to help the Yankees cover operating costs for what promises to be an expensive year in the Bronx.

The deal with Ford also means players, front office staff, and anyone else associated with the team will have to get rid of their Cadillac Escalades and other luxury vehicles not manufactured by Ford.

Following the announcement, rumors began to circulate out of Detroit that GM and Chrysler are reconsidering the government's $17.4 billion offer and are speaking to other teams about possible associations.

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41 comments Last one added 4 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. Robert Phelan 6 months ago

    "Had we known the Yankees were considering a foray into the automotive industry, we would have flown our private jets to New York instead of Washington," responded CEOs Robert Nardell and Richard Wagoner of Chrysler and GM respectively I hope Washington takes back the money and these two morons fold up with the companies.

    Someone needs to kick the crap out of both these idiots, Once I sell my Chevy Truck I will never buy another one until the CEO is sent packing

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  2. Will Shepherd 6 months ago

    Hmm.. Yankees, a corporation that has spent billions of dollars since their last successful year and Ford, which is pretty much in the same boat.

    Sounds like a marriage made in heaven!

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    • Tim Parent 6 months ago

      Which was what I was trying to go for with this. Just a little levity during this time of uncertainty. Heck, the Yankees are buying up all the free agents, why not Ford?

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  3. P H 6 months ago

    I think that it's great that one established American institution, the NYY, is taking steps to preserve another great American institution, Ford Motors. While our out-dated government hem-haws around and gets lost in its own paperwork, rules, and self-importance, he Yankees are making decisions and moving on their decision to make it work. I'm not a Yankee fan, but I applaud them for demonstrating and utilizing what was once the American way of taking care of business: identify your company's needs and weaknesses while also identyfying strengths. Then determine goals, both immdeiate and long-term, according to your company's strengths, weaknesses, cash-availability, and how they can interact/effetc/ be utilized by social trends from various media, popular culture and among other various purchasing groups (as defined by age, culture/nationality, fears, needs, and wants). After identitying posible opportunities/business actions, you consider its feasability, loaction, market strategy, and then make your final decision. Finally, you take action.

    The Yankees organization has certainly been moved up a notch or two in my opinion because of their forward-thinking business attitude towards getting things done. It is a rare quality in American businesses and individuals these days in a world in which almost everyone everywhere seems more intent with self-promotion, and not only self-promotion, but self-promotion based solely on boasting words based on nothing except the words themselves, words that rhyme and are set to music, but have no substance or merit. This is a wave that America has been riding for a while, but, like every wave, there comes a crashing end.

    So congrats to the Yankees. You may not become my favorite team, but the name "Yankee" will have a positive connotation for me now instead of a negative one.

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    • J.C. Hagan 6 months ago

      Did you miss that it was a made-up humor column?

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    • Tim Parent 6 months ago

      Yes, this was just satire. The Yankees did not buy Ford. That doesn't mean they COULDN'T buy Ford but they haven't yet.

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    • L.J. Burgess 6 months ago

      I'm thinking...hoping...that P's comment is satire also...

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    • PETER R 6 months ago

      YES , a monument of the model t ford will be put in the new monument park . NOW YOU can buy a Ford from the concession stands. I cant wait to get the free yankee jersey when i sign up for zero percent financing. the yankees are also rumoured to be buying a commercial bank to get some tarp money to buy the mets and madoff securities. Little pink houses and you and me.

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  4. Barney 6 months ago

    haha I agree with Will!

    Greatest Sporting Moments of 2008:

    http://bleacherreport.com/articles/95997-a-year-in-review-the-greatest-sporting-moments-of-2008

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  5. Rey Robles 6 months ago

    I guess since I'm an auto worker this joke fell kind of flat for me. I wonder how long it will be before the economic problems in the "real " world will start to impact sports and entertainment. If large numbers of workers are unemployed or forced to take pay cuts How long before the stadiums start seeing more empty seats? How long before we start seeing the small market clubs lose money? I guess it won't be so funny when it starts to intrude on the fantasy world of professional sports. The very people you are mocking are the ones who used to be able to buy tickets and their jobs allowed the tax revenues to pay for these expensive stadiums. I don't appreciate the lame attempt at glib humor when many of us face the real prospect of losing our jobs- it will only be a matter of time before baseball has another work stoppage and some of the same issues that have caused problems for the auto companies will be faced by ball clubs. by the way Tim what do you do for a living? just curious.

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    • Earl Collier 4 months ago

      You missed the whole point of this article, probably because you are frustrated and no wonder. Things are pretty bleak right now and it's never fun to lose your job. This article was intended to make the very point you are espousing though. That's why it is titled "a satire". This is a story about the absurdity of over zealous splurging and spending by the New York Yankees, Ford, GM and etc. etc. Sports teams, like most other big corporations often act as though there is no end to the money they are amassing, but you're right, it is only a matter of time before there attendance takes a hit and they start losing revenue. The whole point of this story is that stupid decisions are made by management, both by Ford and the New York Yankees alike.
      I am sympathize with you and your family. I hope the economy takes a turn for the better. Cheers.

