Sometimes, you have to question the desperation of some bowls when they do things like schedule Ashlee Simpson to sing at a football bowl. After all, fans want to hear something better than the sound of a screeching cat getting dragged under a tire at 60 mph, don't they?
But usually, they learn their mistake and demand demo tapes that haven't been recorded in a shower as proof of a singer's singing capability without benefit of mixers. "Usually" being the key word here.
Apparently, the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl didn't watch Simpson's rendition of "You make me want to scream" (although she did make us want to scream—and even follow it up with a few hurls) and decided to go with a Euro-hero to sing the anthem at its bowl.
Yes, it's true, this bowl loves the sound of fingernails on blackboards and Lloyd Christmas making that annoying sound.
They love the smell of napalm in the morning, and they think red-blooded American football fans will applaud their choice to sing our anthem, all without getting beer getting thrown at them by their seat mates.
In true Vegas fashion, they rolled the dice, and came up...craps.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl proudly presents Arizona and BYU (tickets still available, of course) with David Hasselhoff singing the national anthem.
Can we have Ashlee back? (Oh, we can't believe we said that) Was Roseanne not available? How about Carl Lewis? Leif Erickson?
Look, Hasselhoff can hold a tune like David Soul (remember Hutch from Starsky and Hutch?) could in his famous ballad, Don't Give Up on Us. The only reason why the song did well was because he was Hutch, and he was cute, if you like guys who wear the same tan shiny leather jacket every freaking day.
The Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl has decided that Hasselhoff, who wasn't the reason why Baywatch was big—am I right, guys?—is the right man to sing the anthem. Pamela Anderson would have been the better choice, if only because the possibilities of a wardrobe malfunction would keep viewers glued to their La-Z-Boys during the entire performance.
According to the LasVegasInsider.com, "Football fanatics will flock to the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl at Sam Boyd Stadium where the University of Arizona plays BYU and David Hasselhoff will sing the National Anthem."
(*Crickets chirping...*)
Now, we aren't trying to be judgmental here, but is a guy lying on the floor, trying to eat a hamburger, loaded out of his mind while his teenage daughter tries to talk to him, really such a great choice?
The same guy who was denied boarding of a UK flight because he was stumbling around the airport and allegedly soiling his pants? According to his publicist, it was due to antibiotics. Yep, if I have strep throat and they put me on antibiotics, I do the same thing—stumble, mumble, pick up on total strangers and mistake my pants for a public toilet.
Of course, y'all are dying to know why he was on antibiotics, aren't you? He was shaving, and bumped into a chandelier, sending shards of glass into his arm which resulted in some cuts.
(*More crickets chirping...*)
Umm, don't they usually hang chandeliers way above your head, to avoid contact? Just where was he shaving? And why wasn't a lawsuit filed against that horrid London hotelier for negligence?
We digress, our apologies. Were the Backstreet Boys not available? Lindsay Lohan? Just wonderin'.
OK, so this Baywatch (*cough*) actor gets the Vegas Bowl gig. Two thoughts here- one, isn't it kind of an insult to BYU fans to have a guy with alcohol problems singing, and two, isn't this an insult to real singers?
While you all digest this breaking news and mind-bending questions, we'll leave you with this—David Soul. Just listen to him try to hold a note toward the end. It's magical. It's beautiful. It's painful.
Mr. Hasselhoff, the bar has been set. See if you can step over it.
22 comments Last one added 6 months ago — Leave a Comment
Joe G 6 months ago
You think he'll give the crowd an encore during halftime? Some of the Hoff's music videos, for your viewing, um, pleasure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgX-hiQdfFw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKuQXGrFSQ0&feature=related
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Long John Silver 6 months ago
hmmmmm
i am gonna go a lil' un-orthodox in here mate
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Pamela Anderson would have been the better choice, if only because the possibilities of a wardrobe malfunction would keep viewers glued to their Lazyboys during the entire performance.
- No, not really need to wait, i am a bloke, and I know my way around net .... i do really KNOW my way around the net
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ohhhhh GOD - Hassel H is an awful choice, pandering towards pulling crowds .... ones things for sure, he aint no bocelli or pavrotti
secret agent man - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKuQXGrFSQ0&feature=related (PAIN-FUL)
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but Lise, HH might just take his shirt off to show his iron muscles off the the ladies in the crowd - am not sure -
I pers. vote for SoullllllJA BOY !
