WWE's 10 Most Ridiculous Names Given to Developmental Wrestlers in FCW
The WWE loves to give its superstars new ring names, and it does so primarily for one reason: Money.
Copyrighting or trademarking a ring name gives the WWE full rights to it and prevents that superstar from using the name if he or she bolts the company. In turn, the WWE can still profit off that name once that star is gone.
While I'm a fan of some of the names that WWE officials have come up with (such as Kharma or Brodus Clay) there are plenty of names that make me wonder what the hell these guys were thinking.
They're either too gimmicky, don't make much sense or just sound stupid.
Today, we're going to take a look at some wrestlers from the WWE's current developmental territory, Florida Championship Wrestling, and those dumb ring names they were given.
Here are the 10 most ridiculous names the WWE has given to its stars in FCW.
10. Skip Sheffield
I wouldn't want tell Skip Sheffield this if I met him in a dark alley, but his ring name is even dumber than he sounds in this promo.
As if Sheffield's "Cornfed Meathead" gimmick wasn't bad enough, the WWE gave him this over-the-top comedy character and that awful Skip Sheffield ring name.
Skip isn't a name, it's something you do when you don't know the answer on a test or when you're playing hopscotch. Chef or "Shef" is a professional cook, and a field is something you play sports on.
Well, I guess perhaps someone in the WWE is just a really big MLB fan and a huge supporter of all-time great Gary Sheffield.
Either that, or WWE officials just wrote a bunch of random first and last names on slips of papers, put them into a bowl, grabbed two and decided that whichever ones they grabbed would make up Sheffield's ring name.
9. Michael McGillicutty
Joe Hennig is the son of Curt "Mr. Perfect" Hennig, but his Michael McGillicutty ring name sounds like a cartoon character.
I get that McGillicutty is his mother's maiden name and a shoutout to her, but perhaps it would have worked better if the name wasn't so long and it didn't sound so comical.
Seriously, that name sounds like someone saw the last name McGill and said, "Hey, let's add 'icutty' to it to make it sound funny."
I think the McGillicutty ring name has ruined Hennig's chances of ever having a successful WWE career because no one can take a guy seriously if you can't help but laugh at his ring name.
And that's what I do every time I hear "Michael McGillicutty," especially if it's accompanied with him attempting to cut a promo.
8. Lift Sawyer
You probably don't remember this guy very well because he wasn't signed with the WWE for very long and was released by the company last year.
But I doubt you'll ever be able to forget the awful ring name he was given in FCW: Lift Sawyer.
I get that the guy is pretty chiseled and thus he probably "lifts" a lot of weight, but naming him Lift Sawyer just because he's cut up is like naming Mark Henry "Eat" because he's obviously a bit on the hefty side.
No one is going to ever think this Sawyer guy was named after a verb, unless maybe he was conceived in an elevator in the Commonwealth.
7. Yoshi Tatsu
I'm not very familiar with Japanese culture, so maybe the name Yoshi is as popular there as the name John is here in America.
But when you think Yoshi, you can't help but think of Super Mario.
If you don't believe me, check out the results when I typed "Yoshi" into Google, and you'll see that the most common thing that came up was a picture of Mario's little green dinosaur friend.
Now, every time I see Yoshi Tatsu make his way to the ring with that hilarious entrance music of his, all I can think of is that little Italian plumber riding his dinosaur buddy as he heads to battle Bowser.
It can't just be me, huh?
6. Dr. Cable Jones
"Dr. Cable Jones, Chiropractor...with a specialty in pain."
Yeah, that was actually this guy's gimmick, which might have been the worst medical character since Kane was known as Isaac Yankem, D.D.S.
A little known fact about Dr. Cable Jones, a.k.a. Lamar Porter: He was signed by the WWE in March 2010 and released in November of that year.
Hmm, I wonder if his short tenure there had anything to do with the fact that he was both labeled as a doctor and named after a type of television service.
Who am I kidding? Of course, it did.
5. Abraham Washington
Good Lord, the WWE must really hate Brian Jossie.
Well, you know him as Abraham Washington, which is obviously a play on presidents Abraham Lincoln and George Washington, though I find that weird considering he never really came across as very president-like when on the ECW brand.
I normally wouldn't complain if someone in the WWE had some sort of obsession with the office of the United States Presidency because we all need to learn about our history. But the WWE took things a little too far with Washington when he was down in FCW.
At one point or another, he was actually known as both Abraham Saddam Washington and Abraham Obama Washington.
Glorifying Saddam? Not exactly a smart move, WWE.
Plus, naming a male wrestler Abraham Obama Washington would be like naming a Diva Hillary Pelosi Palin. Oh boy, I hope I didn't just give the WWE an idea.
4. Eli Cottonwood
Abraham Washington and Eli Cottonwood? Someone in the WWE is definitely a history buff.
For those of you who can't quite remember what you learned in your fifth-grade history class, Eli Whitney was an American inventor whose biggest claim to fame is the cotton gin.
There's zero percent chance that it's just a coincidence that a WWE official just randomly came up with the name Eli Cottonwood.
Chances are that a WWE employee's kid was studying for a history test, he saw her history book, liked the name Eli Whitney, was a big fan of cotton t-shirts and then decided that the name Eli Cottonwood should be given to the worst performer in the history of NXT.
3. Sweet Papi Sanchez
OK, the only thing more ridiculous than this guy's gimmick of passing out candy to the crowd is his ring name, Sweet Papi Sanchez.
I assume that the Sweet refers to the candy part (how cute, huh?) but I don't get why he's referred to as "Papi" (the Spanish word for father) or why the WWE chose a stereotypical last name like Sanchez for him.
So, he's a Spanish father who passes out candy to little kids?
Does he do that even when it isn't Halloween?
2. Lucky Cannon
In my 23 years on Earth, I've come across a lot of beings named Lucky.
But not a single one of them was a human being. Yeah, they were all dogs.
That's right, Lucky Cannon's first name was derived from the most popular name for a dog on the planet, and his last name is a type of weaponry.
I mean, the former NXT contestant was about as exciting as a pack of raisins to begin with, but to top off his complete lack of personality, the WWE gave him one of the worst ring names I've ever seen.
The only thing lucky about this guy was that he somehow managed to work his way onto WWE TV when Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose are still stuck in FCW.
1. Penny Cash
Geez, WWE. How freaking clever.
Penny is a type of coin, and cash is another word for money, right? So, Penny Cash's name must have been a play on US currency?
I hate to burst the WWE's bubble, but Penny Cash sounds a lot more like a porn star's name than it does a ring name, especially when you consider that her gimmick (or lack thereof) had absolutely nothing to do with money.
She was basically just Penny Cash just because she was Penny Cash, and though she may have looked pretty damn good, her ring name wasn't.