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  6. JIMN HNNN 6 months ago

    IS THIS A JOKE
    I JUST BOUGHT FORD STOCK ON THIS INFO ALONE.
    HAVE I BEEN HAD

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  7. L.J. Burgess 6 months ago

    This move is a HUGE conflict of interest issue on Ford's part.

    It wasn't that long ago the the Boston Red Sox purchased 49% of Roush Racing in NASCAR...the standard bearer for Ford race teams in North America.

    Does this 'double dipping' on Ford's part imply Texeira's deal was really a foregone conclusion? Were we taken for a 45 day ride on this? Was there influence peddled?

    This smacks of conspiracy on the Daly Plaza level if you ask me...

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  8. JIM CARDOZA 6 months ago

    YOU BURNED ME ON THIS STORY.
    GOOGLE FINANCE.COM IS MY REAL TRADE SOURCE AND I READ THE STORIES AND HOW THEY AFFECT MY STOCKS WHAT RECOURSE DO I HAVE LEGALLY?

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    • L.J. Burgess 6 months ago

      I SEE THAT YOU USE ONLY CAPS TO 'CONVERSE' IN...15 YEAR OLDS HAVE NO LEGAL RECOURSE IN STOCK MARKET GAMBLES...YOUR PARENTS SHOULD HAVE BLOCKED E-TRADE.COM ON YOUR PC.

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  9. Eugene Lopez 6 months ago

    do you actually believe this story?

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  10. Tim Parent 6 months ago

    Edited the headline just to clear up any confusion. As I stated earlier, it's SATIRE!

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  11. Ed Duffy 6 months ago

    It really is amazing how many idiots there are out there. A good attempt at satire Tim. If Google finance picked it up I think anyone that takes google finance seriously should re-evaluate!

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  12. Saraswathi Siriginia 6 months ago

    bravo! bravo! wonder what the programmers of google finance will have to do to fix their algorithms...

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  13. a b 6 months ago

    This is comical.

    No, not the article. The fact that Google Finance thinks this article is newsworthy.

    Google finance is great "on paper". But, the number of erroneous news feeds under each stock is so ridiculous its comical.

    Check out Google Finance news feeds under Frontline, one of the premier shippers. The articles posted for Frontline include everything but what pertains to the stock.

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  14. jim siuda 6 months ago

    When so many jobs and people livelihoods are at stake, and so many retirees that not fimiliar with the internet (misgivings) or satire, I found this article less than funny. It disrupted a lot of people's lives. Shame on you!

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  15. Not Steve Definitely not Forbes 6 months ago

    How funny. You can thank Google for my readership as well. I was wondering why I hadn't heard anything about the big Yankee/Ford deal before this article.

    That is so funny that the guy above who followed the link here just automatically believes everything he reads. If he is indeed a "grownup", he should remember the Gipper's words "Trust, but verify".

    Nice going boob. I hope you told everyone at the water cooler about the big Yankee acquisition. Hahahaha. Make sure that you never read the Onion Jim - it will blow your mind.

    Maybe there is a lesson here. ; )

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  1. matt shaffer 6 months ago

    i have a friend within the yankee organization and he said ford and the yanks have been talking

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  2. Lola Judd 6 months ago

    Who said Panoz Automotive Development is being bailed out? Anyone driven a new Cadillac CTS?

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  3. Arthur Nicholas 6 months ago

    Hey folks. Ford at $2.15 per share is a great deal. The Yankees are also a great deal. Neither team is going out of business. Now is the time to behave like a Real "Yankee" Doodle Dandy and support Your home teams. This spring Ford will feature a Grand Slam Hitter with the new hybrid Fusion. This "Bambino" will easily hit 44 miles per gallon and will beat Toyotas' Tokyo Rose Camry hands down. So go get one and hit one for the "HOME TEAM". In the mean time by "F" at $2.15 a share. Opportunities like this only come once in a lifetime. Do any of you out there really think that Ford will go out of business or that the Yankees will EVER be losers? If you do then NUTS...

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  4. Andrew Mason 6 months ago

    Hahaha great satire! You know what does baffle me about the Yankees? they spend over 400 million on 3 free agents but they claim they need the taxpayers to help pay for their stadium and they will use about 450 million of taxpayer money to build it. And also JIM baffles me if he actually believed this story cuz it was on Google fiance.

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  5. Dylan Sharek 6 months ago

    Too funny that people thought this was real.

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  6. Earl Collier 4 months ago

    Hahaha it wasn't lost on me Tim. I thought this article was hilarious!!

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  7. Earl Collier 4 months ago

    I can't believe people actually bought this story for the truth, I don't know what's more absurd. The story or the fact that people were actually dumb enough to take it seriously lol. Good read Tim.

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