The Biggest Pukers in Sports
puke (v.)—1600, probably of imitative origin (cf. Ger. spucken "to spit," L. spuere); first recorded in the "Seven Ages of Man" speech in Shakespeare's As You Like It.
In competitive sports, athletes take their bodies to unnatural levels of stress and exertion. At times, they take savage hits.
And sometimes, well, the previous night's salmon mousse just may not agree with them on game day. So the body revolts.
The act has many names: puke, vomit, barf, ralph, disgorge, hurl, ruminate, spew, blow chunks, blow foam, purge, retch, upchuck, yuke, earl, un-eat, clean house, decorate pavement, plant beets.
When it strikes, some men cower, cover up, hold it in. They see it as an act of weakness, of shame. A loss of self-control.
These men are wrong—while puking may be unpleasant, it is noble. It is a war cry, a battle song, a barbaric yawp.
Click on, friend—if you can handle it—and witness the mightiest pukers in sportsdom.
Analysis: Savard looks concerned, so he knows it's coming, and yet he still lets it all go right there in his lap. Poor technique. The beige-pink coloring is a little cliched, too.
Puke Score: 3.1
Analysis: We admire competitors when they go to any length for a win. But there are exceptions. Eating your own puke is one of those exceptions.
Puke Score: 3.5 (7 for explosiveness, 0 for tact)
Analysis: This guy has plumbing problems at both ends of the pipe. The barfing is rather unimpressive except for the fact that it is done atop an inexplicably forgiving rescuer.
Puke Score: 3.6
Causes: A deep-fried avocado
Analysis: Good reflexes with the garbage bin. Fairly well composed and gentleman-like throughout. But just not a lot of regurgitative excitement going on here.
Puke Score: 4.3
Analysis: Some nice gag seizures with just a bit of spew (obscured behind the fence). Intriguing, yet ultimately somewhat anticlimactic. For fast reference skip to 4:45 on the video time code.
Puke Score: 5.0
Analysis: Perhaps it is the soundtrack that influences, but still this episode has a festiveness to it, don't you think? The cascading emissions are reminiscent of streamers or tinsel tickled by the wind.
Puke Score: 5.5
Cause: An epic wallop (shown in a slo-mo replay at time code reading 1:25)
Analysis: Multiple spews. Mostly liquid. Quick recovery. Tact points lost for licking up the chin dribble (at time code reading 1:38).
Puke Score: 5.9
Cause: Being on the receiving end of a butt-whooping.
Analysis: A single rapid shot with significant splattering (see the fan in the background catch some vomitous shrapnel and then flee).
Puke Score: 6.5
Cause: Carbon monoxide poisoning
Analysis: Sure, you can't see the actual act, but the announcers paint a grim picture.
And as far as I'm concerned, anyone who stays in the game with a helmet full of puke gets bonus points.
Puke Score: 6.7
Analysis: Very nice buildup and climax here. Looks to be just some leaky, slightly chunkified spittle at first. A couple acrid hiccups later and the flood gates open.
Puke Score: 6.9
Analysis: Machine gun gagging with little to no actual production. Posture is admirable, though. Double over with hands on knees, then arms dangle freely in a sort of puke follow-through. Finishes back with the hands on the knees.
Puke Score: 7.2
Cause: Heat exhaustion
Analysis: Very graceful with the tipping of his helmet. The predominately liquid stream comes out in 3-4 jets. Finishes off with some swagger. Points for no post-act mouth wiping.
Puke Score: 7.3
Cause: Food Poisoning
Analysis: Listen to the poor guy gag and spray. What a warrior!
Puke Score: 7.4
Cause: Compressive Stress
Analysis: Geyser-like projection. Note the unique "milk" mustache as he rises up post-emesis. He loses major grace points, however, for collapsing into his expulsion.
Puke Score: 7.8
Analysis: I like the way Mutai handles this. No shame, no covering up. And he projects in a tidy stream—though the second round did seem to catch him by surprise and cause a bit more splattering. Still, strong work, Mutai.
Puke Score: 7.9
Analysis: Staged? If so, you have to give Booker props for the nice aim. Either way, some top-notch sprayage here.
Puke Score: 8.5
Cause: A hug at the wrong time
Analysis: Who says chivalry is dead? Shoemaker could have sent that pink wave coursing down his gal's back. Instead he decorates the pavement with it. Bravo!
Puke Score: 8.8
Cause: Internal Bleeding?
Analysis: An unholy crimson spew. Major projection. Large volume. Shouldn't someone be calling an ambulance?
Puke Score: 9.2
Analysis: Excellent arc. Decent projection. She looks almost like one of those Gothic gargoyle fountains, doesn't she? No remorse for letting loose all over the onlookers. Well done.
Puke Score: 9.6
Honorable Mention: Bill Russell
With 1,128 recorded pregame puking episodes, Bill Russell has to be the greatest athlete puker of all time.
Alas, with no footage I am unable to rank him.