MLB Free Agents: The Remaining "Christmas Presents"

Alex Giobbi@@alexgiobbiAnalyst IDecember 1, 2011

MLB Free Agents: The Remaining "Christmas Presents"

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    This past week has been crazy for the majority of holiday shoppers. Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, it has been crazier than an Occupy rally. 

    With the MLB winter meetings coming up, I thought it would be interesting to compare the remaining Type-A free agents to must-have Christmas items. Without further adieu...

9. Takashi Saito: Nintendo Wii First Generation

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    Takashi Saito is like a Wii because he's a Japanese pitcher, and he has been around for a while. Like a Wii, he's good in short doses, obviously because he is a reliever. However, it is likely that, like the original Wii, his popularity will take a hit when Yu Darvish, (the new Wii) pitches in the majors. 

8. Jimmy Rollins: PC with Windows 7

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    Jimmy Rollins reminds me of a PC because while he has "a near photographic memory" of the game, he is getting old. PC's are pretty much on the way out, cloud or no cloud, and with Apple developing their own cloud, we can assume that only the most faithful PC buyers will want one. 

    Rollins was once the best shortstop of his generation, but injuries after his MVP season of 2007 have pretty much discounted him to the second best shortstop in the free agent pool. 

7. Carlos Beltran: Blackberry

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    Blackberry phones used to be the hot thing, much like Beltran was back in '04 after his monster postseason performance. Now they play second fiddle to the iPhone and Droid phones. This isn't to say that Beltran is over the hill, rather he was once a hot commodity, now he's a lower type of Type-A free agents. 

    Some team will want him though, that's for certain. 

6. David Ortiz: Dyson Vacuum Cleaner

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    David Ortiz is a designated hitter who last played for the Red Sox. Throughout the year, he struggles with batting average while still hitting home runs at an alarming rate. He's almost always an all-star though.

    Similarly, a vacuum cleaner's one job is to suck up dirt and clean up, which was Ortiz's position until free agency hit last year.  

    Therefore, Ortiz is like a vacuum cleaner. He sucks, but he does his job well. 

5. Brandon Phillips: Nike Clothing and Performance Gear

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    Brandon Phillips is a great baseball player, but he often needs an attitude check. He's a fine hitter, and a great defender, but sometimes his mouth overshadows his ability. 

    Similarly, Nike makes great equipment and nice clothing, but sometimes it's too flashy and detracts from a team's performance (Oregon Ducks jerseys, hint, hint,) 

    It wouldn't surprise me if Phillips wore Nike stuff.

4. CJ Wilson: Kinect for Xbox 360

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    Wilson is the top free agent pitcher this winter. He's a good starter, and has proven himself in the postseason. Wilson also is a United States native, similar to his Christmas present comparison.

    The Kinect was the brainchild of Microsoft, as a competitor to the Wii. Some think of it as the adult version of the Wii, although that doesn't mean children can't play it. The Kinect requires movement, but no controller, therefore it gives the user more of a workout than a Wii. 

    Because Wilson is a starting pitcher, he does more work than the other top pitcher on this list, Saito. 

    Therefore, CJ Wilson is like a Kinect.

3. Jose Reyes: Beats by Dre Solo Headphones

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    Jose Reyes is a talented and entertaining, as well as loud, player. He's a sleek fielder, fast runner, and good hitter, not counting his final at-bat in New York. His antics are enjoyed by some, while loathed by others. Plus, he gets hurt a lot, and his price tag is going to be high. 

    Similarly, Beats by Dre Solos are good headphones. They deliver good sound, and are popular. However, like Reyes, they are expensive, and they do break a lot.

    Special thanks to my friend Nick for explaining Beats by Dre headphones.

2. Prince Fielder: Any Giant Flat Screen TV

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    Prince Fielder is a big man with a lot of power. He hits well, and is a perennial all star. Fielder is a quality performer, and is certainly drawing plenty of interest from teams.

    Flat screen TV's are the hottest things to buy every winter. They deliver quality picture and sound, and almost all come in high definition. They also come with internet and a variety of other programs. 

    Among the more popular TV's are the 50+ inch ones. I know this for a fact because my parents just recently bought a Sony 50 inch flat screen that unfortunately I am unable to enjoy until I get home from college. So I can say that my parents bought a Prince Fielder gift. 

    Did I forget to mention Fielder is huge?

1. Albert Pujols: IPhone 4S

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    Albert Pujols is the most sought after free agent this winter. He is a slugger, a nine-time All Star, a cabinet full of trophies, including three NL MVP awards, and is possibly the best player of this generation. Basically, what can't this guy do?

    Similarly, the iPhone 4S is the most sought after piece of technology in the world. It is compatible in two cellular networks, can run thousands of apps, has internet connectivity, and, the best part, nobody ever gets tired of it.

    Whichever team gets Pujols, they will be satisfied for a long time, much like the many iPhone users out there.