While USC comes into this year’s Battle for the Victory Bell as the overwhelming favorite over UCLA, I myself cannot bear to face this reality.
In my fevered dreams induced by various prescription hallucinogens, I have envisioned a glorious Saturday at the Coliseum the likes of which Bruin fans have not witnessed since 1997.
I have seen Kevin Prince (once made of glass, now fully iron) complete 80-yard bombs to towering receivers. I have seen Derrick Coleman shrug off defenders like Lane Kiffin shrugs off Tennessee fans. I have seen Joseph Fauria hurdle five incoming tacklers like a gazelle, Johnathan Franklin sprint end zone to end zone and Rick Neuheisel hugging the Victory Bell through tears.
I have seen the Promised Land, Bruin fans, and it is wondrous.
For UCLA faithful who intend to watch the game from home, don’t forget your sick bag. For those trepidatious Bruins who will see the game in person, don’t forget to wrap yourself entirely in duct tape before putting on the Kevlar.
As for me, I’ll bring the hope. Like a Native American on a spirit quest, I have come back from beyond to provide five ways UCLA will beat USC for the first time since 2006.