God Bless America !
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Long John Silver 6 months ago
when compared to HH - Backstreet dudes sound like Luciano Pavarotti !
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J.C. Ayvazi 6 months ago
I think the Hoff was a late fill-in after Boy George pulled out 8^D
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Mitch at sportschatplace.com 6 months ago
They wanted USC Trojan OJ Simpson but they thought he might take the ball as apparently when he goes to Vegas he mistakes everything for "his" memorabilia. I guess he will be in Vegas for this one, and many more...
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Justin Goar 6 months ago
yeah he woulda really killed...
(crickets chirping)
what's with the effing crickets on this page??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Mitch at sportschatplace.com 6 months ago
Back to Hassellhoff, tough not to like the guy, was having this discussion with some people today and really the most common thing said was, "the guy is so freakin talented".
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Alabama Voodoo 6 months ago
In the 2005 Orange Bowl Oklahoma was being beaten so unmercifully by the USC Trojans that it could've been Bruce Springsteen performing at halftime and the Oklahoma fans would have brought down the boo's just as ruthlessly. Now, I am not defending Ashlee Simpson but it's as if you know me better than I even know myslef, She could finally rest her head on something REAL! And the Oklahoma fans are left wih the fact that Oklahoma means "Lays down in Big Games!"
Lisa, Have a happy holiday. My time on the internet will be a lot less over the next few weeks (No Work) as I am taking leave from the job to spend time with my family this holiday, so no internet just family time! I can't wait my 5 year old is soooo excited about Santa Clause.
-Voodoo
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Andrew Nuschler 6 months ago
I gotta disagree Lisa.
Any man brave enough to rely on a blue screen as cutting edge technology in the 21st century has got what it takes for Vegas baby.
My lord, the bowl games are degenerating into outright freak shows. Where's William Hung?
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Joe G 6 months ago
He could bring his band, Hung Jury.
Mock trial, with J. Reinhold!
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Andrew Nuschler 6 months ago
I'd buy a ticket for that, fake an injury, and then sue them for millions. My attorney, Bob Loblaw, has been talking about getting a piece of Vegas for months online:
www.bobloblawslawblog.com
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Steve Auger 6 months ago
According to the LasVegasInsider.com, "Football fanatics will flock to the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl at Sam Boyd Stadium where the University of Arizona plays BYU and David Hasselhoff will sing the National Anthem."
*crickets chirping*
funny stuff, Lisa. Maybe Greg Brady as the New Johnny Bravo is available to fill in for The Hoff.
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Brian Gaylord 6 months ago
Mere mortal men wouldn’t bump into a chandelier while shaving, but Hasselhoff is bigger than life. It’s a push between David Soul and Hasselhoff. Soul’s strains have damaged my cochlea before -- I won’t chance it further here. Funny piece, Lisa.
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Don Clevenger 6 months ago
Thanks for giving me another reason to stay home and NOT watch the game.
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BabyTate 6 months ago
Isn't he the boy that drove a car that could talk? Or was that Jerry Van Dyke?
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Justin Goar 6 months ago
yeah that's him. of course KITT made that show with the voice from the dr from st elsewhere/teacher from boy meets world.
i thought jerry van dyke was the defensive coordinator of the minnesota state screamin eagles???
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Brian Scott 6 months ago
"Some people live in the darkness...Afraid to step into the light..."
Don't hassle the Hoff!!
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thomas moreland 6 months ago
eve arden was the voice of my mother the car! why did i know that? lol that was a great show a 1934 hudson, thats my mother dear, she helps me through every thing i do and im so glad she s here. my mother the car. my mother the car!. lol feel the magig of the hoff. he will have 3-4 drinks before singing it gonna be a hoot! thomas
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Bernie 6 months ago
Good question Lisa. Where the hell was Hoff shaving?
LMAO
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Bryan Gonzalez 6 months ago
YESS the Hoff!!! This is for sure a must see!!
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Bryan Gonzalez 6 months ago
It is probly because he's sort of into Arizona football, his daughter goes there. I remember he sent a video from his phone screaming ARIZONA FOOTBALL IT F***in ROCKS!!
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Marty Walker 6 months ago
Well Lisa, I finally made it. Although I have already read this, I do like the authrs poll they have over here. Soon I'll write something, and hopefully I won't get booed outta here lol.
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