Mavericks-Wizards: A Photo Essay

This slide show chronicles my trip to see my beloved Dallas Mavericks play my hometown Washington Wizards, Sunday, Dec. 21 at the Verizon Center.

Two years ago, this would have been a battle of two teams trying desperately to prove that they are legit contenders.

Now, Dallas is trying to even more desperately prove that they can look like contenders, and Washington, well...Washington is hoping that Ricky Rubio can find a good restaurant in the area.

But the Wiz have beaten Dallas the last few years in a row, so we'll see if their luck could hold up.

Dallas, on the other hand, needs to blow out some bad teams and get Dirk, Kidd, and others some rest time late in the game so they can get their bench some garbage minutes.

It is the first time I have seen the Mavs (and Dirk) play live in the regular season. Enjoy.

Stretch Those Hammies

J.J. Barea stretches out before the game.

I think his awesome muscle might need extra attention; it's been getting a lot of work in lately.

Is That Gum, Young Man?

Wizards play-by-play man Steve Buckhantz (of "DAGGER!!!!" fame), always a true pro, spits out his gum before the broadcast.

What You Got Son?

Mavs center Erick Dampier (right) tries to work his way around forward Shawne Williams.

Moments before, Williams tried to put a move on Dampier and was summarily thrown to the floor, an act that got a big laugh and a high-five out of Dirk.

Fee Fi Fo Fum

Dirk and J.J. Barea practice their moves during shoot around.

I've never wanted to be a 5'10" Puerto Rican man more in my life.

A Word from Our Sponsors

This commercial break is brought to you by: Moe's Southwest Grill, State Farm Auto Insurance, and Nike basketball.

Tony Cubes!

What's that, Cubesy? You would love to invest in my idea for a restaurant where the customers make their own pizza? Let's chat after the game.

Sock It to Me

I've never wanted to be a size 15 tube sock more in my entire life...

I stand by my statement.

And We Are Under Way

J-Kidd prior to one of his 11 assists to go along with his four rebounds and his...um.....one point. No turnovers though!

Kidd for the Trizzle!

Kidd shoots a three-ball. Though, if you read the previous slide, you know how that turned out. Still, no turnovers.

He's My Windex Man, I Want Him Shining Glass All Night

Dirk gets the offensive board, one of two he had on the night (nine total boards), and gets the put-back.

Mr. Jokey Jokemaker

Gerald Green, inactive for the evening, shares a joke with Antoine Wright, who earned a DNP-CD, during a timeout.

Green seems like a pretty funny guy; he was be-bopping and scatting with players the whole night and getting some pretty good laughs.

The Streakin' Puetro Rican

Barea is so fast, even my auto focus can't catch him.

The Fadeaway

If you don't want to see Dirk's patented fade away from multiple angles and over many different Wizards, then this might not be the slide show for you.

Joe Dirt Returns!

Ever wonder what happened to Joe Dirt after he got his new 'do at the end of the movie? Well, apparently he's holding cables for Verizon Center cameramen. Good for him.

Howard for Three!

Howard shoots a three-pointer early in the second quarter.

Unfortunately, he would miss all four of his attempts from downtown, but he started out hot, scoring 10 in the first quarter.

Inbound and Down, Good Buddy

Devean George tries to inbound the ball late in the second quarter.

George is one lanky dude. I always thought of him as a stocky guy, like Paul Pierce, but he is incredibly wiry, and his legs are like toothpicks.

The Fadeaway Two: Electric Boogaloo

Dirk drains another fade away, this one over Nick Young, to give Dallas a 36-33 lead with five minutes to go in the second quarter.

He's Locked in Tight, He's Out of Range

I thought something was wrong with my camera at first, but yes, that is DeSagana F@$~%ing Diop shooting a F#%$ING ELBOW JUMPER!

Surprise, surprise, this immediately preceded a 9-0 Wizards run.

From the Charity Stripe

Jason Terry hits two free throws to pull Dallas within 42-44 at the end of the first half.

Halftime

Ladies and gentlemen, your halftime entertainment! Some Asian chick on a huge unicycle! Wooooo!

Bowl Season Starts Early

Wait, why is she balancing those plates on her shin, she's not going to....

She Does It!

...she is!!! Cue Steve Buckhantz screaming, "Nooooooooo! It's not possible!"

Not Again...

There's no way she could do it again. Right.....?

One More Time!

Wrong! The stack gets higher.

And no, that wasn't a reference to Jerry Stackhouse and Josh Howard hanging out together off the court.

...And We're Back!

The third quarter starts out with Jamison having a hot hand from long range, hitting a three for the first points of the third for the Wiz.

They Never Even Saw it Coming

Look at Jason Kidd, then look at Dirk. Can you guess what's next?

Buckets!

If you said, "A Wizards steal followed by a momentum shifting dunk," then you couldn't be more wrong.

Ball Boy

I may just be the Wizards ball-boy now, but one day I'll grow up to be even uglier than Jay Cutler.

Hibachi!

I hate to break it to you Wizards fans, but the movement of my camera's shutter, even from long range, just pushed Agent Zero's return back to the All-Star Break.

Facial!

James Singleton rejects Antawn Jamison's lay-up, while Caron butler looks on, thinking, "Oh no you di'int!"

Poetry in Motion

When the jumper is fallin', you best be callin'.

Callin' who exactly, I couldn't tell you. But the rhyme sounded nice. Maybe "bawlin'" would sound better. Yeah, "bawlin'"

When the jumper is fallin, you'll be bawlin'"

I like that. Use take two.

Talkin' Trash

"Hey Darius! Too bad Lithuania's GNP is only $59.644 billion from a 2007 estimate. Try calling me when you're up to $2.812 trillion from a 2007 estimate like the fatherland!"

To the Rack

Caron Butler tries to give his team a spark by driving hard to the lane. Unfortunately, Jamison's right arm seems to have been chopped off at the elbow, and Darius "The Lithuanian Assassin" Songaila is waiting in vain for a pass (and dignity) that will never come.

I'd Call That a Mismatch

5'10" J.J. Barea stares down 6'11" Andray Blatche. This can't possibly end well...

DAGGER!!

...unless of course Barea can do his best Dirk impersonation. J.J.'s show makes it 97-86 with 50 seconds to play. And that should about do 'er.

Postgame Reaction

Dallas gets the win, 97-86.

"Well Phil, that certainly sucked."

"I'd say so Steve. And what was the deal with that Asian chick at halftime?"

"Not a f%&king clue, Phil."

I hope you enjoyed my slide show from the Mavericks-Wzards game. We shared some laughs, shed a few tears (especially if you're a Wiz fan) and became better people because of it.

Or not, I don't care.