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Star Wars U: The Galaxy's Best Football Team

Zac DiodatiContributor IDecember 19, 2016

Star Wars U: The Galaxy's Best Football Team

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    It is a time of growth for the Galactic University. After the fall of the Empire, the budding institution seeks to delve into athletics to inspire healthy competition among the former members of the Rebel Alliance and the Empire.

    The Jedi Council, functioning as the Board of Trustees, appoints a director for the new athletic department. It is agreed football will be an integral part of the culture at the Coruscant Campus.

    As the pieces fall into place, a new dynasty is born. The university is in position to develop a new form of galactic domination on the gridiron.

Chairman of Athletic Boosters: Emperor Palpatine

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    A man of leadership, influence and an insatiable appetite for crushing his adversaries, Palpatine pulls all the strings at Galactic University, even when it appears others are the ones in control. He's the most powerful figure in the program, and he refuses to accept failure. 

    On game days, the Senator turned Emperor turned university donor has the best seat in the house, as he watches the battle unfold from high atop his luxury box throne. 

Athletic Director: Darth Vader

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    Nobody can keep a campus in order like the weak-lunged warrior himself. 

    Vader keeps his coaching staff on a short leash and isn't afraid to make personnel changes without warning. Vader is no stranger to scheduling big games out of conference, sending his school on tough road trips and courting the best talent in the galaxy. 

    With Vader calling the shots in the athletic program, the Galactic University will be unstoppable...almost. 

Head Coach: Yoda

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    "Turnovers are the path to the dark side...Turnovers lead to bad field position, bad field position leads to playing from behind...playing from behind leads to...losing!"

    Those were the wise words spoken to his team before Coach Yoda led the GU to their first championship season. 

    For 900 years, Yoda has masterfully inspired young players, developed talent and run a clean and ethical program. He has been known to turn hot-tempered players into valiant champions, motivate his team with strange and almost unbelievable techniques and correctly identify those who will damage team chemistry. 

Defensive Coordinator: Princess Leia

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    The annihilation of her home planet. Enhanced interrogation from Imperial authorities. Overwhelming advances from smugglers, mining administrators and overweight gangsters. The woman is used to being attacked. 

    With all that experience, the Alderaan native and member of the royal family was a natural choice to lead GU's defense. After she coordinated the Rebel defensive (pictured) in the battle of Hoth, her resume was full of achievements neutralizing opposing offenses. 

    Quarterbacks have found her schemes to be quite frustrating, particularly her ability to disguise blitzes and coverages. See: Providing false information to a Grand Moff, threatening to use a thermal detonator, drawing a concealed blaster from the hip on Endor.

Offensive Coordinator: Wicket

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    Winning with inferior weapons? Check.

    Bag full of trick plays? Check.

    An ability to mix traditional schemes with modern ones? Check.

    The fearless leader of the Ewoks may not have five star talent all over the field, but he is the true definition of "decided schematic advantage."

    Just give him one night to study the "tape" from a protocol droid, and he'll devise a game plan that will take down even the most powerful of defenses. 

Quarterback: Obi-Wan Kenobi

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    The man is a true professional, a first ballot Hall of Famer. No one has made more big plays in their career.

    He makes everyone around him better. See: Mentoring of Anakin and Luke

    He never gets rattled: See: Taking on a monster equipped with four lightsabers 

    He's the first one out of the huddle to recognize the defensive coverage. See: "That's no moon, it's a space station".

    He calls the right audibles at the right time. See: "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

    He can handle tough questions after the game: See: "What I told you was true, from a certain point of view."

    He knows when to take a sack. See: Dueling Vader on the Death Star.

    With Kenobi under center, GU football is in good hands. Even after retirement, Obi-Wan is sure to play a big role in the program. 

Running Back: Luke Skywalker

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    A reckless, emotional and troubled young player full of raw talent. 

    Although prone to an inordinate amount of hand injuries, Skywalker always delivers when his team needs to ride on his shoulders.

    His biggest achivements have come like any running back, being patient, trusting his instincts and waiting for the hole to open up. However, he's also been known to contribute to the aerial attack as well, making him an ideal part of the backfield. 

Wide Receivers: Han Solo, Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian

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    Members of the wide receiver fraternity usually have a few things in common: a big ego, a flair for the dramatic and speed. This trio has all three. 

    Forget their 40-yard dash times; these outlaws are all capable of hitting light speed with the flip of a switch. They've also been known to be the loudest and most enthusiastic celebrators after making a big play. 

Tight End: Bail Organa

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    Tall and versatile. A willingness to help his coach in whatever way he is asked. 

    A background in multiple positions gives him the ability to step in on several spots on the field. 

Offensive Line: Dex, Rancor Monster, Jabba, Boss Nass, Porkins

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    With Jabba the Hutt centering this line, this fierce and intimidating group of big uglies will provide a wall that no defense can hope to get by. 

Kicker: Padme

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    With virtually no history of leading independently and a constant need to be protected, Padme is a natural fit to make contributions to GU's team in very brief moments. 

    Unfortunately, she has a history of choking at the end. 

Defensive Line: Admiral Ackbar, General Veers, Admiral Piett, Wedge Antilles

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    This quartet has made their living invading the opponent's territory. Between aerial attacks on the death star and ground assaults in terrible weather conditions, their ability to intrude is never questioned. 

    The crew has great chemistry and even better communication, and it shows when Admiral Ackbar yells out "It's a TRAP!!" every time the offense runs a tailback screen. 

Cornerbacks: Darth Maul and Count Dooku

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    When your opponent must be shut down, these two are the ones you have to put in the game. They're cocky, they never back down, but sometimes, they bite off more than they can chew. 

    They have been known to be victims of big separation, where they get burned every time. 

Linebackers: Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn, Anakin Skywalker

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    With high intelligence, an aggressive nature and a history of violent headhunting, Qui-Gon Jinn leads a group of linebackers that strike fear into any opposing offense. 

    Despite their dominant play, they've been known to underestimate their opponent. See: Trying to arrest a demonic and corrupt madman, taking on a Sith Lord without the help of temmates and attacking a jedi who had the high ground.

Safeties: Boba Fett and Greedo

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    When all else fails, these two are your last chance to track down your opponent.

    As the joke goes around the GU campus, "75 percent of Coruscant's surface is covered by urban development. Fett and Greedo cover the rest."

Punter: Jar Jar Binks

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    The last guy you want to see on the field. 

Kick Returner: Sebulba

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    Pure speed.

Broadcast Team: C3PO and R2D2

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    An irreplaceable combination of analysis and wit. Fluent in over six million forms of communication, nobody can say it like they do. 

Recruiting Coordinator: Rogue 2

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    He finds them. Repeat, he finds them. 

Halftime Entertainment: Cantina Band

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    Nothing embodies the spirit of the Galactic University and keeps the crowd upbeat like Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes!

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