Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
In the holiday spirit of Black Friday, this columnist was in the mood to explore the gifts of certain failed WWE storylines. While these tales, at first, served a purpose to draw interest into the world of WWE, they would go on to dwindle down into pure, almost comical infamy.
For this edition of "WWE, What was the Point of That?" we take a look at the now obsolete and largely forgotten story of the Anonymous GM.
Ah, yes. The narration that witnessed the control of Raw being taken hostage by a MacBook rip off. A story that catapulted the dreaded push of Michael Cole. And we all asked (again), "WWE, what was the point of this?"
So, let's begin...
"If you want to see some action, give me a hell yeah!"
Yes, you heard that right. Michael Cole reading the email of either Stone Cold trying out his new Yahoo! email account or a "smark" who had way too much time on their hands.
When this storyline first began, the Anonymous GM would ping in at the most opportunistic moments. Everything was going down; fights were breaking out, and scores were being settled. From Nexus to the Money in the Bank match, Raw was going haywire.
And in the midst of all of this haywire-ness, a guy behind the computer (whose identity remained hidden because he/she was in "fear") would interrupt to try to put a stop to the madness. One of his solutions to putting an end to all of the chaos would be to quote some of the most popular catchphrases from the biggest names of the Attitude Era.
But in the end of it all, none of these names would claim the annoying laptop because the man (or woman) behind the laptop was never revealed.
So, what was the point of that? If the Creative team had no clue(which they obviously didn't) whom they would select as the oh-so-important earth-shattering secret GM, then it was dumb as hell to get fans' hopes up all for nothing—to get them to tune in night in and night out to see when the big reveal would happen because, of course, it never did.
Contrary to Charlie Sheen, Creative team=not winning.
"I am sick of this! I am sick of this stupid beep, beep, beep!
One of the other compelling aspects of the Raw Anonymous GM was his relationship with his superstars—in particular, the Rated R superstar, Edge.
From the get-go, the Anonymous GM didn't have a liking towards the former world heavyweight and WWE champion, and the reasons why signaled more stupidity.
First, it was supposedly because the GM was to take on the face role. After all, Raw had already had its share of heel managers. At the time, Edge was a heel who cheated to win. The GM reversed one of his double-crossing wins into continuance of the match, which would result in Edge losing. It was time to change it up a bit.
But then, it was really because the GM had a thing against Canadian wrestlers. The GM didn't like Bret Hart either. Why in the world would the GM have a thing against only Canadian wrestlers. Who knows? (And who cared?)
And finally, it just metamorphosed into an Edge thing only. It would lead into the first of his last two face turns where he was fighting against stupidity.
Funny thing about that is, how the hell can you be fighting against stupidity when you are feuding and even doing wrestling moves on a damn computer? A MacBook ripoff no less...
Yeah, it got that dumb.
The Raw Anonymous General Manager was introduced after or during Wrestlemania where Vince was pitted against Bret Hart.
He was brought in as a man who served to ease the constant chaos and confusion in the ring and to bring back some sort of stability.
In addition, he also was supposed to be this huge earth-shattering name that was to remain hidden because if he was revealed, he would change the landscape of Raw forever.
Now, here's my issue with this.
First of all, Raw is always in chaos, and it will always be in chaos. That is its selling point in order to get us to watch it and care about it because it's live and "anything can happen on live television."
So, the GM's logic there is already flawed.
Second of all, who or what was he supposed to be afraid of? Is there an illuminati in wrestling now? WWE Creative team had already shot themselves in the foot with this aspect of making it seem like the Raw Anonymous GM would be someone bigger in life that couldn't be handled if his/her name was revealed.
Right then and there, I knew there was BS afoot and that we would probably never know who this guy would be, although many wanted to use that as a reason that it would be The Rock.
But, why the hell would the People's Champion hide behind a damn computer? And what would he have so badly against Canadian wrestlers? And why would he hint himself to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, Triple H or the other big names? And what beef would the Great One have with Edge?
Yeah, you get my point...
For me, this was the most perplexing aspects of this storyline.
Anytime there is a huge story being built up on Raw, you best be sure John Cena will play a role in the saga someway, somehow.
His "relationship" with the Anonymous General Manager, so to speak, was a strange one indeed. Oftentimes, the general manager would play both sides of the fence when it came to John Cena.
As you can see in this video, it was the the mysterious figure who set the whole "be with Nexus or be fired" deal in motion. The Creative team hinted here that the GM himself wanted Cena to be a part of Nexus, but why?
Especially since in the Hell in a Cell PPV the night before, it was the Anonymous GM who made the decision that if any Nexus members tried to help Barret win the match against Cena, Cena would win automatically, and Nexus would be over.
Every time the Anonymous GM got his/her two cents in on the Nexus-Cena saga, he/she seemed to be playing both sides. This would even cause viewers to speculate that maybe the Anonymous GM was John Cena himself.
But, even though the Anonymous GM made sure Cena would fulfill his commitment to Nexus, he would then bail him out by not saying a word when a "fired" Cena trespassed the building repeatedly to attack Wade Barrett and co.
Was the Anonymous GM and Cena in on it all along? Was it all a secret plot to get Nexus out of WWE cleverly?
Was Vince Russo secretly hired to write this confusing and atrocious storyline?
Probably the most heinous aspect of this whole saga was the increasing role that Michael Cole began to play—a role that, quite frankly, we all wished was decreasing.
The only real "accomplishment" (or travesty) of this audacious storyline was the push of Michael Cole as the new "voice" of Raw.
*Cue Kanye West and Jay-Z "Otis" scream.
Indeed, Raw after Raw witnessed Anonymous GM getting his message out through Cole. At one point, the mysterious figure would even compliment Cole on his splendid work at helping the GM whip Raw back into tip-top shape.
The story would also shape Michael Cole into one of the most hated figures in recent Raw history. Every time things were just getting good, that stupid ping would come on, and we would have to hear, "Can I have your attention please?"
No, Cole, you cannot.
It got to the point where many were beginning to believe that Cole was the Anonymous General Manager all along—that these sudden emails and text messages were orchestrated by Cole in an attempt to finally gain control and leadership of Raw, rather than just being its top commentator.
The problem with that is the storyline, and Cole himself, had made clear before time and time again that Michael Cole was not the general manager. They made it obvious and perfectly clear that he could not be the person behind the MacBook ripoff.
Quite frankly, they might as well have made him that person. I would've suggested they just reveal that Cole was the GM all along. Then, have Vince comically come out and fire him as GM on the spot, topped with a Stone Cold Stunner or something.
I mean, we should get something for putting up with that mess for this long...
In the end, we never found out who was the mysterious figure behind the computer. And quite frankly, I don't even think we nor the arena fans cared anymore.
Given all of the moans and groans coming from the crowd every time that stupid ping came on, I think it's safe to say they were happy to see the talking laptop go.
From the get-go, I had always predicted that this was another BS storyline that served to buy the Creative team more time until they finally figured out what other stupid thing they wanted to do for who was in charge of Raw.
I could already tell when they were hinting at every big name to be the GM that we were never going to find out who the Raw general manager was.
Another storyline filled with some promise and unpredictability went to waste and left us with another steaming pile of trash that is Michael Cole being the "voice" of Raw.
Much like with Edge earlier, I am sick of this too.
Thank you for reading! Comment, like, retweet. Anything would be appreciated in order to spread the word on this article! Follow me @ http://twitter.com/itssocrates.
You can also check out my new WWE MC Report for November analyzing John Cena and The Rock's showdown at Wrestlemania.