Sean Avery: The NHL's Most Idiotic Player

Bradley KarpCorrespondent IDecember 21, 2008

Once again the NHL’s big mouth heavyweight decided to say something stupid… as usual. 

Ever since his first days as a rookie with the Detroit Red Wings in 2002 Sean Avery has been known as an agitator and the proprietor of a rather large and obnoxious mouth.

In his first 75 NHL games Avery spent 188 minutes in the penalty box. Tuesday Avery decided to talk to the Calgary media, the topic was not hockey, not the game that him and his Dallas Stars team mates would be playing against the Calgary Flames, but how “it has become a common thing for guys in the league to fall in love with my sloppy seconds.”

Those “sloppy seconds” that Avery was referring to is Canadian actress Elisha Cuthbert, his ex-girlfriend and the current girlfriend of Calgary Flames defense-man, Dion Phaneuf.  The NHL suspended Avery indefinitely and scheduled a hearing with league commissioner Gary Bettman for Thursday at noon ET.

The suspension comes as no surprise since Avery has eluded NHL suspension multiple times before. In 2005 he made comments about French Canadian players who wear visors after being hit by Denis Gauthier. "I think it was typical of most French guys in our league with a visor on, running around and playing tough and not back anything up," Avery received no punishment for this comment. During the warm up in a 2007 game against the Leafs Avery got into an altercation with Darcy Tucker and was fined 2,500$.

In 2008 Avery waves his hand in front of New Jersey goaltender Martin Brodeur to cause a distraction during a Rangers vs Devils playoff series, forcing the NHL to invoke a new rule making Avery's tactic illegal. That was the shortened list, every time he has gotten off lightly, now it seems that the NHL has had enough, after Avery called out Bettman and his NHL hierarchy, personally calling the league “a joke,” just a few months ago and now the “sloppy seconds” incident.

Finally the “its just Sean,” excuse has been overused and the NHL are not the only ones who think so. “Sean crossed the line,” Dallas Stars head coach Dave Tippett said. “We’ve always professed that there is nobody bigger than this team. My job is to build a team; I do not think I can build a team if Sean came back into that dressing room.”

The rumour floating around the media and the NHL is that the Stars will try to trade Avery, the rumour is all that more believable with Tippett’s comment in hand. No matter how much they try, it will be difficult for the Stars to trade the NHL’s biggest stain. Avery signed with Dallas to the tune of a four-year 16 million dollar deal.

Yes the Stars are paying four million dollars per year, for 33 points and 154 penalty minutes. Isn’t that a great lesson to the hockey youth? As Don Cherry would say “Now look here kids, if you can tie your own skates, be a loud mouthed obnoxious jerk to other players, disrespect the game of hockey, continuously get into confrontations with the media and most importantly of all, consistently put your team on the penalty kill.

You too can earn four million dollars per year in the NHL.” At this point in his career who will want that kind of baggage, not to mention that out of the ten years Avery has spent in the league, his team has only made it to the playoffs twice, and they never got past the first round.

The sexual image that comes to mind, with the words “sloppy seconds” should be enough to scare the other 29 teams in the NHL away from Avery, just like the kid with “coodies” in elementary school. Hopefully the NHL will suspend Avery forever, even though it is highly unlikely.

It does seem however that all of Avery’s past has caught up with him, and maybe Gary Bettman will introduce Avery to his new enemy, not Martin Brodeur, or even Dion Phaneuf, but karma, who after a long absence in his life will finally come full circle and slap Avery in the behind.

The Dallas Stars are last in the Western Conference, and cannot possibly go any lower from there, Avery will certainly either be traded or have his contract bought out. Maybe he will go and join fellow diva Ray Emery in the Kontinental Hockey League, where Emery is earning two million dollars per year tax free with Atlant Mytishchi.

Players of Avery’s type and attitude have no place in hockey. Avery tried Broadway with the New York Rangers but oddly enough the only stage he was allowed to play on was the Madison Square Garden ice.

At the end of his contract the Ranger’s could not throw him out the backstage door fast enough. Finally the NHL has realized that Sean Avery is more interested in being in front of the camera like his ex’s in Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter than playing hockey.