UFC: Dan Henderson and 10 Fighters Perfect for Black Friday Shopping

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If you're like most Americans, the day after Thanksgiving provides some of the most ruthless shopping one can endure in a lifetime.

Most people grab friends or force their children to wake up and help grab all the deals they can. Shopping alone on Black Friday is pretty much consumer suicide.

With the recent reports (via Politico.com) coming out about people getting more and more violent this year (pepper spray? Really?!), it's time we as fans request our favorite fighters to take off training for next year's Black Friday in order to protect ourselves.

Who would you bring? Would you go for someone intimidating, the smartest fighter you could find, or maybe recruit one of the bantamweights and utilize their quick in-and-out movement?

Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson

I think everyone can agree that Rampage would be on most people's lists for a personal body guard next Black Friday.

The guy is huge, has devastating power and is intimidating just to look at.

Even if violence isn't your thing, Jackson is easily one of the most recognizable figures in the sport. He could distract the mindless drones of people with jokes and autographs.

Talk about a dual threat.

Jon Fitch

Jon Fitch himself is actually a pretty nice all-around guy. He's got a sense of humor and has good taste in walk-out music.

But my God, he has to be one of the most boring fighters to watch. If a scuffle broke out in line, Fitch would easily swoop in for a double-leg and proceed to blanket the offender.

Not only does this eliminate one shopper from competing with you, it would lull the surrounding area to sleep just like he does when Fitch steps foot into the Octagon.

I think scientists should study Fitch, because I'm sure the cure to insomnia is related to his fighting style.

Pat Barry

Pat "HD" Barry has a number of things to offer you as a personal bodyguard during next year's Black Friday shopping trip.

He's one of the funniest guys in the business, so he could make the long wait in lines not seem as bad. He also wouldn't require much food, as he's proven to be able to survive off of ketchup and rice (via sports.yahoo.com).

"HD" also has some of the best leg kicks in the MMA world, which could cripple other shoppers before they get going. They won't be able to carry those big TVs or push their carts if they can't walk.

Dominick Cruz

Dominick Cruz has had a pretty successful run as UFC bantamweight champion.

He avenged his only loss over the summer against rival, Urijah Faber, and proved he could fight back from adversity when he was challenged by Demetrious Johnson.

Cruz would be a good addition to your Black Friday shopping team because of his ability to move. Being a bigger guy, moving through the hordes of people can be quite a task for me.

Using Cruz to get in and out of aisles like "The Flash" would make a two-hour shopping trip take half the time. As well all know, time is money.

Nick Diaz

A little "Stockton Slap" goes a long way.

Nick Diaz would be perfect to accompany you along the way for Black Friday next year for a number of reasons.

For one, he's not going to get tired with all the running around that comes with trying to find your way through a store. He's always up for a fight and would gladly take on some of the more pushy customers in line.

And if waiting in line is taking too long or if you're freezing outside, Diaz has a little bag of green stuff to make everything better. Strictly for medical use only, though.

Jon Jones

Jon Jones has some of the most unorthodox striking we've seen in the UFC. That could be a valuable asset next year as he'd be able to swing at people in line without them seeing it coming.

Jones' huge wingspan could also be a big benefit as he could reach over 2-3 people and grab that video game you've been waiting in line for the past hour for.

Just pray nobody has a replica UFC belt to sign or else you may be left to fend for yourself.

Josh Koscheck

You wouldn't bring Josh Koscheck to a store for the company. You shouldn't concern yourself with his wrestling ability or his power punching.

The main reason you'd bring him is just for the fact that he's willing to be the biggest jerk in the store to get what he wants.

As a guy who tends to be a little too nice at times, Kos would be the perfect counterpart. He's not afraid to be as rude as can be.

Even if he doesn't get you a spot near the front of the line, by the time he's done pissing everyone off in the store they will all be too distracted to see you cut up to the front.

Chael Sonnen

Chael Sonnen's career in politics would be a great asset to have for next year's shopping trip.

He could talk someone into giving up that TV they waited in line for five days to get. He's also likely to stay some outlandish crap that would cause most people to consider him a few fries short of a happy meal.

People tend to stay away from crazy people and if Sonnen started spewing his anti-Brazilian propaganda, I'm sure the crowds would part like the Red Sea.

Just hope that nobody in line knows how to do a triangle.

Wanderlei Silva

Other than being one of the scariest looking fighters in the UFC, Wanderlei Silva happens to be one of the most aggressive.

Silva doesn't stop coming forward and would gladly trade punches with anyone who decided to get out of line while in stores.

I don't think anyone shopping on Black Friday is going to have the strength to hit Silva hard enough to knock him out, so you don't have to worry about his chin.

I'm pretty sure the quickest way to clear a store is to unleash "The Axe Murderer" in a store like the Tasmanian Devil.

Dan Henderson

Dan Henderson comes across as one of the more down-to-Earth fighters in the UFC. So waiting line with "Hendo" wouldn't be boring and you'd likely be able to have some quality conversation in the process.

But the real reason you bring Henderson with you is for "The H-Bomb." I still don't know how Henderson has continued to have success while being one of the most one-dimensional fighters in MMA.

What confuses me even more than that, however, is how his opponents still fall victim to his right hand.

If a trained professional fighter can't avoid from being knocked from their senses, what makes you think an average person won't take any brain damage while fighting for gifts?